


See You

by sparklepox (travelingpsycho)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:43:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 50,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14698224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingpsycho/pseuds/sparklepox
Summary: It's not easy for Lu Han and Minseok to stay together while living apart. It only becomes more difficult when their relationship is revealed to the world in a way they never would have chosen, but they're determined not to give up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Note 1:** THIS FIC IS INCOMPLETE. I was hoping to at least fill in some bits, but I'm not going to have the summer break I expected, so I'm going to admit defeat and post as is. There's about 25k before I started skipping, and there's an ending, but there are also some incomplete scenes and some parts I skipped over completely with brief notes to tell you anything important that happens there. The fic should, I think, be a satisfying read as is, but don't go into this expecting a complete and polished fic.
> 
>  **Note 2:** I started writing this in my head so long ago that Tao was still in EXO, and it was going to be a pain to make some parts work without him, so he's still in it. I also very vaguely mention him leaving off-screen later on. He's mostly there at the beginning, but be aware of that if you have any manner of Tao problems, and don't think too hard about the timeline.
> 
>  **Note 3:** This is technically a canon fic, but I handwaved a lot of things because it was the only way I was ever going to write this, especially in the middle of a very busy semester. These things include but are not limited to: literally everything about EXO and Lu Han’s schedules and activities, timelines in general, EXO’s dorm situation, EXO’s manager situation, the full extent of how people would probably react to a gay idol couple in Korea/China, most everything about Korean army service, Lu Han's actual love life
> 
>  **Warnings:** involuntary outing, varying degrees of homophobia including some bullying, brief use of homophobic slurs, repeated separation angst, EXO breaking up at some point in the vaguely specified future, sappy established relationship

It's pure coincidence, EXO's concert in Shanghai coinciding with Lu Han's movie filming there, though there are probably obsessive fans constructing conspiracy theories about it on the internet. Still, when the dates are announced, Lu Han texts Minseok, _I don't suppose you'll have any free time while you're here?_ He knows better than anyone how scarce free time is when you're in EXO, but Minseok can perfectly imagine him asking the question in a wry yet hopeful tone, a hesitant smile on his face.

_I don't know,_ he writes back, _but I'll see what I can do._

It's approaching four months since they were together last by the time the concert rolls around, which is the longest gap yet. There have been text messages and phone calls and video chats, never a day, no matter how busy they are, without some kind of contact. But there's no substitute for seeing each other in person, not just for the sex (though that's something they both really miss), but for hugs and seeing and hearing each other with the clarity that no video can ever capture. Minseok has resigned himself to living like this, quite possibly for years, but that doesn't make it easy.

He puts Lu Han out of his mind for two days of concerts, but on the way to dinner after the second con, he messages Lu Han. They're miraculously staying the night after their second con instead of flying straight back to Korea, and it'll be an early morning, but if that's all they've got, he'll take it. The string of smiley faces Lu Han responds with makes it clear that he won't say no to a visit, no matter how short it is or how tired they both are.

Minseok can see by their manager's expression as he approaches him in the restaurant that he knows what's coming. It's not the first time Minseok has snuck away to see Lu Han, and as long as they can keep being sneaky about it, it won't be the last. Their manager trusts Minseok to be cautious, but that doesn't mean he likes it. "This is a bad idea," he says before Minseok says a word. "You know the fans follow him everywhere."

"I know," Minseok says. It's a risk, but he can't be this close to Lu Han and not go see him.

"What if I tell you you can't go?" the manager asks.

Minseok looks coolly back at him. _Don't make me start disobeying you,_ his expression says, and also, _Haven't I sacrificed enough for this group?_

The manager sighs. "Fine. I'll see about a ride. But be careful, and make sure you're back in time for our flight in the morning."

"I will," Minseok promises.

He sneaks out of the restaurant goes back to the hotel to change into the most nondescript clothing he has, then sneaks out of there. There are always fans around, but fewer here, and most of them are at the restaurant. It's an advantage of him not being very popular in China that he can more easily get around without attention—though even in Korea, he's mastered the art of flying under the sasaeng radar. There are a _lot_ of fans at Lu Han's hotel, but they're watching for him coming out, and maybe for women going in, but not for a small, unremarkable guy without any entourage.

The hotel staff are on alert too, trying to keep fans or overzealous reporters from going where they're not supposed to, but Minseok doesn't register as a threat. It's almost too easy to go up to Lu Han's floor and, once he's checked that no one's in the hall to see him, knock on Lu Han's door. Lu Han opens the door almost immediately, and Minseok slips in quickly, with no one the wiser.

"You made it!" Lu Han's arm snakes around Minseok's waist practically before the door is even closed, making him smile. Some things never change, no matter how long they're apart; if anything, lack of regular opportunities to touch Minseok make Lu Han that much worse.

"I did, and without your army of stalkers noticing." Minseok toes off his shoes and lines them up in the doorway as best he can with Lu Han refusing to let go of him.

Lu Han grimaces. "Let's not talk about them." He doesn't give Minseok a chance to talk about anything at all, pulling him into a kiss.

Even after almost four months, kissing Lu Han feels so familiar. Everything from the softness of his lips to the taste of his mouth to the warmth of his arms wrapping around Minseok is so exactly the same that Minseok could think he felt it all just yesterday. He was worried at the beginning that instead of absence making the heart grow fonder, they'd drift apart and forget to care about each other, but he never forgets anything about Lu Han.

They lose themselves in the kiss for so long that Minseok isn't sure they'll make it out of the doorway, but finally Lu Han pulls back, just enough to talk. "How was the concert?" he asks, a wide smile on his face that is probably not about EXO's concert. It makes Minseok laugh for some reason, and Lu Han's nose wrinkles. "What?"

"Come on." Minseok pulls out of Lu Han's hold and takes his wrist to pull him into the room, over to the big bed. The curtains are drawn and the door is locked, and maybe there are neighbors, but this is a nice hotel with good sound insulation. As long as they're not too loud, they have this time just for them.

Lu Han stands in front of him, pulling Minseok against him. "I get the feeling you don't really want to talk," Minseok teases.

"I..." Lu Han laughs, and it just doesn't sound the same over the phone as it does in person, with Lu Han's breath on his cheek. "We can talk later?" It's half a question, but it's not as if Minseok would say no.

They kiss again, starting slow and quickly picking up to where they were before. Lu Han knocks off Minseok's hat so he can run his hands into Minseok's hair. (It's getting long now; he hopes they'll let him cut it soon, though he doesn't so much mind the length at the moment.) Minseok retorts by sticking his hands under Lu Han's shirt and sliding them up his stomach and chest. Lu Han's plumped up a little since leaving EXO and it's nice to feel muscle instead of bare bones on his ribcage.

Lu Han pulls away long enough to strip his shirt off and not a second longer, diving back into Minseok's mouth. Minseok lets him do that for a while before he pulls away himself, not to undress yet but to press his lips to Lu Han's neck, his collarbone, his chest. One of Lu Han's hands lingers on the back of his head, toying with his hair as Minseok flutters kisses along his skin. "I missed you," Lu Han murmurs. "It's been so long."

"Shh. It doesn't matter now." Minseok presses the words into the hollow of Lu Han's throat. He agrees, but they're together now and there's no point in thinking about anything else.

There are a lot of things Minseok would like to do now that he has Lu Han in front of him again, too many things to ever get through in the short time they have. For now, he kisses his way halfway down Lu Han's breastbone before going down on his knees. Lu Han grins at him, his expression an endearing mix of smug and hungry and affectionate all at once. It makes Minseok want to roll his eyes and also give him everything he wants, and isn't that how it always is with Lu Han?

"I just want to make it clear," Minseok says as he slowly opens Lu Han's pants, "that this is not all we're doing tonight."

Lu Han chuckles, catching a little when Minseok pulls his zipper down. "I never thought it was."

"Good." Minseok tugs Lu Han's pants down to his thighs, then hooks his fingers in the waistband of his underwear, pressing his lips just above it. He pulls fabric down slowly, dropping kisses at random over the exposed skin. Lu Han watches him intently, holding his breath until Minseok finally pulls his underwear down and he lets out a gasp.

Part of Minseok wants to rush, to try to get his fill of Lu Han while he can, but the time will pass the same no matter what they do. Better to enjoy it without feeling pressured. With that in mind, he slowly teases Lu Han with his lips and tongue, getting him hard. Lu Han doesn't protest, just leans against the bed and watches him. They trained themselves to be quiet early on, back in the dorms, so Minseok is used to listening for every little catch in Lu Han's breath, every soft moan and stifled cry that tell him Lu Han likes what he's doing.

When he's satisfied that he's teased enough, he takes a moment to shift, flashing Lu Han a smile. He rests his hands on Lu Han's thighs, and Lu Han holds his cock still as Minseok dips down to take it into his mouth. "Fuck," Lu Han breathes, and Minseok would smile if his current position didn't make that a little difficult. Instead, he bobs forward and back a few times, going farther each time until his nose touches Lu Han's fingers. Lu Han moves his hand away so Minseok can go even further, taking him in as deep as he can.

"Feels good." Lu Han's hand goes back to Minseok's head, not pushing but ruffling his fingers through Minseok's hair. "I love your mouth." After barely a beat of hesitation, he adds, "I love you." Lu Han didn't use to get so sappy during blowjobs, at least not out loud, but things have changed after being apart so much, or maybe he's just getting sappier in his old age. In any case, Minseok finds it cute. A little embarrassing, but he just might say it back if his mouth wasn't otherwise occupied.

He sticks with this slow pace, going down deep and then pulling almost off before going back down, Lu Han's hand following his movements. His other hand comes to rest on Minseok's on his leg, covering Minseok's smaller hand. At first, it just sits there, but then his fingers start to clench occasionally as Minseok sucks him down, finally catching hold of Minseok's hand and squeezing it.

Minseok weighs the option of continuing like this, stringing Lu Han along nice and slow until he can't hold back his moans before sucking him through his orgasm. It could be nice, but there's so much more he wants, and he told Lu Han that this isn't all they'll do. Besides, he's getting hard too and he wants to take off his pants and do something about it. He dips forward a few more times, lingering on the last one, before pulling off. That earns a little whine from Lu Han, and Minseok smiles at him. "Be patient, okay?"

"Fine," Lu Han grumbles, but he's smiling too. He's still holding Minseok's hand, and he offers his other one to help him up, then tugs Minseok to his feet and kisses him. Against Minseok's lips, he whispers, "Are you going to fuck me?"

"How'd you guess?" Minseok pretends Lu Han's words don't send a thrill through him.

"You like foreplay blowjobs." Lu Han laughs. "Come on, then."

Lu Han kicks off his remaining clothes and goes over to his bag. Minseok quickly undresses and sits on the bed. Lu Han joins him and presses the lube into his hand before kissing him again. Minseok doesn't break the kiss while he opens the lube, slicking up his fingers. Lu Han spreads his legs and Minseok straddles one of them so he can reach between and push a finger into Lu Han's body. Just thinking about feeling the same tightness around his cock makes his breath catch, and he finds himself suddenly awfully hard.

They don't stop kissing the whole time Minseok preps Lu Han, even when he squirms and gasps for breath against Minseok's lips. Minseok takes longer than he really needs to, knowing Lu Han must already be impatient after his foreplay blowjob. He likes it when Lu Han gets desperate, how his cheeks flush and his eyes go dark and his whole body shakes with it. He likes how Lu Han lets Minseok push him without even pretending that he doesn't enjoy it.

Finally, he pulls his hand away, lingering on the kiss for a little longer before pulling back. Lu Han's eyes are hazy, his smile wide. "How do you want me?" he asks.

"Like this?" Minseok suggests, sitting back on the bed.

Lu Han nods, looking hungry as he moves to straddle Minseok's legs. Minseok rests his hands on Lu Han's thighs while Lu Han reaches back to guide Minseok's cock into position. He sinks down slowly, his legs trembling under Minseok's hands as his body takes him in. Minseok relishes the feeling of it because it's been too fucking long since the last time, and it may well be too long before he can do this again.

Minseok gasps when Lu Han starts to rock up and down, and again when he lifts a hand to touch Lu Han and his body clenches tight around Minseok. "Good?" Lu Han asks unnecessarily.

"Yeah. Really good." He loves how it feels to have Lu Han moving in his lap, and he loves watching him too, seeing his already pink cheeks darken and his chest heave and his leg muscles work. 

He arches his hips up to meet Lu Han and is rewarded with a moan and a tremor running through Lu Han's body. "Do that again," Lu Han breathes. Minseok does as he's told, and then again and again until Lu Han's pace becomes unsteady and he groans, "Fuck, Minseok."

"Yeah." Minseok lets out a choked laugh as he thrusts up harder, leaning back on his hands. 

Lu Han takes over touching himself, with so much enthusiasm that in no time at all, he's coming. He grinds down onto Minseok as he does, pulling him along too. It feels just right to fall apart with Lu Han, as though the pleasure is running between their bodies as they both shake with it. Lu Han slumps forward into Minseok, his breathing harsh and uneven, and Minseok wraps an arm around him.

"That was nice," Lu Han mumbles, making Minseok laugh again. Lu Han pulls back so they can kiss as they come down, a lazy, messy kiss, and that's nice too.

They do a perfunctory job cleaning up once Lu Han deigns to move, then curl up in bed together. It hits Minseok now how late it is and how tired he is after the long day. "When do you have to leave?" Lu Han asks sleepily.

"I have to be back at the hotel in time to leave for the airport at five-thirty."

Lu Han groans. "Too early."

"You can sleep in," Minseok tells him. "Enjoy your lapsed idol lifestyle without all this flying."

"No way. Let's set an alarm." Lu Han grins as he grabs his phone. "You think we can handle another round before you leave?"

Minseok is already going to be exhausted for the trip back to Korea and the work day that will follow their arrival, but he only has to think for a second before he decides that it's worth it for Lu Han. "Yeah. I'll sleep on the plane."

Lu Han sets his alarm for an ungodly hour of the morning, and Minseok sets his too just in case, and then they lie back down to sleep. Minseok's not at all surprised when Lu Han hugs him close. "Goodnight." His lips brush the back of Minseok's neck as he speaks, and he follows it up with a kiss.

"Goodnight." Morning will come far too soon, but for now, Minseok closes his eyes and thinks about nothing but how good it is to curl up in bed with Lu Han and forget the whole world.

~

Lu Han and Minseok both groan when the alarms go off. "Do you want to snooze it?" Lu Han asks, sleepily stumbling over his words.

"No, then we won't have time." Reluctantly, Minseok squints his eyes open and turns off first Lu Han's alarm and then his (setting a second alarm just in case they manage to fall back asleep). "You don't want to waste this time, do you?"

"No." Lu Han sighs and moves briefly away, then right back behind Minseok, not even bothering to turn on a light. Minseok wonders only for a moment what he was doing before he feels Lu Han's hand on his hip. "Can I?" he asks.

"Mm." Minseok closes his eyes again, waiting while Lu Han fumbles around with the lube, and keeps them closed as Lu Han's finger circles his rim, warm and wet. Lu Han's other arm wraps around his waist and holds him close as he eases a finger into Minseok's body. There's not quite enough time to take it really slow, but Lu Han is careful, stretching Minseok open with one and then two fingers, scissoring around and crooking inside of him. It feels good, Lu Han's lips on his shoulder, his strong arm crossing Minseok's stomach and his nimble fingers waking his body up with sparks of pleasure.

Lu Han adds a third finger, though he could get away without it, and Minseok shivers as it presses in deep. He wants to add to it by touching himself, but he also doesn't want to move, content to lie here and let Lu Han do the work for now. It feels so peaceful in the early morning quiet, letting Lu Han have his way with him. "Like this?" Lu Han asks, his hand still moving.

"Yeah." Minseok sighs when Lu Han's fingers leave him, but a second later, they're replaced by Lu Han's cock spreading him open and then going still. Lu Han wraps both arms around him and uses his clean hand to give Minseok a few slow strokes before he starts to move.

"Feels good." Lu Han's voice is low and soft by Minseok's ear. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Minseok echoes. "Feels good." It does feel good, Lu Han's slow, deep thrusts and his hand moving on Minseok's cock at a similar pace. It feels like it could go on forever, just the two of them joined together like this.

It can't, though, and eventually Lu Han starts to pick up the pace, shifting a little away from Minseok so he can move more easily. He strokes faster too, and Minseok bites back a moan. Lu Han is quiet too, the only sounds their harsh breathing and their bodies moving together, getting louder the faster Lu Han moves.

"Close?" Lu Han asks after a while, the tightness of his voice telling Minseok that he is.

"Almost." He doesn't want to let go, because then this will be over and he'll have to leave, but putting off his orgasm won't change the passage of time. Lu Han touches him even faster and his body arches, his head tipping back onto Lu Han's shoulder. "Lu Han." It's approval and a plea at the same time.

Whatever Lu Han takes from it, he leans over Minseok and thrusts in deep, again and again until it tips Minseok over the edge and he shakes in Lu Han's arms. Lu Han moves a few more times and then pulls Minseok flush against him, moaning in his ear. "Fuck," he pronounces.

Minseok chuckles sleepily. "Yeah," he agrees. His body is buzzing nicely and he would love to go right back to sleep just like this, but that's not an option. _One minute,_ he tells himself. One minute of pretending that he'll never have to leave again.

Lu Han seems to be having similar thoughts, holding Minseok tightly. He ducks his head into the crook of Minseok's neck, breath hot on his skin, and says nothing, like he's hoping Minseok will forget that he has to go.

Finally, Minseok sighs. "I need to get cleaned up." Lu Han grunts vaguely and holds him even tighter. "Come shower with me," Minseok prods. "You can keep clinging in there."

Slowly, his reluctance obvious, Lu Han lets go and moves away. Minseok feels his absence in the cold all up and down the back of his body and the empty ache between his legs, and the little squeeze his heart does when he wonders how long it'll be before they can see each other again. He tries not to dwell on that, scooting to the edge of the bed so he can turn the light on. Lu Han groans in protest and Minseok squints against the brightness, shielding his eyes with his hand while he rolls out of bed. "Are you coming?" he asks Lu Han, who is still curled up on the bed.

"Yeah." Lu Han drags himself out of bed, flopping his arms over Minseok's shoulders. Minseok lets him stay like that, and they shuffle into the bathroom together.

The shower warms Minseok up but doesn't really make him feel any more awake. Lu Han leans against the wall while he washes up, eyes never leaving Minseok. When Minseok turns the shower off, he pulls him over for a kiss. "I love you," he says. It's serious and sad, which Minseok never likes to hear.

"I love you too." He smiles pointedly, and Lu Han half-heartedly smiles back.

They dry off and Minseok gets dressed, though Lu Han only bothers to pull on a pair of athletic shorts. Minseok's second alarm goes off just as he's pulling his shirt on, and Lu Han turns it off. "Does that mean it's time to go?" he asks.

"Unfortunately." Minseok pulls Lu Han close and kisses him, a soft, goodbye kind of kiss. "We'll see each other again soon," he says with more certainty than he feels, because that's what Lu Han needs to hear. "We'll find a way."

"We'll develop real talent at this sneaking around thing." It's good to hear Lu Han joke; he can't be _that_ sad if he's making jokes. One more kiss and then Minseok reluctantly pulls away. "Have a safe flight," Lu Han tells him as he goes to the door and puts his shoes on. "Say hi to everyone for me."

"I will." Lu Han follows him over to get one last kiss, but then it's really time to go. Minseok peeks out through the peephole, and again once he opens the door, but there's no reason for anyone to be out this early. "See you," he tells Lu Han, and then hurries out the door.

~

It's been long enough that Minseok has stopped constantly missing Lu Han in EXO. Oh, sure, there are still times when he comes out of his bedroom and expects to see Lu Han laughing with the others, when they're performing and he expects to hear Lu Han's voice in songs, or when someone comes up behind him and he fully expects it to be Lu Han come to tell him something or just touch him for no particular reason. But it's not a constant thing anymore like it was at the beginning, a gaping hole in his idol life that he thought would never close.

He doesn't miss Lu Han his fellow idol all the time, but he does miss Lu Han his boyfriend, though that's also nothing like it was at the beginning. It doesn't hurt like it used to, doesn't fill him with despair if he lets himself think about it. It makes him sad, but it's a quiet sort of sadness, easy to ignore most of the time. It's a little harder now, though, with the memory of Lu Han's touch so fresh, the memory of the way his smile looks up close and the way his voice sounds with his lips right against Minseok’s ear. It almost makes Minseok think it's better not to see each other and be reminded of what they're missing, but he knows he'll jump at the next opportunity without hesitation.

It's not as if he has much time to think about Lu Han anyway, with concerts and music shows and recording and endless practices. Minseok's head is full of choreography and blocking and lyrics and harmonies, to say nothing of the schoolwork he squeezes into the gaps between work and sleep. His life is so full you wouldn't know anything was missing unless you looked very closely, at quiet bedtimes or in the morning when he still sometimes wakes up thinking Lu Han will be there next to him.

It's not one of those mornings, just a normal sleepy one about seven weeks after Minseok met Lu Han. Minseok's the first one up as usual, nursing his coffee and enjoying a rare moment of quiet, preparing himself to face another busy day. There's still more than an hour and a half before they have to go anywhere, so he's not expecting anyone else to get up just yet, but suddenly Zitao bursts out of his bedroom and exclaims, "Hyung, there you are!"

Minseok raises an eyebrow at his behavior, wondering if he should worry. This is rather more energy/drama than Zitao usually has in the morning. "Is something wrong?" he asks.

"Yes, well, maybe—yes. You see..." Zitao frowns, looking vaguely uncomfortable, which definitely makes Minseok worried. "Here." He shoves his phone at Minseok, who takes it uncertainly.

There's a website open on his phone, which Minseok assumes is what he's supposed to be looking at. It's too early for him to attempt to decipher the wall of Chinese characters, but he does recognize Lu Han's name in the headline. "What is it?" he asks warily.

"Just look," Zitao says.

Minseok scrolls down the page, and as he does, he starts to understand what this is about and why Zitao didn't want to explain it to him. The first picture he sees is just a normal close-up of Lu Han, probably some promotional shot, but the next picture stops him in his tracks. It's much lower quality, but clear enough for him to understand what he's seeing: Lu Han, bare chested and facing the camera, with another person standing in front of him. It's hard to see exactly what that person is doing to him, but Minseok doesn't have to because he knows; that's him kissing Lu Han's neck.

That's incriminating enough, but if someone managed a picture of that, how much worse do they have? Minseok nervously continues scrolling past a few similar pictures, including one where they're turned to the side enough for it to be unequivocally clear that the person with Lu Han is male. Then he gets to the next one and bites out a "Fuck" because there's Lu Han still facing the camera with Minseok on his knees in front of him. He still has his pants on, at least, but there can't be any doubt of what's about to happen. 

Minseok quickly scrolls the rest of the way, and at least there are no pictures of what happened next, but this is more than enough to cause a major scandal. How could this happen? They were always so careful to keep the windows covered. "What is this site?" he asks Zitao.

"Not a news site," Zitao tells him. "Some random website. It was just posted this morning."

"What does it say?" 

Zitao takes his phone back and looks at the page. "China's prince not so innocent...caught with a man in a hotel room...image destroyed...who is this man?"

The last part catches Minseok off guard. "They don't know?" He realizes belatedly that none of the pictures showed his face,

Zitao shakes his head. "They don't say it straight out, but they're hinting that maybe it's a, um...what's the word?"

"A hooker?" Minseok offers.

He's hoping he's wrong, but Zitao says, "Yeah. Hyung...that is you, right?"

Minseok nods. This is awkward, but Zitao seeing pictures of him and Lu Han in compromising positions is the least of his problems right now. If this is a public website, a lot more people are seeing those pictures right now. It's obviously very bad for Lu Han, but Minseok can't assume he's safe either just because the person who posted these pictures decided not to give away his identity. If they were somehow photographing at that angle, there's no way they didn't get pictures with his face in them. Maybe they didn't recognize him, but there's no doubt that someone would if those pictures got out.

He rubs a hand over his face; he hasn't had nearly enough coffee for this. "Does Lu Han know?"

"I texted him but he hasn't replied yet," Zitao says.

Minseok takes a deep breath, as though that's enough to prepare him to deal with this. "I'll go call him. Can you wake Junmyeon and have him tell the managers?"

"Are you...do you really want to do that?" Zitao asks. He's starting to look really worried, as though it's finally sinking in how serious this is.

"I have to," Minseok says. "If there's a chance this is going to get back to me, we need to be prepared." He's not looking forward to the lecture he's going to get, but he needs to be responsible about this, for EXO's sake.

"Okay." Zitao hesitates like he wants to say something else, but then he just flashes Minseok a grim smile and walks off.

Minseok goes back to his bedroom to call Lu Han. He's not looking forward to breaking the news to Lu Han if he hasn't seen it yet (and surely he would have called or texted if he had), but better him than anyone else. With a sigh, he dials Lu Han's number. The phone rings once, twice, three times, and finally Lu Han answers just as the fourth ring starts. "Hello?" He's speaking Chinese, so he must not have looked to see who's calling, not surprising given that he still sounds half asleep.

"Hi," Minseok says. "It's me."

"Minseok?" Lu Han sounds happy, but then more wary as he continues, "Why are you calling so early?"

Reluctantly, Minseok says, "Look at your messages."

"What?" There's a pause as Lu Han presumably does that, and then he says, more distantly, "You didn't send me anything."

"No, Tao did."

The silence is longer this time, but Minseok knows when Lu Han sees the site because he mutters, "Shit." Then, "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. What the hell is this?"

He sounds angry and also scared, and it makes Minseok want to punch whoever is responsible. Lu Han doesn't deserve this. "I don't know. Zitao told me it just went up this morning."

"How the _fuck..._ " Lu Han trails off. "This is from the last time, isn't it? But how the hell did they get these pictures? We closed the curtains, right?"

"Yeah. It's the wrong angle to be from the window anyway."

"Then...there must have been a camera in the room. Fucking hell." Lu Han sounds disgusted now too, all those emotions mixed together in his rough morning voice. Minseok doesn't know what to say, so he waits. A few long seconds of silence pass before Lu Han says, "Minseok, they don't show you. Your face, I mean."

"No." Minseok sighs. He's glad of that, but at the same time, he doesn't like the idea that Lu Han will suffer alone for something they both did.

"Don't say anything," Lu Han says sharply, as though he's reading Minseok's mind. "Okay? There's no point in dragging you into this if they're just going after me." When Minseok doesn't respond quickly enough, he repeats, "Okay?"

"I won't. But I need to tell our managers and whoever they want to tell in case more does get out."

Now Lu Han sighs. "I should do that too. These pictures...if they got them by sneaking into my hotel room, maybe we can force them to take it down. If nothing else, we'll have to do damage control. The quicker the better, probably."

"Go," Minseok tells him. "We'll talk later."

"Yeah," Lu Han says, but he doesn't hang up.

"Go," Minseok prods. Then, "I love you."

He can just imagine the sad smile on Lu Han's face at his words. "I love you too," Lu Han says. "I...I'll talk to you later."

It wasn't a long conversation, but when Minseok comes out of his bedroom, their manager is already standing in the living room, along with Zitao and Junmyeon and too many other members. He must have already been on his way when Junmyeon called, which is good so they can get this conversation over with quickly, but bad because Minseok isn't ready for it. He can see the other members know too by the way they're looking at him, their expressions covering a range of awkwardness and sympathy and pity.

"Let's talk," their manager says to Minseok. "You come too, Junmyeon." They go back into Minseok's room to have as much privacy as it's possible to have in the crowded dorm.

"I'm sorry," Minseok says after he closes the door, to both the manager and Junmyeon (who he expects will take some heat for this, despite it being entirely out of his control).

"How did this happen?" the manager asks. "I know you're not stupid."

"The only thing we could figure out is someone must have planted a camera in Lu Han's hotel room the last time I saw him," Minseok explains. "Something small that he wouldn't notice. That's the only way they could have gotten pictures at that angle. We were careful, but we didn't expect anything like that."

The manager sighs heavily. "Maybe this was bound to get out sooner or later, but I never thought it would be like this. I should have known better than to let you see him."

_I would have gone anyway,_ Minseok thinks, but he wonders if that's true. He doesn't know what he'd do if someone really forced him to choose between his job and Lu Han, and he hopes he's not about to find out.

"Zitao said they don't identify you on the site," Junmyeon puts in, probably trying to change the subject.

"No," Minseok says, "and I doubt those pictures are enough for anyone to identify me. They must have others, but unless they decide to release them..."

Their manager nods. "We'll keep quiet about it, then, and prepare contingency plans in case they do decide to out you too. You understand I'll have to tell the higher ups everything now." He's kept quiet about Minseok and Lu Han until now, both the dating part and the sneaking around since Lu Han left part; he'll probably be in trouble now too for keeping that secret for them."

"I know," Minseok says.

"And I don't care how close we get to him, you can't risk going to see Lu Han. Everyone will be watching him like a hawk."

"I know." It'll be hard, because who knows how long it'll be until it's safe for them to meet again, but Minseok will deal with it.

"Then as long as no one connects this to you, we'll continue as normal, and just keep an eye out in case anything changes." Their manager gives Minseok a measuring look. "I understand that it'll be hard for you standing by and watching Lu Han deal with this, but don't do anything stupid, all right? If not for yourself, then for EXO. This group has had too much scandal already."

"Of course." For himself, Minseok might be willing to take the risk, but he can't put EXO through that. Besides, it wouldn't help Lu Han to be worrying about him too.

"I'll go make some calls," the manager says. "You two get ready for work."

After he leaves, Minseok tells Junmyeon, "I'm sorry," again.

Junmyeon smiles, though it's forced. "What's one more dating scandal?" he jokes. Then, more seriously, "I'm sorry this happened. It's fucked up. But you'll get through it. And Lu Han...hey, maybe China loves him enough to forgive him even this."

It's hard to believe that, but at this point, all Minseok can do is hope.

~

It feels very strange for Minseok to be going about a normal workday knowing that over in China, Lu Han is getting raked over the coals. Lu Han texted Minseok around the time he left the dorm to say that his team decided they should cancel his work for the day and hide out from both reporters and his hardcore fans at home, but that's all he knows. For his part, he goes to EXO's various schedules with no indication that anything is amiss. (He wonders if word of Lu Han's scandal has reached Korea yet, and how the fans will react when it does. Lu Han may not be part of EXO anymore, but that doesn't mean people won't use it as an excuse to pick on them, or just try to pry good gossip out of them.)

There are some minor indications that it's not an entirely normal day, mostly in the form of the other members giving him _looks_ at regular intervals. He wonders what they're thinking—how much of it is worrying about him, how much is worrying for the group as a whole, and how much, if any, is disgust or disapproval. The EXO members have all known about him and Lu Han for a long time, but that's different from having the exact nature of the relationship rather explicitly shoved in their faces.

He's waiting to see who will decide they need to talk to him first, and it turns out to be Jongdae, during a water break in their afternoon dance practice. "How are you doing, hyung?" he asks, warm and friendly and immediately allaying any concerns Minseok might have had about his reaction.

Minseok shrugs. He's doing fine as long as he doesn't think about Lu Han, or about someone having pictures of him giving Lu Han a blowjob and who knows what else, or about possibly getting outed to the entire country when the only people he's told are the EXO members and a few staff and his immediate family.

"That good, huh?" Jongdae gives Minseok a chance to respond, but when he doesn't, he adds, "We don't have to talk about it. But if you do want to, now or later on, you know you can, right?

"Thank you." Minseok doesn't want to think about it more right now, but he finds himself saying, "Just...forget you ever saw those pictures, okay?"

Jongdae laughs, but kindly. "I'm happy to. I prefer to draw the line at hearing about my friends' sex lives. I don't need to see anything."

Even though they didn't really talk about anything, it makes Minseok feel a little better to see Jongdae interacting with him like nothing has changed. He's just thinking that that might not be the case if this does end up causing trouble for EXO when Jongdae adds, "Oh, and hyung? Don't blame yourself, okay? It's not your fault someone stepped way over the line and took and then shared those pictures. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Don't you know idols dating is wrong?" Minseok jokes. Then, more soberly, "And dating men..."

Jongdae cuts him off, "We've been over that. Date who you want. Be happy."

He makes it sound so easy and it's not, but it makes Minseok smile all the same. "I'll try," he says.

~

Minseok sends Lu Han a few texts over the course of the day, but his replies are brief and cagey, obviously not wanting to worry him. They get home late that night, but Minseok decides it's worth putting off sleep to call Lu Han. He answers on the first ring this time, probably bored out of his mind just sitting at home. Lu Han's never been good at that, at least not without good company.

"Just get home?" Lu Han asks.

"As usual." Minseok smiles into his phone. "How are you?"

"Okay," Lu Han answers in a way that sounds like a reflex.

"Are you really?" Minseok asks.

There's a pause before Lu Han answers this time. "I've been better. I had to call my parents to talk about how they found out I have a boyfriend because everyone in fucking China saw pictures of me kissing him."

Minseok grimaces. He told his own family already, but Lu Han's kept putting it off, worried about their reactions. "How'd they take it?"

"My dad yelled at me for being careless and my mom yelled at me for hiding it from them so they had to find out like this, and I didn't realize until I hung up that neither of them actually said how they feel about me having a boyfriend. I'm guessing that means they don't like it, though at least they didn't disown me." Despite Lu Han's wry tone, it's obvious to Minseok that he's upset about this. 

"It is a terrible way to find out, so give them time. They eventually came around on you being an idol, right? Maybe they'll learn to live with this too."

"Maybe," Lu Han says, not sounding very convinced. "Anyway, the good news is we managed to get the pictures taken down from the site, but once something's posted online, you know it's never going away."

"Yeah." That's something, but it already too late to take it back. "Is the reaction really bad? I think Zitao wanted to tell me about it tonight, but Junmyeon steered him away."

"That's probably for the best," Lu Han says. "I've been told I shouldn't look, but I'm bored and I keep peeking. It's...not good."

"Define 'not good.'" Minseok isn't sure he wants to know, but he feels like he owes it to Lu Han to at least hear about the fallout.

Lu Han sighs loudly enough for Minseok to hear it over the phone. "A lot of people are angry for a lot of different reasons: because I'm possibly dating someone, because that someone is a guy, because I'm supposed to be pure and innocent and not have sex..."

Minseok has to laugh at that; Lu Han hasn't been anything approaching pure and innocent for as long as Minseok has known him, and he's sung enough songs about sex to make that clear.

The moment of levity immediately passes as Lu Han continues, "A bunch of companies I had sponsorship deals with dropped me. There's still quite a few left, but they're probably just waiting to see how the winds blow before they do anything. We've already filmed too much of this movie for them to drop me, but the one I had lined up after this said they 'might consider' recasting, and I'm not expecting any new offers any time soon."

"You never know," Minseok says.

Lu Han doesn't argue, but he doesn't agree either, Minseok's words lingering in the silence. "The thing is, I could never work again and do just fine," Lu Han says after too long a pause. "As far as money, I mean. I'm lucky, I guess, that I don't have to worry about that. But I like working..."

"Don't give up," Minseok tells him, trying to sound cheerful in hopes that it'll rub off on Lu Han. "It might suck for a while, but a new scandal will come along and distract people. And you have so many fans you could probably afford to lose a lot and still be popular enough to work."

"I hope so." They lapse into silence again, longer this time, until Lu Han says, "I keep thinking about those pictures. That is, not the pictures, but the fact that someone took them and put them up for anyone to see. It's...you know, I've learned to live with fans and reporters following me everywhere I go and gossiping about everything I do. I've gotten used to being public property like that, but I thought there were still some parts of my life that were only mine. And now...that was _our_ private moment, except that it wasn't after all."

He's obviously been thinking about this a lot, and Minseok has tried not to, but he understands all too well how Lu Han feels. Being an idol means a lot of people thinking they have a right to your entire being, and having to fight against that to maintain some privacy and sense of self. It's hard to have it so clearly shoved in their faces that, at least in the eyes of many people, they're not allowed to have anything that's only for them. He can't think of what to say to make it better, so instead, he says, "I love you."

He's relieved, if perhaps a little insulted, when Lu Han laughs. "I love you too, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Because that _is_ only ours," Minseok says firmly. "I mean, I get it. It really sucks. But that night was just one little part of our relationship. They can't have it all."

Lu Han goes quiet again, and Minseok can't guess what he's thinking. Finally, he says, "Minseok, you know, we're not going to be able to see each other as long as things are like this. No one seems to know who I was with, but they're going to stalk me even worse than usual to find out. If we meet, they'll figure it out."

"I know." Minseok has already resigned himself to not seeing Lu Han in person for a good long time.

"I don't want to drag you down with me. What I'm saying is...if you want to break up, I'll un—"

"No." Minseok doesn't need to hear the rest of Lu Han's sentence to know what he wants to say. "If you really want to break up, we can, but don't do me any favors. You don't want to break up, do you?"

"No," Lu Han meekly admits. "I just...be careful, okay? It's bad enough that this is happening to me. I don't want them to get you too."

"I'll do my best," Minseok says. "And if they do get me, we can run off to some gay friendly country together."

Lu Han laughs. "Okay, if it comes to that." Then, "I love you." It's not like them to say it several times in a conversation, or even a day, but under the circumstances, it makes sense.

"Me too." Minseok stifles a yawn, suddenly aware of the time and how few hours are left until he has to get up again. "I should sleep. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Lu Han still doesn't exactly sound happy, but better, Minseok thinks, than when they started talking. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Minseok doesn't feel happy either as he hangs up the phone, but he does feel grateful for Lu Han. As much as he hates their current situation, he doesn't regret their relationship, and he won't, he firmly resolves, allow anyone to take it away from them.

~

Minseok doesn’t keep up with the Korean netizen chatter like some of the other members, but he can tell the news has hit Korea the next day when fans outside the SM building yell things about Lu Han to them. “Good thing Lu Han is gone!” one girl declares, while another asks, “Did you know Lu Han was one of _those_?” Minseok does his best to stop listening after that, afraid to hear what they think of Lu Han—and by extension him, even if they don’t realize it.

Minseok is sitting next to Baekhyun at lunch, and against his better judgment, he asks, “Have you read anything?”

“Not much yet,” Baekhyun says, but he’s clearly hedging. Minseok gives him a look that says, ‘I know what you’re doing,’ and he reluctantly amends, “Okay, some.”

“And?” Whatever people are saying, it's better at least to hear it now from Baekhyun than to be caught off guard in a more public moment.

“You know.” Baekhyun squirms uncomfortably. “The people who already hated Lu Han hate him more now, and feel smug about how they were right to think he was bad all along. Some of the people who liked him hate him now, and some are in denial, saying that it’s not what it looks like or it wasn’t even him. Some people are talking about he’s going to hell, and I’d say about a third of them are happy about it and the rest are worrying about him. And you know, there are some more sensible people saying those pictures are private and it’s no one’s business if he’s sleeping with or dating guys.”

“How many, about two?” Minseok jokes, a bit of gallows humor.

“At least five.” Baekhyun makes a face. “Just remember that fans are fickle. Antis are always going to hate, but a lot of fans will get over it, especially if they don’t get any new fodder. It’s better not to pay attention to the stupid shit they say when they’re shocked and being all dramatic about it.” Baekhyun would know something about the fickle nature of fans, Minseok supposes, though this scandal is a level beyond his dating drama.

"All the cool kids have haters," Sehun puts in from Baekhyun's other side. Minseok raises an eyebrow at him and he shrugs.

"Maybe so," Minseok concedes. He doesn't really believe that, but it is some comfort to have various EXO members make an effort to cheer him up and support him. They weren't all so accepting when they first found out he and Lu Han were together, but they came around to varying degrees. Minseok doesn't expect all, or even most fans to do the same, but maybe there are some who love Lu Han enough to accept not just that it's okay for him to be with someone, but that it's okay for him to be with a guy. Maybe, if it comes to that, there are some who would do the same for Minseok.

~

Work finishes at a relatively reasonable hour, by idol standards, that night, and Minseok texts Lu Han to ask if he wants to talk. He replies by immediately starting a video call, which Minseok answers even though he just walked in the door. "So fast."

"I just wanted to see your face that badly." Lu Han grins. "Did you just get home?"

"Yeah." Minseok closes his bedroom door and walks over to the bed. "Let me put you down so I can change."

"Do I get to watch?" Minseok rolls his eyes, and Lu Han laughs. "You're not very good at this long-distance relationship thing. If you won't give me phone sex, you should at least let me watch you strip."

It's a running joke, because neither of them is good enough at dirty talk to do phone sex without endless awkwardness, and the video equivalent would be awkward in different ways. They might get desperate enough someday, but they're not there yet. (Minseok isn't, anyway, and Lu Han hasn't tried too hard to persuade him.)

"Fine." Minseok puts the phone on speaker and props it up on his pillow, but it immediately falls facedown.

"Great view," Lu Han says.

"Use your imagination," Minseok retorts, but he does pick the phone up. It takes three more tries before he finally gets it to stay. "There. But don't think you're getting an actual striptease."

"You'd do it so well, though." 

Minseok ignores Lu Han and changes for bed without ceremony. He doesn't think it's a very interesting thing to watch, but Lu Han doesn't complain. "Happy?" he asks when he's done.

"Good enough," Lu Han says, grinning.

Minseok lies down, holding the phone in front of him. "So how are things?" Lu Han's smiling, which seems like a good sign, but it's hard to be sure.

"I went to work today," Lu Han says. "Movie filming."

"How was it?" It can't have been easy to go out and face the world today like nothing happened, but Lu Han is tough.

Lu Han gives a wry grimace. "Awkward, but not as bad as I thought it might be. The director said she didn't want any fuss, so the worst I got is some dirty looks. And I even had two people express sympathy."

"That's good."

"Yeah." Lu Han hesitates, his smile more wistful now. "I keep thinking that maybe it'll be okay after all. There'll be a big fuss like any scandal, but then it'll blow over eventually and I'll be able to continue working. I don't know if I'm being too optimistic or not."

"It's been two days," Minseok points out. "It's way too soon to know. But you might as well be optimistic, right?"

"That's true. How about you? Busy day?"

"Yeah." Minseok tells Lu Han a little about his day, mostly about the silly things the members did so that he'd smile more. This felt awkward for a while after Lu Han left, but enough time has passed for Lu Han to enjoy Minseok's EXO stories instead of looking uncomfortable or sad. It's nice for Minseok to talk to someone who doesn't already know everything they do but knows the members well and understands how it is being in EXO.

There's a brief silence when Minseok runs out of things to say, and then Lu Han asks, "You sure you're not up for phone sex?"

Minseok laughs. "I'd like to see you try."

For a second, Lu Han looks like he might take the (unintentional) bait, but then he says, "Maybe next time. Should I let you get to sleep?"

"I guess." It's earlier than Minseok often gets to sleep, but still by no means early. "Are you filming again tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Lu Han's expression is a little tight, and Minseok suspects that he's more nervous about having to go out and work in his current situation than he's letting on.

"Good luck," Minseok says. "Let me know how it goes."

"Thanks." Now Lu Han smiles again, and Minseok likes that much better. He just hopes that Lu Han's optimism will turn out to be justified and he'll smile like this a lot more.

~

They have a music show recording the next day, and no one says anything to EXO (or at least not when Minseok's around), but he can see the looks and hear the whispers. They're not all disapproving looks, to be fair. Many of the other idols and staff simply seem curious, and some...it's possible Minseok is reading too much into their expressions, but he thinks they look nervous or even scared. That makes sense; there are many idols with reasons to fear dating scandals, and no doubt some percentage who fear a gay dating scandal of their own. It would be nice if they didn't have to worry, but that's not in the cards yet for any idols, especially not the gay ones.

He wonders how their reactions would be different if it was his name instead of Lu Han's splashed over every idol gossip site, or both of them together. Would they say kind things or cruel things or just look away and pretend not to see him? It's better if he never finds out, but he can't help thinking about it. Part of him is on edge, worrying that he'll be exposed sooner or later, and part of him just feels guilty that Lu Han is dealing with this alone. He understands that he should feel lucky and that it wouldn't help Lu Han to be worrying about him on top of dealing with the situation himself, but that doesn't make the guilt go away.

In the evening, he gets cornered for the manager talking to he knew was coming sooner or later. "As you can imagine," their manager says, "the higher ups aren't pleased, either about the current situation or about you seeing Lu Han in the first place. Lu Han isn't exactly Lee Soo Man's favorite person these days."

Minseok bobs his head apologetically, more to avoid having to respond than because he's really sorry. He is sorry that the pictures were taken and that they got out, but he's not sorry about seeing Lu Han. He won't argue with Lee Soo Man, but nobody in EXO subscribes to the notion that Lu Han deserves to be shunned.

He's sure their manager knows that, but he doesn't comment. "They asked me if you're still together," he says instead, "and I told them I didn't know." Minseok opens his mouth to respond, but their manager cuts in, "It's probably better if I don't know. Just don't go see him or talk about him where people might hear or post about him on any social media people might see. I don't have to tell you that, do I?"

"No." Minseok knows how to be responsible. 

"Good." Their manager flashes him a smile. "I'm supposed to give you more of a lecture, but I know you'll be careful, and you probably already feel worse about it than I could make you feel."

Minseok appreciates the reprieve; he is indeed doing a good job of making himself feel guilty.

"I was thinking we should get in contact with Lu Han's people to discuss how they're dealing with the situation and form a contingency plan just in case you're exposed too. Do you know what they're doing?"

"I know they got the pictures taken down off that website, but that's it. I can tell Lu Han to call you about it. I don't think any of his staff speaks Korean."

The manager nods. "Please do." After a moment, he adds, "How is Lu Han doing? It can't be easy for him."

"No." Lu Han has seemed cheerful enough in his texts today, but Minseok knows better than to think that means he's not having a hard time. "But he's trying to think positive. It's too soon to really say how this will go."

"That's true. Who knows, maybe he'll blaze a new path for idols to be openly gay."

"Maybe." That sounds a little _too_ optimistic, but there's always a chance.

"I'm hoping for the best for you both," their manager says.

"Thank you." Minseok isn't sure what that means, but he appreciates it nevertheless. That's all any of them can do right now, just hope that things turn out for the best.

~

Five days after the pictures go live, Minseok is still in the clear, and he's able to make a quiet visit home to see his parents and his sister. His parents are always clueless about idol gossip, and his sister makes an effort to avoid it when it comes to EXO, so he expects they might not know anything about Lu Han's situation (and Minseok's, since they do know he and Lu Han are dating). He's not sure if that's good or bad; he really doesn't need his family seeing those pictures, but it might be nice to talk to someone who knows the truth but doesn't have to worry about being personally affected by it like the other EXO members.

For a good half an hour after Minseok arrives and they sit down to dinner, they make the kind of quiet conversation with occasional comfortable lulls that is typical of Minseok's family. Then, just as he's managed to put the outside world out of his mind, his sister hesitantly says, "Say, oppa, a coworker asked me yesterday if I knew anything about one of the Chinese idols who used to be in your group having a gay scandal. I didn't want to look it up, but...is that Lu Han-ssi?"

Small mercies at least that she didn't stumble on the pictures. "It is."

"What happened?" his father asks worriedly.

Minseok is also grateful that, unlike Lu Han, he's not being forced to come out to his family by this scandal, but it's still not easy to talk about it. "About two months ago, we had a concert in the same city where Lu Han was filming, so I went to see him. I was very careful not to be spotted, but we didn't realize someone had planted a camera in his hotel room. A few days ago, they posted an article with some of those pictures."

"Oh no." Minseok keeps his eyes on the table, so he can't see his mother's face, but he can hear the shock in her voice.

"For whatever reason," Minseok continues, "they were careful not to show my face, and they didn't mention my name—I don't know if they even recognized me—but Lu Han's not so lucky."

"Is he in a lot of trouble?" his sister asks.

"Like you might expect. It's too soon to say what the long-term effects are going to be, but he's lost a lot of work, and people are making a big fuss."

"I'm sorry," his mother says. "That must be very difficult. For you too."

"I'm fine," Minseok says gruffly. "We're keeping an eye on it in case anything new comes out, but as far as I know, no one suspects it's me."

"It still must be difficult for you," his mother says. "Seeing Lu Han-ssi dealing with this."

It's true, and kind of her to say so, but what's the use in dwelling on it? "Don't worry about me," he says.

Now that he's stopped staring at the table, he can see his mother's smile. "A mother's job is to worry. But I won't make a big deal about it. Just know that we support you."

Minseok is really very lucky, he thinks, to have his family and friends behind him.

~

Minseok's days are packed, and before he knows it, a week has passed. From what he hears from Lu Han and the other members, netizens in both China and Korea are still going wild over the news, but at least there haven't been any new pictures posted. Hopefully the legal threat was enough to keep the photographer quiet; they've already done their damage anyway.

Minseok hasn't had a chance to call Lu Han the last two days, but they've been texting and Minseok is starting to feel that there's something off about Lu Han. He's not as easy to read in text form as he is in person or even over the phone, but whereas for a while he was clearly making an effort to be optimistic and to talk about normal things rather than dwelling on the situation, he starts replying more slowly and more briefly, with less enthusiasm even in response to Minseok's comments.

_Is everything okay?_ Minseok asks after a while, once he's pretty sure he's not imagining things.

_Except the obvious,_ Lu Han writes back. _Nothing to worry about._

Minseok's not convinced, so that night, he asks Yixing, "Have you talked to Lu Han lately?"

Yixing looks surprised by the question. "Yeah. Why do you ask?"

Minseok shrugs. Now that it comes to saying it out loud, he feels like he's making too much of a fuss. "How do you think he's doing?"

"As well as can be expected," Yixing says. "But you know Lu Han. He doesn't sit around feeling sorry for himself."

That sounds positive, but Minseok still isn't convinced. "There hasn't been any change in what people are saying?"

"Are you talking about Lu Han?" Minseok turns around to find Zitao eavesdropping (if you can call it that when they're out in the dorm living room). He nods, and Zitao says, "Well..."

"It's nothing." The way Yixing says it, it's very obviously not nothing.

"What?" he pushes.

Yixing frowns. "Lu Han didn't want to worry you."

"I'll worry now, so just tell me." He doesn't like that Lu Han is keeping things from him, and he likes even less that there are things to keep from him.

"Well, you know how the article speculated about who it was with Lu Han?" Zitao says. Minseok does indeed remember the speculation that he was with a prostitute. "There's been a lot of gossip about that, or about it being a random hookup."

"Oh. But is that something new?"

Zitao and Yixing exchange a look that Minseok can't read. "Some people are saying that they wouldn't mind if Lu Han had a serious boyfriend, but they can't support him sleeping with some random man," Yixing explains. "It's probably just an excuse, or trying to stir up more drama, but a lot of people are talking about it."

Suddenly it makes sense. No wonder Lu Han didn't want him to know, when it's hard enough for Minseok to watch him suffer alone without thinking that he could do something about it.

"Don't feel guilty," Yixing says, cutting off that train of thought. "If it wasn't that, people would find some other reason why they can't possibly support Lu Han with a man, or dating at all. It wouldn't help anything for people to know the whole truth."

He's probably right, but Minseok still doesn't like it. People are misunderstanding Lu Han, making him into someone he's not. He sighs. "Don't hide things from me, okay? I don't care if Lu Han asks you to. I don't need to be protected. I'm not the one getting hated for this."

Zitao looks a little pouty, even though he should know that Minseok isn't mad at him, but Yixing just says, "I won't. Now go talk to Lu Han like I know you want to."

Minseok smiles sheepishly. Is he that easy to read? "I'm going," he says.

In his room, he dials Lu Han's number. The call goes to voicemail, but only ten seconds after he hangs up, his phone rings. "I just missed you," Lu Han says when he answers.

"I'm offended that you weren't waiting for my call," Minseok teases.

"I'll do better next time." Lu Han sounds cheerful enough—genuinely so—but Minseok is still concerned after what he heard and the way Lu Han's been acting.

"How was your day?" he asks, not wanting to jump right into it.

"Good. I've got about two weeks left before my part of filming wraps, so we're getting to the good stuff now."

"Sounds like fun." Minseok asks a few more questions to get Lu Han talking about that before he decides it's time to turn to less pleasant topics. "So, I heard from Yixing and Tao about the latest gossip in China."

"What?" Lu Han sounds startled, and obviously worried.

"All the gossip about who it is you were sleeping with in a hotel room."

"Oh, that." He can hear the grimace in Lu Han's voice. "That's just people being stupid."

"And yet you didn't want me to know about it."

He can't hear Lu Han's expression in the silence that follows, but it's not hard for him to imagine what it looks like. "Sorry," he says after an awkwardly long pause. 

"Don't be sorry," Minseok says. "But don't start keeping secrets because you think they'll bother me."

"I don't want you to feel guilty," Lu Han says gruffly. "It's not your fault. People are idiots."

"It must be frustrating, though. To have people saying all this stupid shit about you and you can't tell the truth and shut them up."

"What's your point, Minseok?" Lu Han's words aren't harsh, though he does sounds a little frustrated.

"Sorry." Minseok is frustrated too, but he shouldn't take it out on Lu Han. "I wish..." He sighs. "I don't know."

"I'm trying to ignore it," Lu Han says, more gently now. "You should too. There's no point. People will say and think whatever they want, but I know the truth and so do you."

"Yeah." Minseok laughs, as much to diffuse the tension as because anything's funny. "I can't believe people think you'd need to pay for sex."

" _Right?_ " Lu Han bursts out, though he sounds amused. "I'm insulted."

"It's okay. I know you're a stud." Minseok can't help laughing as he says it, but he doubts Lu Han minds.

"I'm glad you agree." The silence doesn't feel awkward this time, and Minseok is glad of that. It's a difficult, frustrating situation, but as long as they can still laugh, they'll be okay.

~

The days pass and Minseok starts to relax, to stop feeling like any minute someone will find out he was the man with Lu Han and his life will descend into chaos. He knows the threat is still there, but he thinks about it less. If it comes, it comes. There's nothing to be gained by worrying about it in advance.

Lu Han doesn't have that same luxury, but when Minseok talks to him, he seems to be doing well enough. He's wrapping up filming on his movie, and he makes some comments about how he'll be so bored when it's over, but only a few. He also says how it'll be nice to rest, and maybe he'll make some music or just play more soccer. Minseok thinks he'll find ways to occupy his time, in the end, at least for a while.

They're about two and a half weeks out when Zitao approaches Minseok in the morning. Minseok tries not to grimace at the serious expression on his face, guessing that it's about Lu Han. "What's up?" he asks.

"You said not to hide things from you, so I'm telling you," Zitao says. "It might just be nothing, but...people are still going on about who Lu Han was with. He hasn't made any statement except that the pictures were an invasion of privacy and shouldn't have been posted, you know. People are saying he'd say so if he was in a relationship, so that means it was a random hookup or whatever."

"Okay." This doesn't sound like anything new, though it's hard for Minseok to hear the details. Would it really help if Lu Han told the truth, or is it, as Yixing said, just an excuse to hate him?

"That's been going on for a while, but yesterday, some girl posted that she knows who Lu Han was with and people are wrong about him. Of course, no on believed her at first, but she insists she was there that night and saw the person in the pictures going into the hotel."

Now that is new, and potentially worrying. "She didn't say who?" Minseok asks.

"No, but she said it was someone she recognized. If she's a fan, it would make sense for her to recognize you." Zitao looks worried, and Minseok would like to reassure him, but he's worried too. He was careful to avoid the crowd of fans that night, but it's possible one was apart from the group and saw him. If she did, he could be in trouble.

"Did you tell Lu Han?" he asks, as much because he can't think of something positive to say as because he wants to know.

"I linked him to the post last night when it started to look serious," Zitao says. "He said he'd see how things looked this morning and if it seemed like she might talk, he'd message her to ask her not to."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? If she's lying, that'll just show that there is something to hide."

"It's already pretty obvious that there's something to hide." Zitao shrugs. "I checked her history and she has a lot of posts about Lu Han, going back to when he was in EXO, so she does seem to be a real fan. People are being jerks to her about what she's saying, so I don't know what she'd gain from lying."

Would a dedicated fan of Lu Han's be willing to throw Minseok under the bus if she thought it would help his situation? If so, they'll have to hope she's also enough of a fan to listen if Lu Han asks her not to. "Thanks for telling me," he tells Zitao. "Keep me posted if anything changes."

It'll be time to leave soon, but Minseok sends a quick text to Lu Han. _Tao filled me in on that girl saying she recognized me. Did you do anything about it?_

Lu Han doesn't reply until Minseok is in the car, squished between Chanyeol and Jongin. _I just sent her a message, since she wasn't dropping it. I'll let you know what happens._ He doesn't wait for Minseok to respond before adding, _Don't feel bad._

_Who says I am?_ Minseok writes back. Lu Han replies with a skeptical-looking sticker, which is not unwarranted. Lu Han's not trying to shut this down entirely for Minseok's benefit, since it's also bad for him if there's fresh gossip fodder that will make this into a bigger story than it already is, but Minseok doesn't doubt that it's partly, or maybe even mostly about Lu Han wanting to protect him. He appreciates that, but it feels uncomfortable at the same time.

_Thank you,_ he replies. _I hope it works._

Minseok spends the whole morning running around, and he doesn't get a chance to look at his phone until lunchtime. He has string of messages from Lu Han, which he warily opens. _She replied,_ says the first one. _She thinks it's a prank._

The second, a few minutes later, says, _I think I convinced her that it's really me and now she's freaking out._

Then, _I told her it's nice of her to want to protect my reputation, but to please not say anything about what she saw. I'm trying to be vague in case she doesn't actually know as much as she says._

A few minutes after that, _She's going on asking me if it doesn't bother me to have people say those things. What do you think?_ Several annoyed stickers follow that message.

And a full ten minutes later, _She finally gets it, I think. She says if I really don't want her to, she won't say anything. I hope that's the end of that._

Minseok hopes so too, though he's somewhat wary. if one person saw and recognized him, what if there are others? But if so, they'll deal with it when it comes. He can't be permanently on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop. _Fingers crossed,_ he replies.

~

Things are quiet again for a while after that. Zitao reports no new posts from the girl Lu Han talked to, and Lu Han says nothing much has changed. The general public has gotten bored with discussing his scandal, since no one's been able to dig up anything new on it, though fans and anti-fans are endlessly dissecting the pictures and the article and anything else that might possibly constitute evidence of Lu Han's illicit relationship.

"It's really kind of impressive the number of guys they've managed to find 'evidence' of me dating," Lu Han tells Minseok one night, pulling a wry face on the screen of Minseok's phone. "Basically every Chinese and Korean idol I've ever worked with, and various staff. People were even claiming it could have been one of the older guys I play soccer with, and none of them are built anything like you. I bet half of them are trolling, but I can't believe any of them seriously think they're right."

" _Are_ any of them right?" Minseok asks. "I am one of the Korean idols you've worked with..."

"There are some votes for you," Lu Han says, grinning. "People posted pictures of our coffee shop dates."

Minseok laughs, because while they did have some actual dates over coffee, there were also many innocent outings before they ever thought about getting together. "Any of our more recent dates?"

Lu Han shakes his head. "We were good at being sneaky when we were actually trying."

"Good." It's nice to keep things light, so Minseok asks, "Any other interesting prospects?"

"As you can imagine, Sehun was a popular choice." Another wry grimace from Lu Han. "It should be so obvious from those photos that it couldn't be him. You're clearly shorter than me, and Sehun isn't."

"No need to rub it in," Minseok jokes, as though he actually cares. (Lu Han has much more of a complex about his height than Minseok ever has or probably ever will have.) "Do you think they'll get tired of speculating eventually?"

"I hope so," Lu Han grumbles. "If I'm ever going to work again, I need people to lose interest and move on with their lives."

"Well, keep yourself busy in the meantime," Minseok says, making an effort to sound upbeat. He very much hopes Lu Han will work again, but realistically, it may take a long time. If Lu Han just sits around waiting for it, he's going to lose patience very quickly.

"I will." Lu Han smiles very deliberately, as if to reassure Minseok that he's doing all right. "I decided I should learn to play some more musical instruments, and maybe take up songwriting seriously." His smile turns wry. "Yixing laughed at me for that, the jerk. And I managed to play soccer yesterday without any major drama."

"Yeah?" That's good, but honestly surprising to Minseok. It's been hard for a long time for Lu Han to go anywhere without some drama. There may be fewer fans interested in following him around now, but surely many more reporters.

"Yeah. I wasn't sure how it would go, but the reporters gave up trying to talk to me once I started running around. Some of the guys I play with didn't even know what was going on, just had some vague idea there was a scandal about me. The ones who did mostly just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to hit on them, and then they didn't care." He laughs. "And this one guy, one of the oldest ones, was all, 'You've got to be careful about there being evidence.' I'm pretty sure he was talking about having affairs, not sleeping with guys, but who even knows?" 

"I mean, chances are _someone_ you know is into that, even if they'll never admit it," Minseok points out.

"Maybe they'll follow my good example and come out. But preferably not the same way."

It's a joke, but Minseok does wonder if that'll happen. He doubts Lu Han's going inspire anyone to come out publicly, at least not unless the general public comes around and accepts him, but who knows, maybe people will open up to him about their own secrets. "Maybe so. You could be an inspiration to gay youth everywhere."

Lu Han's expression slowly turns more serious. "You know, people have said a lot of nasty stuff about me, but I did see some posts. Not so much from kids who are gay, but saying things like 'My brother or my sister or my friend is gay and there's nothing wrong with that.' I don't know if it helps those kids to see that even famous idols can be like them, but...it must, right? Even if they also have to see all the awful shit in response."

"I think so," Minseok says firmly. "It's not perfect, obviously, but it's a start."

"Yeah." Lu Han's smile returns full force. "I'm glad I can do that much."


	2. Chapter 2

The weeks pass by and turn into months, and life continues as normal for Minseok. It doesn't for Lu Han, but he's been getting a lot of exercise and making music he has no concrete plans to release, finding ways to occupy his too much free time. He does text Minseok a lot more than usual (including way too many selfies showing off the muscles his increased exercise is earning him), but he insists he's not bored yet.

But Minseok supposes it's inevitable that something will happen. It's Yixing who comes to him this time, as they're approaching two months since the pictures were posted. "I don't want to worry you," he says, "but I thought you should know that that girl who claimed to have seen you going to Lu Han started posting again."

"What?" After all this time, Minseok thought they'd closed the door on that particular complication.

"I guess people have been pestering her pretty mercilessly since she went quiet," Yixing explains, "trying to hound her into saying something. She held out for a while, but yesterday she posted that Lu Han told her personally to not say anything. Of course that just made it worse."

"Do you think she'll talk?" Minseok asks worriedly.

Yixing frowns. "I'm used to people saying mean things to me on social media, but she's just a normal girl. If the bullies keep this up, I don't know that she'll hold out forever. She said today that she had proof, and if she's telling the truth..."

That's even worse, because people might brush off her claiming to have seen Minseok, but if she has proof, maybe pictures of him going into the hotel... "She didn't say what?"

Yixing shakes his head. "I would assume pictures of you. Is that possible?"

"She could've spotted me outside and snapped a few pictures. I was quick, but it wouldn't take much." Minseok sighs. "I assume Lu Han knows about this?"

"He spotted it before me yesterday," Yixing says. "He wanted to try to shut it down again before worrying you. I don't know how she responded to him, but it doesn't seem to be working."

"I'll talk to him." Minseok's getting worried that there's not much they can do in this situation, but he'll see what Lu Han has to say.

They're just on a short break at work, so it's not until a few hours later (after Minseok's been pouring every bit of energy and focus into dancing so he doesn't have to think) that he gets the time and privacy to call Lu Han, changing and flopping down on his bed with his phone, suddenly exhausted, though it's still relatively early.

"Hi," Lu Han answers cheerfully after a single ring.

"Hi." Minseok doesn't bother with pleasantries tonight, saying, "I talked to Yixing."

"Oh. You mean about...?" All the happiness has drained from Lu Han's voice. Minseok doesn't like the sound of it, but they have to talk about this.

"About the girl who says she has proof of who was with you that night."

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't say anything, but I was hoping she'd drop it if I asked again."

"She didn't?" Minseok asks.

"No. She started going on about how it's not right and maybe I care more about you than myself, but she doesn't. I tried to tell her it wouldn't help me anyway, and anything else I could think of that might convince her, but she's fed up. I don't know what else to do."

"Did she say anything about what proof she supposedly has?" Minseok asks. Maybe she's making it sound like more than it is.

"She said she has pictures," Lu Han tells him. "She was around the back of the hotel to get away from the crowd for a bit, and she saw you and took a few pictures." He sighs. "She actually used your name this time, without me saying anything. She could be lying about the pictures, but she's telling the truth about seeing you."

That's really bad news for Minseok, if she's not willing to let it go. "What should we do?" he asks.

"I don't know." Lu Han sounds defeated, but Minseok's too tired and too worried to reassure him. "I'm sorry, Minseok, I really tried to make her stop, but I don't think it's going to work. And if those pictures were taken in public, we can't shut it down like we did the hotel ones. She might hold out for a while, but I think she's going to tell."

"Maybe people won't believe her?" Minseok ventures. "It's just one fan who clearly has strong feelings about you."

"But if she has pictures?"

It comes back to pictures again, doesn't it? These ones may be less of a disturbing invasion of privacy, but they'll be just as dangerous to Minseok.

"I don't want to just wait until she gives in," Lu Han continues when Minseok doesn't say anything, "but what else can we do?"

"What if..." Maybe it's because Minseok is so exhausted that he says, without really thinking about it, "What if we don't wait?"

"What do you mean?" Lu Han asks, confused.

"You know, if it's not this girl, it'll be the person who took the pictures of the two of us, or someone else who got their hands on them, or someone else who saw too much, or someone catching us just when we finally decide it's safe to meet again. I don't want to keep waiting for someone to expose me and put whatever spin they want on the story." He doesn't know what they'd say about him in an article like the one that went with the initial pictures, and he doesn't want to find out.

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I'll tell the truth myself." It's a crazy idea, and Minseok knows it as soon as the words are out of his mouth, but it makes a certain kind of sense. If he outs himself, at least he can control the timing somewhat, and it'll be on his own terms. He's under no illusions that that'll make it easy, but it seems the best of the poor options right now.

"Minseok, you can't—are you serious?"

"Yeah." He can hardly believe it himself, but he is. "Look, I know it'll still suck, but this way I know when it's coming and I can decide what to say. I don't have to wait for some girl on the internet or some other person who knows too much to do it for me." He rubs a hand over his face, wondering how they got to this point. "Maybe we can coordinate something? SM won't like it, but I think we can sell it better if we do it together."

There's a long pause, and Minseok is worried Lu Han will say no, but what does he have to lose? This will bring new fodder for the gossip about him, but if it's going to happen anyway, they might as well get it over with so that if people are going to move on, they'll do it sooner. Finally, Lu Han says, "Okay, if you're really sure." He laughs nervously. "This is crazy."

"I know," Minseok says. "But let's do it." He's terrified just thinking about it, but at least Lu Han is with him.

Tired as he is, Minseok wastes no time in calling their manager about the situation. They don't have time to waste, if they want to do this before anything leaks out. He's understandably skeptical, but Minseok manages to convince him that his idea is reasonable. Then the manager has to convince the higher ups, who like it even less, and talk to Lu Han's staff, but somehow, within an hour of Minseok hanging up on Lu Han, he's booked on a flight to Beijing in the morning.

Minseok ventures out of his room to find most of the other members still up and about. He interrupts Junmyeon's conversation with Sehun and Chanyeol to say, "I need to talk to everyone." 

Junmyeon was laughing about something, but he instantly turns serious. "All right." 

They have to wake up Jongin and Kyungsoo, but within five minutes, all the EXO members are gathered in the living room. Minseok feels awkward standing in front of them, but he reasons that it'll be good practice for a far more awkward and frightening speech he'll have to give tomorrow. "All of you know about the situation with me and Lu Han," he starts. "It's looking more and more like we're not going to be able to keep it quiet forever that I was the other person in those pictures, so...we've decided to reveal it tomorrow."

Wide eyed and shocked expressions greet his announcement, and Baekhyun asks, "Seriously?"

"I know it sounds like a bad idea, but this way we can control the narrative and the timing and not have to play damage control after someone else outs me. It's obviously not ideal, but I think it's the best option at this point."

No one says anything—what a rare occasion for all of EXO to be shocked into silence—so he continues, "This is going to affect all of you, and I'm very sorry for that. I'll do whatever I can to keep the focus on me and Lu Han and not on EXO."

"Are you leaving?" Sehun asks, his puppy dog expression making it clear how he'd feel about that. Minseok doesn't feel good thinking about it either.

"No. Not yet. Hopefully not ever, but it depends on how bad the response is, and whether it eventually blows over or not." If management decides he's more trouble than he's worth, he knows they won't hesitate to cut him loose. EXO can get by just fine without him. He hopes it won't happen, but if it does...he'll deal with it then.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, then," Junmyeon puts in. To Minseok, he adds, "I think it's best for us to all keep our mouths shut publicly, but know that we're supporting you."

"Thank you," Minseok says. He feels guilty that EXO will get dragged into this more than they already have been, but he hopes the other members will understand.

It's getting late now, and the group quickly disperses, but Jongdae and Yixing linger. "You doing okay, hyung?" Jongdae asks.

Minseok shrugs. He's scared, but at the same time, strangely relieved, knowing that after tomorrow, this won't be hanging over him anymore. "I'll manage."

"You know we've got your back, right?" Jongdae says. "That's not just Junmyeon-hyung being cheesy."

"I know. Thank you."

Jongdae gives him a half hug, and Yixing flashes him a reassuring smile. "Say hi to Lu Han for us," Yixing says.

"Tell him no more muscle selfies," Jongdae adds.

Minseok bursts into surprised laughter, which is of course exactly what Jongdae intended. As he heads back to his room soon after, he still feels anxious, but less so than before.

Alone in his room, he sees a text from Lu Han. _Everything okay there?_

_Yeah,_ he writes back. _I'm going to sleep. See you tomorrow._

_Goodnight,_ Lu Han quickly responds, with an accompanying sticker. _I love you._

Minseok smiles at his phone. It'll be a tough day tomorrow, but at least he'll be with Lu Han again. Together, they can face this, and whatever follows it.

_I love you too._

~

Minseok texts his sister before he goes to bed, and wakes up to her reply: _I understand. Good luck!_ His parents are less good with texting, so he calls them in the car on the way to the airport. He doesn't relish this conversation, but his family deserves advance warning of what's coming. Like the EXO members, they're going to have to deal with some fallout from this, but he hopes it won't be too much. His parents and his sister aren't public figures. They don't deserve the kind of treatment idols have to deal with. The fans have mostly left them alone until now, but...this will be different, he fears. He's never had a scandal of his own before, let alone one this big.

His mother answers the phone. "Good morning. You're calling very early." She sounds cheerful but also wary, presumably guessing by the unexpected call that something is wrong.

"I'm on my way to the airport," Minseok explains. "I'm going to China."

"For work?" his mother asks.

"Not exactly." He takes a deep breath, bracing himself, and says, "We're going to do a press conference. To talk about, you know...to tell the truth. About me and Lu Han."

Tense silence follows his words. "You're going to announce it?" his mother asks after too long a pause, her tone carefully neutral.

"Yes. It doesn't look like we'll be able to keep my part of it a secret forever, so we decided to say it ourselves instead of waiting for someone else to."

"That makes sense, I suppose. But Minseok..." She's clearly worried, and he can understand that. He's worried too.

"I don't know what the response will be like. Probably pretty bad, at least at first. And people might bother you too, so I'm sorry if—"

"Don't worry about that," his mother cuts in. "Just take care of yourself." She pauses. "Minseok, you're sure about this?"

"It's not a great choice," he admits, "but I think it's the best choice I have."

"All right, then. Let us know how it goes, okay?"

"I will."

Their manager is driving, and will accompany Minseok to China. When Minseok hangs up, he asks, "How is your family about...all of this? I realize I never even asked if they know."

"They do. Lu Han's parents didn't, but I told mine a while ago. They..." He laughs weakly. "They'd definitely prefer that I find a nice girl I can eventually marry and have a couple of kids with, but they support me deciding for myself what I want. Even with these consequences, they still support me."

"It's good that you have that," the manager says. After a moment, he adds, "I think you're right that the response to this is going to get bad. I don't know how bad, but definitely bad. We'll do what we can, but I hope you're preparing yourself for the possibility of not being able to work as an idol again. That said...I think you'll do okay no matter what happens. You're responsible and hardworking and likable. You'll find a new place for yourself if you have to."

"Thank you." It's scary to think that this might bring an abrupt end to the career he's poured so much time and hard work into, but if it comes to that, he'll find a way to cope. He'll have to.

They don't talk much more during the trip, though the manager gives Minseok a hastily-drafted suggestion of what he should say at the press conference. It feels stiff and emotionless and not really him, though safe. He doesn't really know what he wants to say. The whole point of this is so they can control how their relationship is presented, but is there any way of revealing the truth that won't cause a huge backlash? He can't think of one. If that's the case, then maybe the best thing to do is to be as honest as he can handle and deal with whatever follows.

They take a car from the airport right to the press conference venue. The reason they're having it in China is so that Lu Han could announce it without bringing Minseok into it and giving everything away in advance, so Minseok sneaks in, hopefully managing better this time than he did when he went to Lu Han's hotel room. They go in a small back door and down a sketchy hallway and finally arrive at a room with a stern-looking man standing at the door. 

"Lu Han?" the manager asks. (They really should've brought someone who actually speaks Chinese with them, Minseok thinks.) The man eyes them skeptically. The manager gestures at Minseok and says his name. Minseok takes off his hat and smiles disarmingly.

The guard opens the door just enough to stick his head in and say something in Chinese. Minseok only catches a few useless words and what he thinks is supposed to be his name. Then, the door abruptly opens the rest of the way to reveal Lu Han. "You're here." It's a sign of how anxious Lu Han must be that he only smiles weakly at the sight of Minseok.

There's no one outside except for the guard, but Lu Han waits until the door is closed to give Minseok a hug, holding on tight for too long for it be simply a greeting. Minseok doesn't mind; he's missed Lu Han, and he could use the comfort too. "It's okay," he whispers. Lu Han says nothing.

Lu Han's already dressed and ready to go, so Minseok goes to change out of his traveling clothes and make himself presentable (with help from one of Lu Han's staff, a woman who makes no effort to communicate with him). They're keeping things simple today; the goal is to look clean and respectable, and also innocent. It's a good day for both of them to look younger than they are, in hopes that people will find their (supposed) sins more forgivable that way.

Traffic coming from the airport was better than expected, so there's still half an hour to kill by the time Minseok's ready. After a quick explanation of the plan for the press conference, he and Lu Han go to one corner of the room so they can talk more privately. They're not actually in private, but that doesn't stop Lu Han from putting an arm around Minseok. Perhaps he thinks there's no point in hiding anymore. Minseok agrees, so he doesn't protest. "Your flight was okay?" he asks.

"Yeah." Minseok is positive that's not what Lu Han really wants to talk about. "You look nervous."

"I don't know why _I'm_ freaking out," Lu Han says. "People already know about me."

"It's different." People know about Lu Han being with a guy, but they don't know about his relationship with Minseok. They're both putting themselves out there in a new way, putting something private on display to anyone who cares to pay attention.

"Yeah. Aren't you scared? You seem so calm." Lu Han's fingers tap out a rapid pattern on his thigh.

"I'm not calm." Minseok flashes Lu Han a small smile. "I'm not ready for this at all, but...at least it's my decision, you know? Even if it wasn't much of a choice."

Lu Han nods. "I'm glad we're together for this." He looks down. "It's been hard alone."

Minseok gives his knee a comforting squeeze. "Once we tell the world, you're stuck with me forever, you know?"

"Forever, huh?" Lu Han sounds kind of amused now, which is reassuring.

"Yup, forever." Minseok doesn't really mean it—he's not ready for that kind of commitment—but if he and Lu Han can get through this and stay together, it's hard to imagine anything breaking them apart.

Lu Han hugs Minseok into his side. "I'm okay with that."

The half hour passes both painfully slowly and far too quickly, and then it's time. "Good luck," Lu Han says, looking pale but resolute.

"We can do this," Minseok replies.

It's not large as press conferences go, but Minseok is used to being surrounded by EXO members, splitting up the reporters' focus. Today, considering that no one knew until an announcement just before they came out that Minseok would be here, an overwhelming amount of the attention is on him. He stands up straight next to Lu Han and looks into the flashing cameras and hopes he doesn't look as nervous as he feels. 

Lu Han speaks first, and Minseok doesn't even attempt to understand his Chinese speech. His voice is mostly steady, though small and tight. He picks up strength as he goes, finally saying something that sounds very resolute. A moment later, to Minseok's surprise, Lu Han takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. That was definitely not part of the plan, which involved behaving minimally gay. It may be a bad idea, but with Lu Han's hand in his, Minseok feels more ready to face his own speech. He'll have to believe that whatever Lu Han said, he had a good reason for holding Minseok's hand in footage that will be all over Chinese and Korean news.

Lu Han finishes speaking shortly after that, so Minseok braces himself and begins. "I didn't understand Lu Han's speech, so I apologize if I repeat too much. First of all, thank you for coming here at such short notice, and thank you to everyone who watches this. I hope you will listen to what we have to say and try not to judge. Lu Han and I have been together for nearly three years now. I understand that this kind of relationship may be hard for many people to accept, but it is serious and it is real."

He flounders slightly, and Lu Han gives his hand a squeeze. "I apologize for keeping this relationship a secret, but I hope our fans and the general public can understand why we did that. I'm sorry too for the way our relationship was initially revealed. We never would have chosen to do that, and we were as shocked as anyone by that invasion of our privacy. I also apologize for hiding my part in this since then and leaving Lu Han to face it alone for so long. I will try to be honest from now on, but please also respect our privacy.

"To my fans and also Lu Han's, I understand if you are hurt or angry, and for that, I'm sorry. To EXO's fans, I beg you to please understand that this is about me and Lu Han only. Please don't take what you're feeling out on the other members, who had no part in this. And to everyone listening..." He's supposed to grovel more, but it's hard. He's standing here still holding Lu Han's hand; he can't very well say he's sorry for their entire relationship. "I apologize for this whole situation. I understand if you can never support us, but I hope you can find it in yourselves to leave us in peace."

He doesn't know if it's enough, but he doesn't know if anything would be enough to convince most people that two men dating is not an irredeemably horrible thing. All he can hope is that they showed people who they really are. If even a few people feel sympathy for them after hearing them speak, well, that's the best they can hope for.

Lu Han doesn't let go of Minseok's hand as they walk offstage (there will be no questions today) and back to the room they waited in, only abruptly letting go once they're in the room, as though he's suddenly realized what he's doing. "Sorry," he says meekly. "I probably should've asked you first. I wasn't really planning on doing that."

"It's okay." Minseok wouldn't have planned it either, and he doesn't know how it looked to other people, but he can't say he minded. "What did you say when you did it?"

Lu Han looks confused for a second before he remembers that he was speaking a language Minseok poorly understands. "Oh, right. Um...I said I was sorry for the way things came out, but that I won't apologize for our relationship, and I hope people will try to understand that." He grimaces. "I probably should've asked you about that too."

Minseok shakes his head. "I agree." It was perhaps a stupid thing to say, but a brave one too. Whatever happens as a result, he's glad they could be honest. There's no point in pretending that they've seen the error of their ways and decided to break up when that's not happening.

"Good," Lu Han says.

Their respective managers descend on them before they can say anything more. It sounds like Lu Han gets a lecture, but to be fair, Chinese often sounds angry to Minseok even when it's not. As for EXO's manager, he says, "You were very honest. I don't know if that's good or bad, but at least your were yourselves. We'll just have to see how people take it." 

Minseok nods in agreement. He looks over at Lu Han, who's talking about something Minseok can't even pretend to understand. "We've got about six hours until we need to leave for the airport..." his manager says. (They weren't able to find a return flight until the evening, given the short notice.)

It's clear what he's hinting at, and Minseok is grateful for it. It's been too long since he last saw Lu Han, and it may well be a while before they're able to meet again. It would be a waste not to take advantage of this opportunity, rushed as it is. "I'll ask." Minseok goes over to Lu Han, who stops talking abruptly. "Are you busy after this?" Minseok asks.

"No." A hopeful smile starts to form on Lu Han's face. "Are you?"

"I've got six hours," Minseok says.

A quick conversation in Chinese follows, and Lu Han says "yes" a bunch of times (at least Minseok can understand that much) before he tells Minseok, "Okay. Can you come over to my place?"

Minseok looks to his manager, who nods. "I'll pick you up at five-thirty."

"Let's go, then," Minseok says.

 

The drive to Lu Han's apartment takes longer than Minseok would like thanks to an effort to throw off some cars tailing them, but by the time they finally make it, they still have about five hours to spend together. The first thing Lu Han does once they're inside is give Minseok another hug, lingering even longer than before. "We survived," he mumbles into Minseok's shoulder.

"We did." Minseok laughs, muffled against Lu Han's shirt. "I can't believe we went from sneaking around so carefully to you holding my hand in front of all those cameras."

"And soon I'll be holding your hand on national television," Lu Han says. "International television." He laughs a little too, but then he asks, "You really don't mind?"

"No," Minseok says honestly. "I don't want to apologize either." He pulls back just enough to look at Lu Han. "I love you."

"I love you," Lu Han echoes immediately. "Anyone who's mad about that can fuck off."

"That's the spirit."

They go right to Lu Han's bed but don't start anything yet, sitting up against the pillows. "I don't know if I want to talk about it or just ignore everything for a while," Lu Han says after a moment.

"Me neither," Minseok says. "But we have to wait a little to see what happens anyway, so we might as well ignore it while we can."

"That's true." Lu Han puts an arm around Minseok, and Minseok turns into him so he can still look at Lu Han. "What should we talk about, then?"

Minseok talks about work at first, and then they fall into reminiscing about their time together in EXO, and about when they first got together, how clumsily and awkwardly they stumbled into their relationship. They haven't talked about that in a while, and it makes Minseok smile. Little did he know when he first found himself liking Lu Han without really understanding it where it would lead them—not to this stupid scandal, but to loving each other enough to survive Lu Han leaving EXO and months on end of separation and even being outed. He'd rather not have to deal with all of that, but perhaps their relationship is that much stronger for it.

They move closer little by little as they talk, and slide down onto the bed from their sitting position. Minseok curls against Lu Han's side, and then his leg drapes over Lu Han's, and then eventually he moves further over so he's lying half on top of Lu Han. They keep talking in fits and starts that whole time, but then the conversation finally dies. For a few seconds, they just look at each other, and then Lu Han lifts his head and kisses Minseok. (It's impressive, really, that it took him this long.)

With everything that's been going on, plus Lu Han's lack of work, they've been talking on the phone a lot, much more than usual, but phone conversations are no substitute for this. Lu Han's body is warm and solid under Minseok (he's looking forward to seeing those new muscles Lu Han keeps showing off up close), his lips soft and yielding, his breath hot as their mouths open against each other. They start off slow, as though they have all the time in the world. They don't, obviously, but they do have enough time to not hurry.

Lu Han turns onto his side, tangling his legs with Minseok's. They kiss deeply like they're trying to map out each other's mouths, like they didn't learn each other's bodies years ago, when they were together all the time. Their bodies have changed, gaining and losing weight, building muscle in different places, but Lu Han's mouth is the same, his lips and his tongue and the way he fits just right with Minseok.

The next time they shift, it's in the other direction, Minseok on his back and Lu Han leaning over him. "What would people say if I gave you some hickeys to show off at the airport?" he murmurs, lips fluttering on the sensitive skin under Minseok's chin. "One here." He kisses on the left side of Minseok's neck. "And one here." Another kiss just above Minseok's collarbone on the right.

"Don't even think about it," Minseok says, but the rebuke would hold more weight if he didn't say it in the same low murmur. He knows Lu Han would never do it, so there's no reason to work harder. The fantasy makes him smile, though, having the echoes of Lu Han's mouth on his skin long after they're apart, and not caring who saw it.

Instead, Lu Han drops a few more kisses on Minseok's neck before returning to his mouth. Minseok loses track of how long they continue kissing before Lu Han asks, "What do you want to do?"

"No blowjobs." 

It's probably too soon for that joke, but Lu Han laughs just a little. "Noted. I can work with that." He moves off just enough that he can slide a hand under Minseok's shirt, pushing it up. "Why haven't _you_ been sending me selfies?" he asks, pressing his lips to Minseok's stomach.

"Not all of us need to show off like you do," Minseok teases.

"Please show off," Lu Han responds immediately. "It's hot."

Minseok laughs, but it's restrained with Lu Han's mouth still on him. "I'll keep that in mind."

Once Lu Han has finished exploring his abs, he moves up to Minseok's chest. "This is nice too." He drags his tongue over Minseok's nipple, which has definitely not changed just because he's been working out lately. That doesn't stop Lu Han from paying it lots of attention, and the other one too. They've been taking it so slow that Minseok's not that turned on yet, but this starts to wake his body up. He ruffles his hand through Lu Han's hair and nudges him up for a hungrier kiss, a sign that it's time to move on.

They sit up and take off their shirts, and Minseok obligingly stops to admire Lu Han. He makes a show of it, indulging Lu Han, but he does like what he sees. Lu Han's upper body has been quite lean for as long as Minseok's known him, but he's managed to build up some good muscle. "Not bad," Minseok comments. 

"I'm glad you agree," Lu Han replies airily, and they both laugh.

Payback is only fair, so as they start kissing again, Minseok brings his hands up to Lu Han's chest, toying with his nipples until he gasps and then lets out a little whine, like he's not sure if he likes it or not. Minseok's slides his hands back down, slowly enough to appreciate the hard muscle under them, until he hits the top of Lu Han's jeans. He pops the button, fumbling a little, and drags the zipper down slowly.

"Minseok." The word comes out somewhere between a whine and a moan.

"What?" Minseok kisses the side of Lu Han's mouth while he's distracted.

"I don't know." Minseok pulls back a little and sees a wry smile on Lu Han's face. "I always want too many things."

"Pick one."

"I want you," Lu Han responds, surprisingly quickly considering that he said he didn't know a second ago. "We had to hurry last time."

"Okay then." Minseok's phone is still in his pocket, and he pulls it out and looks at the time. It'll pass too quickly, but they have more than enough time to not rush. He sets his phone aside and moves away from Lu Han to take off his pants. Lu Han sits there and watches him, making no move to do the same. "Like the view?"

"Very much." Once Minseok's naked, Lu Han pulls him in for another kiss, hands cupping Minseok's ass. Minseok brings his hands back to where they were before, rubbing Lu Han over his underwear until he breaks the kiss to gasp. "Okay, I can take a hint." He tugs his pants down, and Minseok moves away so he can wriggle out of them.

They come together again, and Minseok moves right up against Lu Han, rocking into his cock. He puts his mouth on Lu Han's neck, leaving Lu Han free to make some noise. "I'm not—" He laughs breathlessly. "I'm not going to be able to go slow if you do that too much."

"You should work on your self-control," Minseok tosses back, but he only repeats the motion once more before pulling away. "Lube?"

Lu Han lies back so he can reach into the drawer by his bed, but he can't seem to find what he's looking for. Finally, with an impatient grunt, he sits up and moves closer, digging around the drawer until he finally mutters, "In the very back corner, of course."

"As long as it's there." Minseok stays kneeling on the bed as Lu Han comes back over to him. "Any preferences?"

"I like it like this." Lu Han wraps his arm around Minseok's back to pull him in close. 

Minseok goes up on his knees, draping his arms over Lu Han's shoulders. "You do, huh?" he murmurs. He likes it too, though it used to make him self-conscious, being pressed up against Lu Han and moaning right in his ear as Lu Han fingers him. Now, he figures there's nothing he has to worry about showing Lu Han.

Lu Han slicks up his fingers behind Minseok's back, then wraps an arm around him again as his hand moves between Minseok's legs, lightly circling his rim. "You don't have to go _that_ slow," Minseok mutters after he does it for the fifth or sixth time.

Lu Han laughs. "Okay, okay." He slides his finger in slowly, and Minseok breathes with it, willing his body to relax. He does, gradually, as Lu Han's finger goes deeper, shifts in and out a few times and then wriggles around. It's nice once Lu Han gets moving more freely, curling his finger inside of Minseok, pulling back to push at the sensitive rim and then going in deep again. It feels good, but in that way where it's just starting to make Minseok's body buzz, his cock slowly hardening between his legs.

Lu Han isn't always patient, but today, it seems like he could do this forever, continuing with one finger for a long time. Minseok moans when he adds a second one, caught off guard by how turned on he's gotten from so little. Lu Han gives a smug little laugh, and Minseok feels too good to mind. With two fingers, Lu Han stretches him more and puts more pressure on his prostate, each jab sending sparks back up Minseok's spine and forward right to his cock. Lu Han reaches in deep and strokes his way back out, scissoring his fingers around, Minseok's body like putty in his hands.

A third finger draws a little whimper from Minseok that he would be embarrassed about under other circumstances. "Kiss me, Minseok," Lu Han says, sounding pretty turned on himself. Minseok does almost the second the words are out of Lu Han's mouth, breathless and eager. The kiss is a lot messier now, Minseok fisting his hands in Lu Han's hair as he drinks him down. There's been so much kissing today, but he hasn't had enough, and he's not sure he ever could, at least not for long.

He slumps down to sit on Lu Han's thighs, and when he rocks forward, their cocks rub against each other. Lu Han moans right into Minseok's mouth at the contact, barely even pausing in kissing him. He wraps his arm more securely around Minseok as his fingers pound into him, a steady movement now that Minseok's body has opened up for him. "Fuck," Minseok groans when Lu Han's fingers catch him just right.

"Minseok," Lu Han says, just as Minseok as about to start kissing him again. "You want...how about four fingers?"

Minseok might regret it in a few hours when he's sitting on a plane, but right now, he just wants _more_. "Yeah," he breathes. "Okay."

Lu Han's fingers aren't small, and the first press of four of them hurts enough that Minseok muffles a whine into Lu Han's shoulder. It passes quickly, though, and then it feels good. He doesn't go as deep now, but he stretches Minseok out so nicely. Minseok can't think about kissing now, just moans against Lu Han's skin. He's leaning forward and he could almost come just like this, rubbing off with Lu Han's fingers inside of him, but that would ruin the fun. He holds on to just enough restraint to not come just yet, even as gives himself over to the pleasure of Lu Han's fingers inside of him.

Finally, just when Minseok's not sure how much more he can take, Lu Han goes still with his fingers still buried deep. Minseok moans, not sure himself if it feels good or bad. "I love it when you get like this," Lu Han murmurs, pressing a kiss to Minseok's temple. Then he pulls his hand away, and for a few seconds, they both just sit together and breathe. "You ready?" Lu Han asks after a moment.

"Been ready." Minseok's voice comes out hoarse, and he clears his throat.

Lu Han seems reluctant to let him go, though he must be eager for more than the little he's gotten so far, so Minseok pulls out of his hold. He gets up on his hands and knees and waits until Lu Han moves behind him. Lu Han's hands find his hips, and Minseok rocks back into him, earning a gasp from Lu Han. "Okay," Lu Han says, voice suddenly strained. "Yeah."

"Go ahead," Minseok tells him. Lu Han doesn't wait a second longer, pushing into Minseok. Minseok's already well stretched, but Lu Han's cock goes deeper than his fingers, filling him up all the way and rubbing against his walls with every stroke once he starts to move. Lu Han is still taking it slow, pushing in deep and pulling out so slowly that it makes Minseok tremble and ache to be filled again. Then Lu Han thrusts back in again, and Minseok's legs shake beneath him.

"It's perfect," Lu Han breathes. "Just what I wanted." He doesn't talk anymore after that, just moves in and out, in and out, slowly picking up speed. He gives Minseok's cock the occasional stroke, but Minseok knows he must be feeling it when Lu Han starts to touch him more steadily, in time with his faster thrusts. Minseok's getting close, everything pulled tight in anticipation just that little more it'll take to have him come.

It's not quite enough until Lu Han bends forward and suddenly the angle is just right, taking only a few more thrusts before Minseok is overwhelmed, the waves of pleasure brought on by that long build up leaving him slumping forward onto the bed. Lu Han keeps moving, dragging out the sensation just a little longer. He doesn't come until a little after Minseok's finished, leaning forward until he moans by Minseok's ear as he comes inside of him. "Fuck, that was good," he mumbles. When Minseok doesn't say anything after a moment, he adds, "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Lu Han pulls out and waits while Minseok rolls over onto his back, brushing back his sweaty hair. "Too much?" he asks.

Minseok shakes his head. "Just right." He likes the way Lu Han smiles at that.

It was good, but perhaps it was a tiny bit too much, because Minseok falls asleep without meaning to. When he wakes up, Lu Han is standing by the bed doing some stretches, or maybe just fidgeting. "Did I sleep for long?" Minseok asks.

"Maybe twenty minutes."

"You should've woken me up," Minseok says.

"I figured you were tired. You got up early this morning."

"I can sleep later. We shouldn't waste this time." Minseok regrets the words when Lu Han's face falls. "Hey, never mind. There's still time." He sits up, motioning for Lu Han to join him on the bed. Lu Han does, but his expression stays serious. Minseok gives him a kiss, but even that doesn't fix it. "What's wrong?"

"It's just..." Lu Han bites his lip. "This feels too much like goodbye."

"Of course it isn't," Minseok retorts immediately, reflexively. "I mean, for now. Maybe for a while. But not forever. Don't tell me you want to break up right after we came out to everyone."

"No way!" Lu Han smiles sheepishly at his own vehemence. "Sorry. I'm not trying to be dramatic. It's just been an intense couple of months, you know?"

"I know." Minseok pulls Lu Han into a hug. "It's still going to suck for a while, but we'll get through it. We're both too stubborn not to."

That gets a weak laugh from Lu Han. "We sure are."

Minseok takes a shower, and Lu Han joins him even though he appears to have already gotten cleaned up while Minseok was sleeping. They spend the rest of the time sitting together, steadfastly ignoring the outside world. In the back of his mind, Minseok is wondering how many people have seen their press conference or read about it, and how they're reacting, but there'll be time enough for them to face that. It doesn't need to intrude on their limited time together.

Five hours sounded like a long time, but all too soon, it's time to say yet another indefinite goodbye. "Let's not make a fuss, okay?" Minseok says. They've already had enough emotional scenes for one day.

"Never." Lu Han tries to put on a poker face, which immediately dissolves into a grimace and then a small smile.

Minseok steps close and Lu Han immediately envelops him in a hug. "Remember what you said earlier," Minseok tells him. "Anyone who's mad about our relationship can fuck off. Don't let them get to you."

"I won't," Lu Han says with something approaching conviction. Minseok can believe it, though; they're both, albeit quietly, too stubborn to bow to other people's opinions any more than they absolutely have to. Lu Han pulls back a little and gives Minseok a brief kiss. "Text me when you get home. I hope they won't bother you too much at the airport."

"I'll manage," Minseok says lightly, though admittedly, he is worried. Airport crowds are never fun, and that's when they like him. But there's no use getting stressed about that in advance. He distracts himself with another kiss, a little longer this time, and then pulls away from Lu Han. "I'll see you soon."

Lu Han's smile wavers a bit, but then it settles firmly on his face. "See you soon."

~

Minseok has to sneak out the side door of Lu Han's apartment building and make a mad dash for the car, but after that, he's thankfully left alone. He's become worth following by association, of course, but people in China are generally more interested in stalking Lu Han. The woman who checks Minseok's passport does a double-take but doesn't comment, and no one else at the airport seems to notice him. He's more worried when they land in Korea, but to his great surprise, the manager informs him that they're going to take the VIP exit. _That's how you know it's bad,_ Minseok thinks.

Everything is fine until they approach the EXO dorm. It's late by now, but not quite so late that he can count on there being no one outside. Minseok can't see anyone when the car pulls up, and he hopes he's in the clear. "You run in," the manager says. "I'll be there in a minute."

Warily, Minseok gets out of the car. He doesn't see anyone where the fans tend to hang out, but just when he tentatively starts to think he's in the clear, an unexpectedly loud male voice yells, "You should have stayed in China!"

Startled, Minseok turns and sees a man standing in front of the building, smoking. He doesn't look like a fan or a journalist, just a normal man, maybe in his forties. In fact, Minseok thinks he's seen him before; he's pretty sure the guy lives in the building. Their neighbors generally tolerate EXO, with varying degrees of irritation at the fuss their sasaengs cause. None of them have ever yelled at him or the other members, not like this. He bobs his head apologetically, hurrying toward the door.

"We don't want your kind here!" the man calls after him. "I hope those crazy girls destroy you!"

That's all he manages to say before Minseok gets inside, but the experience leaves him shaken. He's been bracing himself for anger from fans and anti-fans, and from netizens who devote their lives to picking apart celebrity gossip. He hasn't really prepared himself to be hated by his own neighbors, by people who don't care at all about idols but do care about people being gay. He should've realized it was coming, but even then, he wouldn't have expected it to happen like this.

He makes it to EXO's dorm without further incident, but he only feels more uncomfortable now that it's had some time to sink in. How many people are there like that man, angry with him now simply for existing as he is and daring to be in love with Lu Han? 

Junmyeon opens the door, takes one look at Minseok, and asks, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Minseok pushes past him into the apartment, firmly ordering himself to calm down. He doesn't need to worry the other members. He'll cause them enough trouble tomorrow, as they'll no doubt get yelled at on the way to work (whether he's allowed to come or not).

"Are you sure?" Junmyeon presses.

Jongdae and Baekhyun and Jongin are all coming their way, and the last thing Minseok wants to do now is make a fuss. "Yeah." He goes to the kitchen to get some water and also run away, and Junmyeon doesn't stop him. He'd push with some of the members, but not with Minseok.

Jongdae, however, has no such qualms, following Minseok into the kitchen. "We watched your press con," he says cheerfully. "Those were good speeches. I'm guessing the handholding was an ad lib?"

"Yeah." Minseok pulls a wry face. "Lu Han."

Jongdae's smile doesn't waver as he looks steadily at Minseok, probably seeing right through his attempt to act like everything is fine. "Was your trip back okay?"

Against his better judgment, Minseok blurts out, "There was a guy. Outside. I think he lives here."

"What happened?" Jongdae asks, more gentle now.

"He yelled at me on my way in. I just..." He shakes his head. "I wasn't expecting it. Not like that."

"He's an asshole," Jongdae says decisively.

"He won't be the only one," Minseok says.

"They're all assholes," Jongdae counters. He smiles, a little sadly. "It's not that simple, of course, but it's no one else's business. You're not hurting anyone, so they can deal. It's not like he's going to catch gay from you."

"You never know." Minseok wiggles his fingers at Jongdae, who laughs. Minseok smiles too, feeling better already.

Their manager comes in then, and looks around until he locates Minseok. When he comes over, Jongdae nods a greeting and then makes himself scarce. "I wanted to make sure we're clear. Assume that you'll be participating in everything EXO does tomorrow, and continuing to participate until we say otherwise. We'll play it by ear, keeping an eye on the response, but we're hoping that if we just continue as normal, people will eventually move on as they did with previous scandals."

"All right."

"It's going to be rough for a while, but I expect you to work hard and stay cheerful and pretend for all you're worth that nothing has changed. I can count on you for that, right?"

"Of course." EXO can always count on Minseok to work hard and stay positive; he's not going to let that change now.

"Good." The manager pats him on the back. "Get some rest, then. You've had a long day."

~

Minseok wakes up in the morning feeling like it's any other day, like he didn't go to China yesterday and expose his biggest secret to anyone who's listening. It feels like it was a dream, standing with Lu Han with all those cameras flashing at them, holding Lu Han's hand and begging people to understand. He rolls out of bed and takes his phone to the kitchen to have some coffee and enjoy the quiet before the other members get up.

He's been ignoring his phone since the press conference, except to talk to the manager while he was with Lu Han, and to text Lu Han briefly last night. Now, somewhat nervously, he takes a look at his notifications. There's a voicemail from his parents and another from his grandma, and the rest are texts from family and friends. He skims through, not prepared to reply just yet. They all look reasonably supportive, aside from the occasional "Why didn't you tell me?!" and some "I'm praying for you" comments that he's not sure how to interpret. That's a good sign, but then again, the people who can't support him might have chosen not to write. 

There are some conspicuous absences, but it's too soon to say if those are people who have a problem with his relationship or if they just haven't gotten around to it or don't know what to say. It's possible, even, that some of them haven't seen the news yet. Minseok doesn't know how much the TV and print news have picked up the story, and he does know some people who live under rocks when it comes to celebrity news. Normally, he appreciates that about them, but right now, it makes him nervous to think about them finding out further down the line. He just wants to know now where he stands with everyone, for better or worse.

He spends a good five minutes wavering about venturing onto the greater internet to see how people are responding. He's held back from doing that until now, but they also haven't been talking about him until now, only Lu Han. Is it better to know or to be left wondering? Finally, against his better judgment, he opens Naver. Despite bracing himself, he's not prepared to see his name right there at the top of the page, above Korean politics and world news and everything else. 

They have a picture (one of many, he's sure) of him and Lu Han holding hands. He clicks the picture and studies it, seeing for the first time what he looked like at the press conference. Lu Han is turned away slightly, but Minseok is looking right at the camera. He looks nervous, in a way he hasn't been in front of the camera since the early days of EXO, and tense. He looks a little pathetic, honestly, and he wonders what people thought of that. Did it make him more sympathetic, or did they judge him? Did they think him less of a man for his weakness and think, "Of course someone like that would be gay?"

When he clicks on the full article, he sees a few more pictures. He's talking in one, and he looks, if not exactly less frightened, then at least more resolute. That makes him feel a little better, but then he looks at the text and his heart sinks again. "First gay idol couple," he sees, and "Can their careers possibly survive?" "How will SM respond? Will they cut their losses?"

Minseok closes the window, deciding that there's nothing to be gained by him looking at this article, or anything else. If people hate him, then they hate him. He won't change any minds by reading what they have to say, and he will make himself miserable. Instead, he texts Lu Han _Good morning_ and a heart and goes back to quietly drinking his coffee. The members trickle out one or two at a time, as usual, and greet him sleepily. It feels like any normal morning, and Minseok is happy about that. Normalcy is exactly what he needs right now. 

The good news is that EXO isn't promoting anything at the moment, so there are no music show appearances or, worse, talk shows scheduled in the near future. The bad news is that they have concerts coming up this weekend, so Minseok will have to be up close and personal with the fans far sooner than he's ready for. There's a chance it might be good, but it could also be very bad. Right now, Minseok's just hoping that any fans who are angry will, as he asked, only take it out on him and not treat the other members badly. He thinks he'll be able to handle cruelty from the fans better than the guilt he'll feel if they hurt the other members for something he did.

For now, it's off to the SM building for practice, which means facing the usual crowd of fans there. Minseok remembers unpleasantly the way they behaved during Baekhyun's dating scandal, and even after Yifan and Lu Han left when the members they were actually mad at (in most cases) weren't there. It was uncomfortable enough then, and it'll be a lot worse now that it's him they're upset with.

He's sitting in the back of the van, so once they arrive, he waits while the other members pile out. When it's his turn, he braces himself for whatever's coming and gets out of the car. There's always noise when they arrive, so it doesn't mean anything that he initially hears a lot of screaming. It takes a few seconds for some of the yells to resolve into words in Minseok's mind, and then he wishes they hadn't. "Go away!" the girls (mostly) are yelling, and "Disgusting!" and other even less nice things. They're not close enough to touch him, and words can't really hurt him, but they sure feel unpleasant anyway. 

Sehun falls back to walk next to him, and Yixing on his other side a moment later. "Don't listen to them, hyung," Sehun says, his voice just barely loud enough for Minseok to make out his words over the yelling.

Minseok can't tune the insults out, and the other members can't protect him from that, but walking between his friends, he does feel a little better. He can't say it doesn't matter what the fans think when his career depends on it, but in the end, what his friends and family think matters the most. As long as they're on his side, he can cope with whatever happens.

The quiet when Minseok enters the building is jarring after the noise outside. Yixing and Sehun move away from him (though not before Yixing, in typical Yixing fashion, gives him what is probably meant to be a comforting pat on the butt). 

They work for hours, effectively distracting Minseok from everything else, and break before dinner for a change. Some of the members decide to go out, but Minseok doesn't have to think before choosing to go home. The last thing he wants to do right now is go out in public, where anyone could see and bother him. Besides, it's been a tiring day. He really just wants to go home and relax. 

He orders delivery along with the other members who came home, and while they wait for it to arrive, he goes into his room to call Lu Han. Lu Han, probably bored at home, has texted him a lot today, and he's been too busy and distracted to reply much, so he's not surprised when Lu Han answers the phone with, "So you finally decided you want to talk to me?"

"It's been a busy day," Minseok says.

"I was just kidding," Lu Han says hastily. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Minseok makes an effort to sound more cheerful. There's no reason to worry Lu Han just because he's a little worn out.

"You sure?" Lu Han presses, unconvinced.

"Just tired," Minseok assures him. "We have cons this weekend, so they've got us practicing hard."

"Like you haven't done it all a hundred times before," Lu Han mutters. Without giving Minseok time to respond, he asks, "Things were okay? With the fans and everything."

"There was a lot of yelling," Minseok says. "There's always a lot of yelling."

"Stop dodging, Minseok," Lu Han chides gently.

Minseok sighs. He's not trying to hide things from Lu Han, but there doesn't seem to be much point in rehashing the day's struggles. It won't make him feel better, and it's not like Lu Han hasn't dealt with a lot of the same. "It's about what you'd expect. Cursing and insults and stuff. It's not fun, but I can handle it."

Thankfully, Lu Han doesn't push for details. "Have you read anything online?" he asks instead.

"I looked a little this morning, and then I decided it wasn't worth it. I did see a few pictures. They liked your hand holding."

Lu Han laughs a little. "Chinese news too. I didn't mean to provide a prime photo op, but it's not a bad image to present of us, don't you think?"

"No, it's not," Minseok agrees. "Have you been reading?"

"Yeah. More than I should."

"What have people been saying?" Minseok isn't sure he wants to know, but he doubts Lu Han will tell him anything too bad. 

"Some people are mad that we kept our relationship a secret for so long. Some people are mad that we told the truth and shoved our relationship in their faces. Some people still can't get over me being into men. Some people are mad because you're Korean. Some people are mad because you're from EXO and I'm supposed to hate you or you're supposed to hate me. Some people are saying it would be fine if it was a one-off thing, but they're bothered by me being in an actual relationship with a guy..."

"I bet some of those are the same people who said they'd support you in a relationship but not sleeping around," Minseok says.

"Probably," Lu Han says dryly. "But it's not all bad, you know. Some people are calling us brave or cute, or saying that it's time we start accepting that men can fall in love with men and women with women. I also came across a few shippers acting like this is the most amazing thing that's ever happened in their lives."

Minseok laughs. "And all the others who are pissed off that I'm not Sehun?"

Lu Han laughs too. "You have no idea. Though some of them are already coming up with theories about how this is a cover-up." It feels good to laugh with Lu Han about this, to remember that people say all kinds of things on the internet and most of it doesn't matter. If people stay mad, it'll be a problem, but there's no use in getting upset about the over-the-top initial reaction.

A knock on the door interrupts Minseok's thoughts. "Dinner's here!" Baekhyun yells through the door.

"What was that?" Lu Han asks.

"Dinner time," Minseok tells him. "Talk to you later."

"Okay. Say hi to everyone for me."

Baekhyun, Yixing and Kyungsoo are already opening up the food. (Jongin came home with them too, but either he went out while Minseok was on the phone or he's taking a nap.) Kyungsoo, who's been working extra hard with his acting projects, looks half asleep and doesn't say much, but the rest of them chat as they eat, just an ordinary, everyday conversation. That's exactly what Minseok needs right now, to have some good food and company and not think about everything else.

Once they finish eating, Kyungsoo and Yixing go to their rooms, but Baekhyun says, "Oh, I wanted to show you something, hyung." He pulls out his phone, messes with it for a moment and then hands it to Minseok. There's a webpage open, some forum post.

"What is it?" Minseok asks.

"Just read."

Baekhyun's broad smile tells Minseok it must be something good, but he still feels a little wary as he starts to read. _I'm a first year high school student,_ the post says, _and I think I'm gay. I haven't told anyone and I haven't done anything, but I'm really scared that people might find out. I've wished so much that I could change. I just want to fall in love, but how can I do that if I can't make myself love girls? It makes me feel like I'll never be happy._

_I don't like EXO, but all the girls in my class were talking about the news and I watched the video. I was scared just watching, so I don't know how they did it. When I saw the part where Luhan-ssi said he won't apologize for their relationship and held Xiumin-ssi's hand...it was amazing! If two idols can fall in love with so many people watching them and be together no matter what people say, maybe I can do that someday too. And you know, if such cool idols can be gay, maybe it's not such a bad thing to be._

_Thank you, Luhan-hyung, for giving me hope, and Xiumin-hyung too. I hope I can be as brave as you someday. I'm cheering for you!!_

Minseok looks up, smiling, and Baekhyun says, "Wait, scroll down." When he does, he finds various supportive replies (and a few assholes), and after maybe five posts, _I'm a girl, and I'm thirteen years old. I already know I don't like boys. When I told my mom, she said you can't talk about things like that and I shouldn't ever tell anyone. I love Xiumin-oppa and if he doesn't think it's wrong, I won't believe it either._

There are other similar posts from both fans and non-fans, teenagers saying that they know they're gay or they even have boyfriends or girlfriends, and that seeing Lu Han and Minseok be open about their relationship gave them strength and hope for the future. It shouldn't be surprising, really, but when Minseok was standing up there with Lu Han, he just wanted to say the right thing to make people accept their relationship, if such a thing existed. He didn't think of what it would mean to people who are or want to be in similar relationships

When Minseok looks up again, Baekhyun grins at him. "I know it sucks when fans turn on you, and it might feel like everyone hates you, but they don't. Just seeing you makes a big difference to some kids who really need it, and who knows, maybe by coming out, you'll make the world a better place for them when they grow up." He laughs so it's not too serious, in typical Baekhyun fashion.

"Thank you," Minseok says, handing the phone back, but Baekhyun waves off his thanks.

"You were nice to me when I was dealing with this kind of shit...which doesn't look so bad in comparison. The least I can do is cheer you up sometimes. You know where to find me if you need it, right?"

Minseok smiles gratefully. "Yes, I know where you live."

Later, Minseok texts the link to Lu Han, saying, _Make sure you scroll down._

Instead of texting back, Lu Han calls him two minutes later. "Do you think it's real?" he asks.

"Maybe not all the posts, but some of them must be. Right?"

"Yeah." When Lu Han continues, there's a lot of emotion in his voice. "I've been frustrated. Wishing we could just go back to the way things were before we got caught. I still kind of wish we could, but...it's nice to think that something good has come out of this mess. And you know, maybe we'll make things easier for the next idol to come out, or even the next regular kid." Then, in a lighter tone, he adds, "Do you think they'd mind that we're not technically gay?"

Minseok laughs. It's true that he and Lu Han both dated women in the past, but that hardly seems important now. "I don't think anyone cares about bisexual versus gay as long as we're together."

"Then it's not going to matter anytime soon." There's no doubt in his voice, and that makes Minseok smile. He doesn't know if that kid was right to say that he and Lu Han are brave, but they're definitely stubborn. Whatever happens, they're not going to let anyone ruin this relationship for them.


	3. Chapter 3

The weekend approaches too quickly for Minseok's taste, but he supposes the upcoming concerts won't become any less intimidating with a little more time. Better to just get it over with; either it'll go well and cheer him up, or it won't, and at least he'll be done with it until the next round (three weeks from now). 

But as much as he tells himself that, he can't stop his heartbeat from picking up as he gets ready to head to the airport too early in the morning. The other members are all half asleep at this time of the morning and oblivious to his anxiety, but that's just as well. He doesn't want them worrying over him, both because he doesn't want to bother anyone and because it'll make it harder for him to pretend that everything is fine.

They make it to the car without any trouble, but though it's still quite early, the fans are waiting for them at Incheon. Minseok gets a guard on either side, but that doesn't stop the fans from shoving under the best of circumstances, so it's not like it will now. At least the guards should stop anyone from hurting him. (Would they want to? That seems like a big overreaction to Minseok, but you never know with the worst of the fans, or the antis.)

Airport chaos has become very familiar to Minseok over the years, but familiarity hasn't made it any less unpleasant. He still hates the noise and the pushing and the cameras in his face, the gauntlet that seems endless when you're in the middle of it. It's no better today, but at first, it doesn't seem any worse than usual either. Then the yelling starts, all the same things he heard the last few days, and even "Traitor!" (Because he's dating Lu Han? He'd roll his eyes at that if it wasn't scary to have it yelled in his face. Thinking he—or Lu Han—is a traitor may seem ridiculous to Minseok, but they people saying it take it very seriously.)

He tries not to hear the words, but it's hard to ignore them. His future hangs on whether EXO's fans are still willing to accept him, so it does matter what they think. Right now, it sounds like they really don't think anything good about him, and a lot of different bad things. It doesn't make him feel optimistic for the concert ahead, or the more distant future.

"Fighting, Xiumin-oppa!" someone yells, her particularly loud voice breaking through the din.

A different voice echoes the words, and then, "We love you!"

Other people immediately clamor to express their negative feelings about Minseok in response, but he smiles nevertheless. At least some fans still love him, enough even to brave this hostile airport environment to tell him. Maybe there are others too, who think that way but are too shy or just too far away to tell him in person. It makes him smile, and reminds him that however bad things look right now, he shouldn't give up hope yet.

 

~

Minseok doesn't usually get nervous before concerts like he used to—a little bit, but it's more healthy anticipation than real nerves. This time, though, he's understandably worried. He's sure fans have managed to hear about and probably watch his press conference regardless, but he wonders if they made the news here, and what people had to say about it. He doesn't know much about Hong Kong; are people more or less open to same-sex relationships here than in Korea? He knows from Lu Han's experience that mainland China is not very accepting, but he doesn't know how similar the situation is in Hong Kong.

Regardless, there are bound to be fans from other places here too, including Korea, and he can't predict individual attitudes based on what the country is like. He'll just have to wait and see and find out once he's out there, and boy, is that a hard thing to do. He paces around backstage, barely listening to the other members' chatter.

"You'll wear yourself out before the concert even starts if you keep that up," Junmyeon says, putting a hand on Minseok's arm so he stops walking for the moment.

"I'll manage," Minseok says gruffly.

"Nervous?" Junmyeon asks. He doesn't make Minseok answer, continuing, "Just think of it like any other concert. You go out there and you sing and dance and smile. The fans who still like you will be happy, and it's not worth ruining your night or anyone else's for any haters."

"You're not worried?" Minseok asks. "That they'll black ocean us or something."

Junmyeon shrugs. "It's possible, but I don't think it's likely. If it happens, we'll deal with it then. But what I said still stands: I'm going to go out there and sing and dance and smile no matter what." And he could really keep a smile on his face no matter what, Minseok doesn't doubt. Junmyeon's tougher than he seems. (Well, unless the fans do something sweet; then he might cry.)

"I'll be fine once we're out there." Minseok isn't _entirely_ sure that's true, but he'll do his best to make it true. "It's just hard waiting."

"Come on." Junmyeon takes Minseok's arm and pulls him closer to the other members. "Let us distract you."

"Thanks." Minseok can't completely let go of his worries, but he does his best to focus on the members' usual silliness and not think about anything else until it's time to go on stage.

As he said, once he's out there, with the music blaring and the bright lights in his eyes, he's okay. The Minseok on stage—EXO's Xiumin—is different from ordinary, everyday Minseok. He's confident, even brash (though still a little shy when he talks), and more intense. On stage, Minseok focuses intently on his dancing and singing and attitude, and there's no room in his head to think about his problems. He's going to do his best to put on a good show, and whatever happens out there happens.

It does make it easier that he can't hear individual fans over the music, and it's hard to see them too with the stage lights pointed at him. They could be yelling all kinds of awful things or glaring daggers at him and he wouldn't know it. He can make out the overall screaming and the fan chants, and the sea of lights waving, but the individual details are lost on him. Overall, the fans seem happy, and if some of them are not, well, it's easy to ignore that for now.

Later, though, they spread out around the venue, getting up close to the fans. 

 

(Probably some unpleasant stuff happens here but I didn't get around to writing it. Then time passes and more unpleasant things happen in other contexts, though also some good things.)

~

Minseok will give SM management this: they give him a chance. They could have easily cut him loose as soon as the negative response started, or as soon he was in imminent danger of outing, or all the way back when they found out he was dating Lu Han. There would still be a scandal, one way or another, but at least they could pin it all on him, insist they didn't know what he was up to and of course they would never stand for their idols sleeping with people of the same sex, especially not traitorous Chinese ex-members of their groups. They could've done that and Minseok would have been powerless to fight it, but instead, they gave him a chance to make it work and prove that he could stay in EXO without bringing them down.

Unfortunately, it becomes clear after a while that it'll take a lot more than a few weeks or even months for people to move past Minseok committing the unforgivable crime of dating a man, if in fact they ever will. There are people EXO works with and people online who say positive things about Minseok, but they're outnumbered by the negatives, by the industry people who don't want him on their shows and the fans who don't want him near their pure and perfect oppas and the everyday people convinced he's going to corrupt their innocent children into being gay just by being himself.

Finally, three months after the press conference when there's a break in their concert schedule and it's time to start preparing in earnest for their next release, EXO's manager pulls Minseok out of an evening practice to talk to him. His studiously blank expression tells Minseok all he needs to know immediately, and he braces himself as they go into another practice room and close the door. 

"I've been talking to the higher ups about your situation," the manager says. "They think we've waited long enough for people to make up their minds about you, and it's time to admit that things aren't getting better."

"So I'm out?" Minseok is surprised at how even his voice is considering what a big thing this is to him. He's been trying to prepare himself for the possibility over the past few months, but he's still not ready; he doubts he'll ever be ready to be kicked out of EXO.

"We're not making that decision yet." Off Minseok's surprised look, the manager explains, "This seems like a good time for you to go to the army." He grimaces, probably thinking that through more carefully. "In some respects, anyway. That gives people two years to move on. When you get out, we'll see how things are and decide what to do from there."

It's nice, Minseok supposes, that they haven't decided to just kick him out on his ass and be done with it. On the other hand, he's heard enough stories about the army to know that it's not a good place to be a few months after a very public coming out. Besides, two years is a long time. Will there even be a place for him in EXO when he comes back? He was always going to be the first one to go to the army, but it was supposed to happen later on, once EXO had a few more years to thoroughly establish themselves so that they could afford to have members come and go.

"I know it's not ideal," the manager continues when Minseok doesn't say anything, "but there is no ideal solution." He hesitates briefly. "You do have the option of leaving, if you prefer. Then you can choose how you want to deal with this, and go to the army on your own terms when you're ready. I can't promise you that you'll be able to come back to EXO if you do things our way, but you'll still have a chance. It's up to you if if you're willing to go along with it or not."

"Do I have to decide right now?" Minseok asks.

"Soon. One way or another, EXO's next promotions will be without you, but we want to make the announcement as soon as possible so the furor can die down before the actual promotions start."

Minseok nods. He doesn't want to rush a decision, but he can understand that this is bigger than him. "Can I tell you tomorrow? I'd like to talk to the other members and think about it a little."

"Tomorrow's okay," the manager says. "You don't have to go back to practice now, but you can, if you want."

"All right." There's nothing more for them to discuss, and the manager turns to leave. "I'll stay here for a bit," Minseok tells him.

Left alone, he sits down on the floor to think about his situation. The idea of going to the army now makes him nervous, and he's not thrilled with the thought of spending two years in limbo, not knowing whether or not he'll have a job when he gets back. On the other hand, EXO—and before that SM training—has been his life for so many years. He can't just give that up without a fight. (He has been fighting, but it's not over yet unless he decides to give up.)

He reaches for his phone to text or maybe call Lu Han, only to remember that he took it out of his pocket when they started dancing. That means it's just him, alone with his thoughts. Minseok catches sight of himself in the mirror on the wall and makes a face. He looks the same as before, and he feels the same. He _is_ the same person he was before this mess happened, except that before, he had secrets. 

Now, anyone in the world who cares to look can find out his biggest secret, and based on that alone, so many people have changed their opinion of him. "Why does it matter?" he mutters. At least when it comes to the fans who deluded themselves into thinking they had a chance with him or Lu Han, he can understand what they're upset about, but why does anyone else care who he's dating? What's so terrible about two men falling in love that it can ruin his career, and maybe Lu Han's too? They haven't hurt anyone—unlike some idols who are still working—but somehow being with the wrong person is considered a far greater crime.

Minseok has had all these thoughts before, and he'll have them again, and there's no point to it. He has to believe that society will change, sooner or later, as it has in other countries, but it won't happen overnight, and maybe not even in his lifetime. He can't sit around waiting for that to happen. He just has to deal with the world and the country he lives in and do the best he can. With a sigh, he gets to his feet. Later, he'll talk to the other members and to Lu Han and decide what he wants to do. For now, he's going to go back to the other room and dance like this might not be his last practice ever.

Minseok manages to forestall any questions until they finish practice for the night and go home. It's time for showers and relaxing a bit or falling right into bed, depending on how tired they are, but before anyone can leave, Minseok says, "Can we talk?"

Nine worried faces immediately turn to him. Minseok hates worrying the other members, and that makes him think that maybe it's better for him to just unequivocally quit and let them move on without him. They'll be sad at first, probably, but maybe also relieved. Regardless, maybe it's better to make a clean break instead of leaving both them and Minseok hanging.

He explains quickly what the manager told him, not wasting time sugar-coating it: either he goes to the army and comes back in two years only if enough people have forgiven him, or he just goes and never comes back. "Either way, I'm leaving soon," he concludes. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," Junmyeon says. There are some nods of agreement, but also some members not meeting his eyes. Even knowing that it's largely out of Minseok's hands, they can't be happy to lose another member. And who knows, maybe some of them will be glad to see him go. They've generally been supportive, but this has been hard on all of them, not just Minseok.

"I have to decide by tomorrow what I want to do," Minseok continues, "but I also would like to know what you want me to do. I don't want to leave you hanging if you'd rather just get it over with, but I also don't want to give up if you don't want me to." It feels way too awkward to put it out there like that, so he hastily adds, "You don't have to say anything if you don't know what you prefer, or if you don't want to tell me. I won't be offended, whatever you say. But I will listen if you want to talk to me." It still feels awkward, so before anyone can respond, Minseok says, "Now go get ready for bed. You can come talk to me if you want to."

The group starts to disperse, but Junmyeon, Sehun, Yixing and Jongdae all hang around. Jongdae pulls Sehun to the side and gestures for Yixing to join them. "One at a time," he says.

That leaves Minseok with Junmyeon. "I'll understand if you say it's better for me to just go," Minseok tells him. "I appreciate that you've been supportive, but don't feel obligated."

Junmyeon smiles, but he can't keep it from looking sad. "All my hyungs are leaving me."

"Now suddenly I'm your hyung?" Minseok teases. 

He's glad when that makes Junmyeon's smile look more real, but then it goes right back to being sad. "I can't speak for the other members, but for myself, I would be happy to have you back someday. At the same time, I honestly doubt that two years will make that much of a difference. But then..." He shrugs. "You'll have to go to the army sooner or later. Might as well get it over with and leave the door open. Even if you can't come back, at least you'll have that out of the way before moving on to whatever comes next."

"That's a good point." It doesn't make Minseok feel better to hear what he thinks is the truth, that the odds of him returning to EXO are slim, but he does appreciate both Junmyeon's support and his honesty. "Thanks. And you know, you'll do fine as the oldest. Maybe then the members will finally listen to you."

Junmyeon laughs. "Maybe they will," he says. Then, "Do what you feel is right, but as far as I'm concerned, there's always a place for you in EXO." He gives Minseok a pat on the shoulder, then heads off to his room.

Jongdae pushes Sehun forward next, and he walks over slowly, like he's trying to put off the conversation. "What's up?" Minseok asks when Sehun reaches him but still doesn't speak.

"Hyung." Sehun stops after the one word because he's already choked up; so that's why he wasn't talking. Sehun has all the brattiness of a little brother sometimes, but he also loves Minseok like one, and he's a softie on the inside.

"Don't start crying on me." Minseok rubs Sehun's back comfortingly.

"I hate this," Sehun mutters, still choked up. "It's so stupid. You shouldn't have to go."

"But I'm going." Minseok agrees that he shoudn't have to, but it doesn't help to dwell on that. "Do you want me to come back?"

"Yes," Sehun answers immediately. "But will you be okay in the army now?"

"If I can handle SM, I can handle anything," Minseok says with more confidence than he feels. He wasn't bullied at SM, aside from some insults here and there from overcompetitive trainees. He can't be sure the same will be true in the army.

Sehun tries to say something but doesn't even get a word out this time, blinking back tears. He makes a vague hand gesture that Minseok interprets as "I'm embarrassed that I'm crying so just ignore it."

"Go to bed," Minseok tells him. "You said the important part." He pats Sehun on the back, part comforting and part pushing him away. Sehun nods and shuffles off.

Jongdae comes over next. "Hyung," he says in an imitation of Sehun, following it up with a melodramatic sniffle.

Minseok gives him a playful shove. "Be nice."

"I'm always nice," Jongdae says. "I just wanted to see you smile." He flashes Minseok his usual bright grin. "How are you doing?"

Minseok shrugs. "It's weird. I knew there was a good chance this was coming, but I guess I didn't really believe it until now." He runs a hand through his hair just to have something to do. "What am I going to do with myself if I'm not an idol anymore?"

"I know you'll find something," Jongdae says. "No doubt about it whatsoever. But I think you'll feel better moving on with your life if you know that you did everything you could to stay an idol. Unless you're ready to let go now, you shouldn't give up."

He's right, Minseok knows. Maybe for the rest of EXO, it's better if he does give up, but for himself, he doesn't want to have any regrets. "What about for you?" Minseok asks. "And for the other members? Will you feel better that way?"

"I'll feel better knowing you're not making your decision because you're worried about me," Jongdae says. "And I bet Junmyeon-hyung told you the same thing, and Sehun would have if he wasn't crying, and Yixing will in a minute. I can't promise all of the members agree, but I think most of us do. Besides, it won't make that much difference to us while you're away. Who knows what they'll think by the time you come back?"

"I guess you're right," Minseok concedes. "I just hate making things harder on everyone."

"I know," Jongdae says matter of factly, "but you're allowed to be selfish sometimes."

"Isn't that what got me into this mess?" Minseok asks.

"Are you sorry for Lu Han?" Jongdae counters. "For being with him, I mean."

"No," Minseok answers without even stopping to think about it. He doesn't need to.

"Then stop it. It's not selfish to want to be with the person you love when you're not hurting anyone by it. It's only the people reacting badly who are hurting anyone."

Minseok sighs and doesn't try to argue. It's hard not to feel guilty, but Jongdae's probably right about this too. He hasn't done anything wrong, not really. It's not his fault that people and circumstances out of his control have made this into a much bigger deal than it should be. That's where the responsibility really lies for making things hard on the other members, with all the people who can't accept Minseok and Lu Han's relationship and the still unknown photographer who forced them to reveal it in the first place

Yixing does indeed say more or less the same thing as Jongdae, and Minseok has a similar conversation with a freshly-showered Baekhyun a little later, only with more stupid jokes. He doesn't want to make assumptions about the remaining members (especially Kyungsoo, who may just not want to have an awkward conversation with him), but he has to wonder what they think. He waits, though he's getting tired and he still wants to talk to Lu Han, but in the end, only Chanyeol comes to him.

Chanyeol is also the only one out of all the members, maybe, who's brave enough to not just say the nice thing. "Look, hyung, it's nothing personal. You know I like you. I'm just tired of scandal, and this has dragged on a long time. I'll respect your decision, but if you ask me, it's time to move on."

Minseok doesn't quite know how to respond, though he does appreciate that Chanyeol is being honest with him. Before he can come up with the right thing to say, Chanyeol continues, "You don't have to pretend you don't mind me saying that. I just thought you deserved the truth. Have a good night, hyung."

Minseok retreats to his room after that, and pulls out his phone to find that he already has a missed call from Lu Han. Did Lu Han find out somehow, or did he just want to talk? Probably the second; Minseok doesn't think anyone would go behind his back to tell Lu Han first. The missed call was just a regular call, but Minseok starts a video call instead. He wants to see Lu Han's face tonight, both because it's easier to read him like that and because he's missed him.

It rings so many times Minseok thinks that maybe Lu Han's gone to bed, but then he answers, looking rumpled and sleepy. "Hey."

"Did I wake you up?" Minseok asks.

"I just dozed off for a second." Lu Han rubs his eyes and adjusts his position, holding the phone so his face fills Minseok's whole screen. "What's up?"

Now that he has Lu Han on the phone, Minseok doesn't want to tell him. He knows Lu Han will be upset on his behalf, and he's not prepared to deal with that, especially after those emotionally draining conversations with the other members. He lets the silence go on too long, and Lu Han asks, "Is something wrong?"

Minseok sighs. There's no point in putting it off. "SM is tired of waiting for things to get better," he says. "I'm being shipped off to the army, and I may or may not be allowed to rejoin EXO after."

Lu Han's eyes go wide at Minseok's words, but a sort of grim understanding settles on his expression soon after. Like Minseok, Lu Han probably expected that this was coming sooner or later. "I'm sorry. That sucks."

"I do have the choice to quit if I prefer," Minseok adds. "Then I can decide when I go to the army and what I do after. But I talked to the members and I think it's better for me to do what SM wants and not close any doors yet."

"Do you think you'll be able to come back?" Lu Han asks.

"I don't know," Minseok admits. "Junmyeon said he doesn't think so, but he still encouraged me to try. And Jongdae said I should too, even if there's not much chance, so I won't have any regrets. I think they're right, don't you? I wouldn't feel right just giving up."

Lu Han nods soberly. "But the army. Don't they have rules against being gay?"

"They have rules against 'homosexual behavior.'" Minseok hasn't thought that far ahead yet, but now he considers what that will mean. "So I won't be able to see you, even when I have leave."

Lu Han looks miserable at the mere thought of not seeing Minseok for that long. "Even if we don't do anything gay?" he asks.

Minseok shakes his head. "I can't risk it. I could go to jail." He already doesn't know what will happen if he goes into his military service unable to hide that he has (or at least recently had) a boyfriend. He won't be able to see Lu Han, and he'll even have to be very careful talking to him, in case someone overhears a conversation or looks at his phone.

"To jail?" Lu Han echoes, looking even more like a kicked puppy. "Minseok..."

"I have to go," Minseok says firmly. "If I want to have _any_ decent job in this country in the future, I need to do my military service."

Lu Han laughs bitterly. "Maybe it's time we both moved."

"Maybe someday," Minseok says, though it's hard for him to imagine living anywhere else, "but not yet. Like I said, I have to try to make this work until things turn out okay or I'm out of options."

Lu Han sighs heavily but doesn't argue. "So it's decided, then?"

"I guess so," Minseok says. Making a big decision is always scary, but he feels better for having made it.

"Can I at least see you before you go?" Lu Han asks. "Two years is a really long time, and it's already been, what, three months?"

"I'll work out the details tomorrow and let you know." It would be better if they don't see each other, in case the media gets wind of it and it just reminds everyone about them right before Minseok goes to the army, but he really wants to see Lu Han. He plays it cooler, but he also misses Lu Han a lot when they're apart.

"Okay." Lu Han yawns suddenly, and Minseok laughs.

"I'll let you go back to 'dozing.' We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight. I love you." Lu Han smiles sadly. "I have to say that a lot now in case I can't while you're in the army, huh? I love you."

Thinking about that makes Minseok sad and worried and a lot of other complicated emotions, but he does his best to smile at Lu Han anyway. "I love you. Goodnight."

~

Minseok calls their manager when he gets up to tell him his decision, and says his goodbyes to the other EXO members that morning. It’s rushed because they have an early meeting to get to, but Minseok doesn’t really mind. He doesn’t like drawn-out goodbyes, and he’s had more than enough emotional conversations lately. Better to just go without making a fuss. Besides, it's not like he'll never see or talk to them again just because he won't be in EXO for a while, or maybe forever.

He goes to stay with his parents for the interim, and although he's visited them often over the years and stayed with them during holidays, it's strange to be back in his childhood home for so long. It feels a bit like he's failed at being an adult and returned home with his tail between his legs, but that's silly; it's only for a few weeks.

 

(There was supposed to be more stuff here about Minseok getting ready to go, putting school on hold, etc. but it's nothing important.)

~

Minseok is nervous going through the army intake procedures, afraid that they'll say tell him he's mentally ill for being with a man and needs to be treated or even punished for it. They do say the first part (and he grits his teeth and tries not to let it bother him), but once he swears up and down that he'll behave himself in the army and not make trouble for anyone, they decide he's fit to serve. They do make it very clear that people will be keeping an eye on him and he'll be in trouble if he doesn't toe the line, but he expected nothing less.

With two weeks to go, Minseok is talking to Lu Han when he asks plaintively, "I get why we can't see each other while you're in the army, but can't I visit now?"

Minseok frowns. It's a regular phone call, no video, so Lu Han can't see him, but he must guess because he continues, "Will it make that much of a difference? If you really don't want to, it's your choice, but don't you want to see me?"

"Why don't you follow that up with 'don't you really love me?' for a little more guilt tripping?" Minseok teases.

"Sorry," Lu Han says meekly. "I'm not trying to guilt trip you. I just don't want to go two and a half years without seeing you, and it sucks that it's not really up to us if we can meet or not."

That's true, but then, it is up to Minseok how much he's willing to risk to see Lu Han one more time before he definitely can't for a while. Will it be worth the possible negative reaction? As worried as he is about how the army will treat him as it is, he thinks it might be worth it. Two years is indeed a very long time to be apart. He's doing this in large part to fight for what remains of his idol career, and his future in Korea in general, but he should keep fighting for Lu Han too.

"Come," he says, making up his mind on the spot. "Stay for a few days. At least if we're at my parents' house, people won't think we're meeting up for wild and crazy sex."

"No sex?" Lu Han asks. He's making a joke of it, but he also sounds a little worried.

"I didn't say that. But, you know, quiet sex. My parents already know more than they need to about my sex life."

They agree that Lu Han will come right away, so Minseok has time after he leaves to spend with his family and the friends who are still talking to him, and to hopefully get the news cycle to move past anything new it gets on them. Lu Han forwards his flight information an hour later, and Minseok finds himself smiling at his phone as he reads the e-mail. That's as sure as a sign as anything that this is the right choice; he'll deal with any consequences as they come.

~

Minseok's mother goes to pick Lu Han up at the airport, despite insistences from both Minseok and Lu Han that she doesn't have to. "He's our guest," she tells Minseok, "and I'm not afraid of some girls waiting around to scream at him. If they make a fuss, they'll find out what I think of the trouble they've caused my son." She's not the confrontational type at all, but somehow Minseok doesn't doubt for a second that she'd stand up for him (or for Lu Han) if it came down to it.

Lu Han texts when he gets picked up, saying that he was recognized but there wasn't anyone waiting, so it was just a few very excited fangirls in the arrival area asking for his autograph. _I'm sure they'll spread the word, but we didn't expect to be able to go stealth anyway._

He doesn't say anything else after that, making Minseok wonder if his mom is taking advantage of the opportunity to question Lu Han. She's met him before, and she liked him then, but things are different now. Is she telling him to be careful, to realize how badly things could go for Minseok if they don't keep their distance while he's in the army? Minseok hasn't discussed that with his parents, but he's sure they've thought about it too. He's sure they're worried.

Whatever they talked about on the drive over, Lu Han doesn't look too traumatized when they arrive. Minseok's mother comes inside with him but then says, "I'm going to go grocery shopping and let you settle in."

"Is she leaving us alone on purpose?" Lu Han asks once she leaves.

"Yes." Minseok thinks about that for a second and gets what Lu Han is hinting at. "But not like that. I think." He grimaces at the thought.

Lu Han laughs as he pulls Minseok into a hug. "Never mind that. Hi."

"Hi." Minseok lets Lu Han squish him for a second, then pulls back for a brief greeting kiss. "Thank for coming."

"Thanks for letting me come," Lu Han says wryly. He lifts a hand to rub Minseok's head, freshly shaved to get rid of his idol-blue hair before doing anything army-related. "You look different."

"Like you haven't seen me with a million different hair styles and colors before," Minseok says, as though he hasn't also been confused by the change when looking at himself in the mirror.

"That's true," Lu Han says, "but you look...mm, what's the word? Severe." Minseok makes a stern face to match the description, and Lu Han laughs at him. "You look ready to be a drill sergeant like that."

"More like someone getting yelled at by a drill sergeant." Minseok somehow doubts he'll rise to any position of power like that, but there's no reason to be thinking about that now. His mom won't be gone forever, and they should take advantage of this time. "Come on." He takes Lu Han's wrist and drags him down the hall to what was his bedroom and is now usually his parents' guest room, closing the door behind them.

"What do you think we have time for?" Lu Han asks.

"My mom's a slow shopper. What do you want to do?"

Lu Han considers for only a moment before he says, "Take off your clothes."

Minseok sees no reason to argue or question that, though he doesn't know what Lu Han is planning. He strips off his clothes without ceremony and Lu Han just stands there, watching. "Am I the only one getting naked?"

"What?" Lu Han blinks in confusion for a few seconds, like he forgot about everything except Minseok standing naked in front of him. "Oh." With a sheepish grimace, he undresses too. 

The muscles Minseok saw last time have become even more defined in the interim, and he pokes at Lu Han's stomach. "Been bored, have you?"

"A little bit. Are you complaining?" Lu Han flashes a smirk at Minseok, which is supposed to be sexy but only makes him smile.

"Not at all." Minseok trails his fingers over Lu Han's abs, noting how his breath catches. "So what else did you want to do?"

He expects Lu Han to want to be touched, given the current location of Minseok's hand and his obvious interest, but instead, Lu Han pushes him lightly back against the bed and goes down on his knees. Minseok watches as Lu Han kisses the front of his thigh, then the inside, then goes right to licking up the underside of his cock. He's not hard at all yet, but it won't take long to get there with this kind of attention from Lu Han.

"Is this a foreplay blowjob?" Minseok jokes. 

"No." Lu Han drops another kiss in the crease where Minseok's thigh and pelvis meet, then another right on his hipbone.

"You just couldn't wait to blow me?" Minseok's still trying to tease, but his voice wavers when Lu Han's next kiss lands right at the base of his cock, betraying his eagerness. He wasn't expecting this, but he sure isn't complaining.

Lu Han doesn't even try to play it cool. "Yes," he murmurs with his mouth still right there. He doesn't give Minseok a chance to respond, distracting him with another lick to his now much harder cock. He takes hold of the base and teases the tip with his tongue, then sucks briefly at the head. Minseok leans back on the bed and watches him, enjoying both the sight and the way it feels to have Lu Han's mouth on him.

Lu Han doesn't mess around, working him up with a few more licks here and there and then swallowing Minseok down deep enough that he moves his hand out of the way. Minseok's breath catches as the warm wetness of Lu Han's mouth envelops him completely. He bobs his head slowly enough that Minseok feels the slide of his tightly pursed lips over every bit of his cock, but quickly enough for the sensation to build up fast. Minseok runs his fingers into Lu Han's hair, pushing it back off his forehead and holding on just a little, so Lu Han can feel the involuntary clench of Minseok's hand when he bottoms out.

Minseok's stamina is good when he wants it to be, but he's not holding back, so he won't last long with Lu Han going all out. His legs are trembling and he leans back more heavily on the bed. "Lu Han," he breathes, not sure himself if it's praise or a plea for more or both. Lu Han takes it as the second, picking up the pace until Minseok's right on the edge. "Fuck," he moans.

A second later, Lu Han takes him in deep and Minseok loses it. _Fuck, I've missed this,_ is his last coherent thought before his mind is overtaken with pleasure, his body shaking as he comes into Lu Han's mouth. Lu Han sucks him through it, his nose against Minseok's skin.

When Lu Han pulls back, he smirks at Minseok again, pleased with himself. Minseok smiles lazily back, also quite pleased with the situation. He offers his hands to Lu Han, who takes them and lets Minseok pull him up and into him. Lu Han is very hard, Minseok notices. Lu Han kisses him eagerly, and Minseok responds, tasting himself on Lu Han's tongue. His cock is pressed against Minseok's hip, and he rubs against him. That means he also rubs against Minseok's cock, which is too oversensitive for that at the moment, so Minseok reaches between them to touch him.

Lu Han doesn't seem to have any objections to that, moaning into Minseok's mouth as he keeps kissing hungrily. Minseok feels so relaxed and good in the wake of his orgasm, and he melts into Lu Han's kiss, his lips tingling. It's such a contrast, and he wants Lu Han to feel good too, so he touches him fast, until Lu Han's body goes stiff and then he comes without so much as a pause in kissing Minseok.

They keep right on kissing after, but now Lu Han is equally relaxed, methodically licking his way all around Minseok's mouth. They're pressed flush against each other and Minseok wraps his arms around Lu Han and holds him tightly. He could stay like this forever, he thinks, just the two of them in this quiet moment, not caring about the rest of the world. They've been apart too much, and it would be so good to have Lu Han with him so these moments wouldn't be so few and far between.

They do break apart eventually, only because they're sticky and Minseok pushes Lu Han away so he can do something about that. "I feel like I should've taken better advantage of this time," Lu Han says as he accepts a few tissues from Minseok, "but I was in the mood for that."

"I'm not going to complain," Minseok tells him. "I'm sure we can find something to do with the rest of our time alone."

Once they're satisfactorily clean, they lie down on the bed, arms around each other and legs tangled together. "Minseok?" Lu Han asks as Minseok kisses his shoulder, his collarbone, his neck. "How are you doing?"

"I'm great," Minseok murmurs into the underside of Lu Han's jaw.

"I'm serious," Lu Han whines without much conviction.

"Haven't we talked about this enough?" Minseok kisses Lu Han's chin and then his lips, hoping to distract him.

"It's different over the phone," Lu Han presses. "Even with video. I can't really tell what you're thinking."

"I'm fine," Minseok says firmly. "I'm worried, but I'm fine, and I'll be fine. Have some faith in me."

"I do!" Lu Han protests. "I just..." He sighs. "I wish there was a quick fix. Or any fix, really. But there isn't really a way that everything turns out okay, is there?"

Minseok stops trying to change the subject, propping himself up to look Lu Han in the eye. "There's no way to go back to the way things were, if that's what you mean. And there's no way we live happily ever after without giving some things up. But even without this whole business of getting outed, that was always true."

Lu Han pouts at him. "What do you mean?"

"We're idols," Minseok points out. "We're from different countries. We're two guys, and I don't know if there's anywhere in the world where that really doesn't matter at all. This was never going to be easy, and we were always going to have to make some compromises." This isn't the conversation he wanted to have just when he was feeling so relaxed and happy, but he thinks it's important. No matter how things go from here on out, they have a hard road ahead of them, and Lu Han needs to be prepared for that.

Lu Han sighs again. "I know that. It just doesn't seem fair. We love each other, and we're good together. Why can't that be enough?"

"That's life," Minseok says. "You just have to decide how much you're willing to do for love." He doesn't like how cheesy that sounds, but it's the truth.

Lu Han smiles sadly. "We're willing to do a lot, apparently, huh?"

"Yeah." Minseok smiles and gives Lu Han a kiss. "You know you're not stuck, right? You're never stuck with me if it's too much for you."

"No." There's no hesitation in Lu Han's voice. "I mean, same goes for you, but I don't want to give up. That's not what I'm saying."

"Good," Minseok says. "Me neither." He kisses Lu Han again, lingering, then rests his head on Lu Han's shoulder. "I think it's going to be a long time before things really feel okay. I can't even imagine where we'll be or what we'll be doing then. But we'll be together. As long as we both still want this, we'll find a way to make it work."

Lu Han doesn't say anything just lifts his hand and rubs the back of Minseok's head, since he can't play with his hair. After a moment, he drops his arm again and wraps it around Minseok, pulling him close. He kisses Minseok's head and leans into him, and that says all there is to say.

~

Lu Han is there for the better part of five days, but it passes far too quickly. They mostly stay home, but once a quick check of social media reveals that the internet knows Lu Han is there, they decide there's no reason to hide. They go out for coffee and to kick around a soccer ball like old times. Minseok isn't sure what to expect, but they're largely left alone, aside from a few jerks who can't resist making comments and a pair of shy fangirls who ask for autographs like nothing has changed and wish them both the best.

Minseok enjoys himself and doesn't think about the future, but all too soon, the future arrives in the form of Lu Han's flight back to Beijing. Minseok takes Lu Han to his room to say a private goodbye before Lu Han leaves for the airport. Before they even start talking, Lu Han's expression is a mix of determination and misery that leaves Minseok not sure if he wants to smile or cry in response. "Two years," Lu Han says morosely.

"Don't think about it," Minseok tells him. "Time always goes by fast. Before you know it, I'll be out."

"And then what?" Lu Han asks, but Minseok shakes his head.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We'll see where we're at in two years, and where the world is at, and figure it out from there."

Lu Han still looks kind of pitiful, but then the determination in his expression wins out. "Your mom promised to keep me updated so I don't pester you too much. And I'm going to find a way to get back to work so we'll both be busy."

"That's right," Minseok says. "You won't have time to miss me."

Lu Han kisses him goodbye like they're not going to be apart for two years, or even two weeks. It's better that way, because it'll never be enough no matter how hard they try. "I love you," he says with the same determination. "Just imagine me texting you that every single night."

"You've never been _that_ sappy."

Lu Han grins. "I can be extra sappy when it's imaginary."

"Well, then imagine me doing the same back." Minseok gives Lu Han another kiss, and then a hug. "I love you. Have a safe flight."

It's a simple goodbye, but that's all right. It feels less final that way, as it should. They'll see each other again someday not so far away.

~

Minseok's been doing a lot of worrying lately, but ultimately he's, if not exactly an optimist, then at least someone who naturally focuses on what he can and should do now and doesn't think too hard about the past or the future. It's served him well before, and it's just what he needs now. Someone with a more active imagination would think of all the ways his army experience could be horrible, but he just tells himself that he'll do his best and deal with what happens as it comes.

His non-idol friends who have already completed their army service told him so many horror stories about basic training that the first day actually doesn't seem so bad in comparison. He's pushed hard, physically, but it's not as bad as dance practices dragged out until 2 a.m., or doing a whole concert, taking a red-eye flight back to Korea and recording a music show the next day. He's done concerts while miserably sick and done take after take of music show performances while nursing injuries; he can handle this.

The non-physical part isn't pleasant either. It's clear that both the men in charge and his fellow new soldiers know who Minseok is. The supervisors yell insults at him that they don't use on anyone else, all manner of slurs plus things related to him being an idol. Being yelled at is also not new to Minseok, though no one at SM ever said these particular things to him. As for the other new recruits, they don't insult Minseok, but they avoid him as much as they can, as though they're concerned that either they'll catch gayness from him or they'll be treated harshly just for associating with him.

Minseok can handle all of this, but he's still glad when they finally stop for the night. He's in good shape, well-rested after a month off, and used to hardship, but he's only human and there are many more days of training ahead. He manages to shower without anyone thinking he's looking at them inappropriately, probably because they're all too tired to even think of it, and then he gets into his uncomfortable bunk and quickly falls sound asleep.

The next day is much like the first, if not more so. They're being supervised by Lieutenant Kim and Lieutenant Kang, and Lieutenant Kang seems to especially have it in for Minseok. He's worse than the previous day, like it offends him that Minseok isn't crumbling under the pressure, proving the insults he's throwing at him accurate. "You fucking sissy!" he yells, getting right up in Minseok's face. "You shouldn't even be here. It's an insult to real men to have to look at your face."

They're running sprints, and it's kind of hard for Minseok to do it with the other man getting in his way, but he does the best he can. They've been at this for a while and some of the others soldiers are struggling to keep up. Minseok's legs are tired too, but while he's slowed down a little, he's still a long way from his limit. Kang doesn't seem to like that, or maybe he's just mad for no particular reason. Minseok isn't listening to exactly what he's saying anymore, but it's something about crying to his boyfriend and being a pussy and other such tired, uncreative insults.

One by one, the other soldiers collapse to the ground, unable to push themselves any longer. Minseok can't watch the others closely, busy as he is with running back and forth, but he can see that only a few of them are still running. His legs are burning with the strain, his breath coming in harsh gasps, but he stubbornly continues. Kang yells extra loud, because they're suddenly down to two and he doesn't want Minseok to be the last man standing. It hurts like hell to keep going, but Minseok can be awfully stubborn when he wants to be, and somehow he manages to keep running until the last other soldier slumps to the ground with a disappointed groan.

The silence that follows unnerves Minseok, who suddenly wonders if it was the right choice to keep going or if he should have let someone else win, to avoid standing out any more than he already is. Then, Lieutenant Kim says, "Nice work, soldier. And as for the rest of you, you'd better get some stamina fast."

Minseok is relieved to see that they don't totally have it in for him. On the other hand, when it's time to shower that night, the other new recruits look less than thrilled with him. "Quit showing off, faggot," one of them mutters (one of the five other Kims in the group).

"Don't suck up to the lieutenants just because you want to suck them off," another, Nam, adds. Minseok ignores them, his eyes on the ground so no one can accuse him of staring at them. For now, thankfully, they leave it at that.

And so it goes, as basic training continues. Lieutenant Kang becomes no less irritated with Minseok's existence, and while Lieutenant Kim largely stays away from the targeted insults, he's by no means nice either. Many of the other new recruits are just focused on surviving, but too many of them decide that Minseok is a good target for their frustration. They can't yell back at the lieutenants or magic themselves into better shape, but no one will stop them from being cruel to Minseok, at least not unless they take it way too far.

It's junior high levels of bullying for now (though Minseok was never bullied in junior high). They call him names, accuse him in various colorful ways of wanting to sleep with other soldiers, and occasionally shove him around. He eats his meals alone because no one wants to be tainted by association with him even if they don't personally have a problem with him, and no one will so much as smile at him. It's a very lonely feeling, especially when Minseok is used to the camaraderie and constant company of being in EXO, living and working with people who wouldn't leave him alone if he wanted them to.

It would be easy to fall into despair, but Minseok remembers how he told Lu Han to have faith in him, that he'd be fine no matter what happened. He's not going to let some juvenile bullies who are probably just jealous that he's in better shape than them despite being older make him miserable. He survived the crucible of SM training and he survived being an idol, and he survived continuing to be an idol after revealing that he was dating a male ex-member of his group. He can survive this too.

Halfway through the second week of basic training, they do a complicated obstacle course with a partner. Minseok's partner is one of the other Kims, whose first name he can't remember. He's a scrawny kid who looks just barely old enough to be here and has noticeably struggled with all their physical activities, which is probably why Minseok gets stuck with him. He even catches Lieutenant Kang smirking at him, like he fully expects them to fail.

The scrawny Kim manages all right for a while, but then they get to a part where they have to carry a heavy sack of god-knows-what between them while running over a muddy patch of ground littered with rocks and he crumbles, quite literally, under the weight, stumbling and falling to the ground so that his half of the sack falls on top of him. He yelps, hopefully more in surprise than in pain, and chokes back a curse.

The sack was heavy for two, and it's almost unmanageable for one, but with great effort and a very unhappy twinge in his shoulders, Minseok manages to yank it off of his partner. "Thank you," he gasps. "I'm sorry."

"Get up," Minseok tells him, firmly but not cruelly. "We have to finish."

"I can't." The kid looks pathetic, but Minseok's not about to let him give up so easily. Maybe he can afford to fail, but Minseok can't. Besides, taking care of people has always come naturally to Minseok.

"We'll do it together," he pushes. "Come on." He offers his hand, and the kid takes it, getting shakily to his feet.

It's an immense struggle to lift the sack up again and Minseok bears far more than his fair share of it, but they manage it somehow. Once they're stable, they start to run again. They've fallen far behind everyone else and Lieutenants Kang and Kim are both yelling at them, but Minseok doggedly continues moving. They may finish far behind everyone else, but they'll finish. To his partner's credit, now that he's up, he keeps moving, doing his best to keep up with Minseok and not drop the sack.

Minseok is really feeling the extra weight by the time they get to the finish line, struggling to stay up himself, but somehow they make it. It's an immense relief to let go of the heavy sack, and his partner immediately flops down on top of it. Kang is still telling them off for finishing dead last and being a bunch of wimps and so on, but Minseok can't be bothered to listen. He's just glad that they made it in one piece.

When the lieutenant finally gets tired of yelling at them and orders them to go get cleaned up, Kim says, "Thank you. I'm sorry I slowed you down so much."

"We made it," Minseok tells him. "That's the important thing." He offers a hand up again, though his arms are quite unhappy with him after all that strain.

"I, um..." The kid hesitates and decides against saying whatever he's thinking.

Minseok doesn't take offense. He's struggling enough without befriending the social leper of their training group. "Let's go or there'll be nothing left for us at dinner."

~

The members of Minseok's training group who haven't been outright bullying him have generally been giving him a wide berth whenever possible. He expects that for many of them, it's less about personal animosity than about not wanting any grief for associating with him. He can't fault them for that; if their positions were reversed, would he be willing to sacrifice his comfort and maybe even personal safety to help a near stranger feel a little less alone?

The next day, instead of working with partners, they're in groups of ten. Probably not, considering how smug Lieutenant Kang looks, by coincidence, three of Minseok's bullies are in the group with him, Nam, Kim and Lee. They don't look any happier about it than Minseok feels, though; if they want to succeed at this exercise, they'll need to work together, not sabotage him. (He wonders if Kang really thought this through.)

 

(They do some kind of group work thing and the bullies are jerks but Minseok proves himself and the other guys aren't so bad.)

 

At dinner that night, Minseok sits alone as usual. He expects to stay alone, as usual, but after a minute or two, a tray plunks down across from him, and another one next to it. He looks up, surprised, to see Kwon, who was in his group earlier, and another of the Kims, who Minseok has barely interacted with so far. Minseok can't help being wary, but these two haven't bothered him so far, and he can't see why they'd suddenly start now. Minseok's group did well, so Kwon has no reason to be upset with him.

"Can we sit here?" Kwon asks.

Minseok tries not to look too surprised. "Sure," he answers, attempting to sound casual. He's still wary, but a little hopeful. He's been bracing himself for continued isolation, but it would be very nice if that doesn't turn out to be the case.

There's silence at first, and Minseok doesn't quite know what to think. Then, Kwon says, "You always sit alone over here. We thought you could use some company. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all." Does he not realize what's been going on or is he just politely ignoring it? Minseok can't imagine he missed the memo, given all the comments from Lieutenant Kang and the other bullies.

"We haven't really been probably introduced," Kim puts in. "You can call me Hajun. " He smiles, but a little stiffly, like he's aware that this is a bit more complicated than a normal, friendly meeting. "You're older than most of us, right?"

"Yes," Minseok says. "Twenty-seven."

"We should be polite, then," Kwon says.

Minseok shrugs. "You can call me hyung if you want. " He doesn't mind, and he's in no position to be picky with the only people who have deigned to show any sign of friendliness to him.

"And I'm Seunghyun," says Kwon.

Seunghyun and Hajun seem to be friends already, though as far as Minseok knows, they only met at the start of basic training. They talk on and off through the meal, making an effort to include Minseok with questions and comments. Something about it still feels a little awkward, like they're trying too hard to pretend that everything is normal, but it's not so bad that Minseok can't mostly ignore it.

They're nearly finished eating when Lieutenant Kim calls Seunghyun over to help him with something. He hurries over, leaving Minseok with Hajun, who has been the quieter of the two. They finish the remainder of their meals in silence before Hajun puts his chopsticks down hard enough to startle Minseok. 

"Sorry," he says sheepishly, and Minseok relaxes again, reassured that he's not about to start something. "I wanted to say..." His eyes are downcast, clearly uncomfortable. He stops and takes a deep breath in and out. "My little brother. He's...you know." His eyes flick up for a second to make sure Minseok understands what he's getting at, then back down. "He hasn't told anyone but me. He doesn't get bullied because no one has guessed, but it's still really hard for him. I used to think that guys shouldn't...be like that. But it's different when it's someone you know."

He looks up again, and this time doesn't look away when his eyes meet Minseok's. "It must have been really hard to stand up and tell the truth like you did, and then to come here with everyone knowing. I hope one day it'll be easier, for kids like my brother."

"I hope so too," Minseok says. He's read posts online talking about what it meant for gay kids to see him and Lu Han reveal their relationship, but it's different having someone say it to his face, even if it's about his brother, not him. It's the last thing he expected to hear after coming to the army, and it does feel good, only strange.

"I'm sorry I didn't try to stand up for you," Hajun continues. "But I thought, you know...if it was my brother in your position, with everyone treating him badly for something he can't change about himself, I'd hope that someone would be there for him. So I'll try from now on."

Minseok smiles, surprised but happy, some of his faith in humanity restored. "Thank you. You don't have to get yourself in trouble on my account, but I appreciate the thought. And it's been very nice to have company for a change."

Hajun is still tense, but his smile looks real to Minseok. "I'm glad."

The usual bullies still pick on Minseok that night, but he doesn't let it bother him. For the first time since he started his army service, he goes to bed feeling hopeful.

 

Making friends doesn't solve all of Minseok's problems by any stretch, but it does make them more bearable. Two days later, the Kim who Minseok saved on the obstacle course (Jihu, it turns out) joins the three of them at dinner. Based on their previous interaction, Minseok expected him to be shy and awkward, but he turns out to be a chatterbox. He reminds Minseok of Sehun a little in his inability to consistently use formal language (and lack of caring about it), but he's much more energetic (when not lugging a huge weight around).

 

 

(And then I skipped right to the end of Minseok's army service, so assume nothing terribly important happened.)

~

It's winter when Minseok finishes his army service, and the day he leaves is a particularly wintry sort of day, with light snow blown around by a bitterly cold wind. Minseok tugs his hat down over his ears and huddles into his scarf as he waits for his ride to Seoul with the other soldiers leaving today. No one talks much, given the cold, and Minseok isn't sure they would anyway. Like him, they're probably all miles away already, thinking about what's wait for them at home. (Though unlike him, they probably haven't been unable to see someone they care about even when they were on leave.)

Minseok has a lot on his mind, not just seeing his family and friends and especially Lu Han, but also what comes next. He's spent his two years focused on the day to day, working hard and trying to get along with the people around him so he wouldn't get into any trouble. He hasn't thought too far ahead, because there was no way of knowing what was coming and he had more immediate things to deal with. Now, though, he's getting out, and it'll be time to face the big questions he's been ignoring, both the ones that are his to answer and the ones that are out of his hands. 

First, there's the matter of EXO. He's casually followed the news when he had free time and seen their ups and downs, losing yet another member, but gaining more fans and more recognition. They're doing well without him, and they don't _need_ him back, but they never really needed him, did they? The question is whether the members and the company and the fans _want_ him back, and he has no idea, at this point, what the answers will be.

He doesn't even, to tell the truth, know what he wants himself. Two years ago, the prospect of not being an idol anymore sounded terrifying. It still does frighten him, but he's had two years of doing something else, and he can believe more than before that he'll find somewhere he fits outside of the idol world, if he has to. He misses performing and he misses EXO, specifically, but he doesn't miss the endless schedules and the strict diets and the jet lag and having his every move critiqued (even more so than in the military). He thinks that if they'll take him back, he won't be able to pass up the opportunity, but if they won't, there just might be a part of him that's happy.


	4. Chapter 4

Minseok flies into Kansai airport and Lu Han into Nagoya, though that's unlikely to convince anyone that they're not traveling together. Minseok should care more than he does, but he hasn't seen Lu Han in two years—has barely even talked to him, afraid that the most innocuous conversation would get him in trouble. In the army, he felt that he had no other choice, but now, he's willing to take the risk. If seeing Lu Han means not being allowed to go back to EXO...well, then the decision will be made for him and he'll deal with it. He's not willing to pass up being with Lu Han for any longer than he already has, not for anything.

There are some fans at the airport, but only a few. It feels almost novel after two years away from idol life, actually having fans who care enough to come see him. He wasn't at all sure he would at this point. Japanese fans tend to behave themselves in public, and these girls are polite, holding up signs and waving enthusiastically at Minseok but not approaching him. He bows and smiles at them and walks away, feeling relieved and happy.

He and Lu Han travel separately to Kanazawa, on the eastern coast. It's a sizable city, but quiet in comparison to the ones they arrived in. There are no fans anticipating their arrival here, and if anyone recognizes them, they don't show it. Lu Han doesn't even recognize Minseok with his winter hat pulled down and his scarf pulled up, walking right past him outside the train exit gates. 

"Hey!" Minseok calls after him. He doesn't want to call Lu Han's name, just in case it will catch someone's attention, so he has to call out twice more before Lu Han registers his voice. He turns around in a circle, looking confused, until he finally sees Minseok waving to him and a big grin spreads over his face.

"There you are." Heedless of the people around them, Lu Han pulls Minseok into a hug. Minseok can't help worrying that someone might see and care and maybe snap a picture, but he pushes the thought out of his mind. It's just a hug; people will have to accept that much.

"Come on," Minseok says when they break apart. "We have to hurry if we want to catch the express train." Despite his words, he has to stop for a second to smile at Lu Han. It's really good to see him again, and it'll be even better to have this time together, in a quiet place where (hopefully) no one will pay attention to them.

They make it to the express train with time to spare and find their seats. The train is practically deserted, even more so than Minseok expected. It's the middle of the day, so there's no commuter traffic, and they're well past peak tourist season and into the deep part of winter when few people choose to come here. Minseok sits by the window, with Lu Han leaning into him as they look out over the snowy landscape. There's no snow falling at the moment, but everything is white, a deep midwinter white.

"It's beautiful," Lu Han says.

"It looks cold," Minseok says wryly. He spent enough of his army service freezing in the mountains to not be excited about the prospect, but he has to agree that it is beautiful. He thinks that as long as they can stay safe and warm indoors, he won't mind the cold so much.

"I'll keep you warm," Lu Han murmurs. 

Minseok tenses, but there's no one sitting anywhere near them, and that's assuming anyone on this train even speaks enough Korean to understand. Still, he can't let his guard down after everything that's happened to them, so he whispers, "Behave yourself in public."

"Sir, yes, sir," Lu Han chirps, far too amused by Minseok's worries. All the same, he is clearly restraining himself, draping an arm around Minseok to get closer to the window but not touching him excessively. Knowing Lu Han, he'd probably be much happier if he was sitting in the window seat with Minseok in his lap, but he's capable of some restraint, when he really wants to be.

Once they get off the train, they have half an hour to kill before catching the small local train to their next stop. It's too cold to wait on the platform, so they stay in the station, buying hot coffee from a vending machine. "I like my usual drink," Lu Han comments, "but I can see the appeal of hot coffee at times like this."

There's nowhere to sit, so they stand against the wall with their suitcases. If Minseok is honest with himself, Lu Han's not the only one who would be happy to cuddle up together, and not just because it's cold. He dealt with being separated from Lu Han well enough, but now that they're together again, he feels like they have so much time to make up for. He wants to hold Lu Han tight and talk about all the things he couldn't say to anyone when he was in the army, and about all the experiences he wasn't able to share with Lu Han. He wants to say all kinds of uncharacteristically sappy things to make up for all the feelings he had to lock up inside of him for the past two years.

He also wants very badly to kiss Lu Han, to make the pink in his cheeks from the cold outside and the heat inside turn to the deep red of arousal. He wants to do so many things he can't even get his fantasies straight, just a mix of him and Lu Han doing all kinds of things in all kinds of positions. They have a week to get their fill of each other, and while that's probably not possible, Minseok has no doubt that they'll try their absolute best.

The second train feels particularly tiny in comparison to the express, and their car is completely empty. They're seated with their backs to the window, and there are no dividers on the seats, nothing to keep them from squishing close together. Lu Han is warm all up the length of Minseok's body, from ankle to shoulder, and he rests his arm on the seat back behind Minseok. He could plausibly be just stretching, maybe, but if anyone saw the look on his face, Minseok doubts they would believe that.

They make idle conversation about their flights and train rides, about the dinner they're looking forward to at the inn they're staying at and whether it will be possible to walk along the beach in this weather. "Do you actually want to?" Lu Han asks with a teasing grin. "It'll be cold."

"I brought lots of warm clothes," Minseok retorts. "And didn't you say you were going to keep me warm?" He feels his cheeks heat up, not because it's such a scandalous comment as because he's relaxing and letting go, and that makes him think again of what's ahead. It will feel so good to not have to hold back anymore. 

By the time they arrive at their destination, the sun is setting and snow has started to fall. Their hotel is technically within walking distance, but it's a long walk and there's no way they're going to do it in these conditions, lugging their suitcases. They find a taxi and manage to communicate their destination with their limited Japanese and a copy of their hotel reservation (more the second than the first). Minseok understands enough to say yes when the driver asks them if they're on a trip, but the conversation lapses after that.

When they enter the lobby of the inn, a short woman with gray hair comes out of a doorway and greets them enthusiastically. Lu Han and Minseok both know enough to greet her back, but then she keeps chattering in Japanese and Minseok can't catch more than a word here and there. At their confused expressions, the woman stops and asks, "Lu-sama?"

Lu Han raises his hand and says, "Hai," which makes the woman smile.

"Kim-sama?" she asks Minseok, who nods. 

"This way, please." At least Minseok can understand that much, but he can already see that communication will be an adventure this week. EXO has been doing more activities in Japan in his absence, and if he does go back, he's going to have to make a real effort to improve his language skills. (Or just hope that the other members talk enough that he doesn't have to, as he did with Chinese.)

"I thought my Japanese was a little better than that," Lu Han says once the innkeeper leaves them in their room with snacks and what was probably an explanation of how to make tea.

"We'll manage," Minseok says. "Probably. Did she say anything about when dinner is?"

Lu Han frowns. "I think I heard six o'clock? Maybe?"

"I guess we'll wander out at six o'clock and see." It's already 5:30, so that doesn't give them time to do anything much before. Minseok plugs in his phone to charge and opens his suitcase, taking out some clothes to hang up or put in the available drawers.

Lu Han also takes out his phone charger, but nothing else. He takes off his coat and sits on one of the floor cushions, watching Minseok with a smile on his face. "Just say it," Minseok tells him. "Whatever mocking thing you want to say."

"No mocking," Lu Han says cheerfully. "I think it's cute."

"So you've said." Minseok rolls his eyes tolerantly. He finishes putting his clothes away and takes his toiletries into the bathroom, then goes to sit with Lu Han.

Lu Han immediately scoots his cushion closer, then decides that isn't enough and moves right into Minseok's lap, straddling his legs and grinning. "Hi."

"Hi." Minseok tips his head up for a kiss, now that they finally have some privacy. They don't have time before dinner for anything more than kissing, so it's a slow, leisurely kind of kiss. Two years have passed since Minseok last kissed Lu Han, but it feels so familiar, like coming home. 

Lu Han's hands cup his cheeks, gentle and warm. "I love you," he murmurs against Minseok's lips.

"Me too." Minseok fists his hands in Lu Han's shirt, feeling the warmth of his body bleeding through the fabric. "I missed you."

"Yeah?" Lu Han's smile is smug, but there's a hint of something more vulnerable underneath that, like he wasn't sure Minseok did actually miss him.

"Yeah," Minseok says firmly, so he won't have any room for doubt. "I wanted to tell you things all the time. I just wanted to see your face."

Lu Han kisses him again, like he can't hold himself back any longer. "Me too." He pats Minseok's cheeks and laughs giddily. "It's a very nice face."

Minseok laughs and shakes his head. "Yours isn't bad either." He kisses Lu Han one more time before saying, "We should go see about dinner."

"Can't I just eat you?" Lu Han grimaces, thinking better of the words as soon as they're out of his mouth, and Minseok laughs at him.

"Maybe later."

 

There are three tables in the room they're ushered into for dinner, but only one has food on it, a massive spread that looks like it's meant for much more than two people. The same old woman as before gestures from them to take a seat, then bows and leaves them alone.

"Are we the only ones here?" Minseok asks Lu Han, looking at the other tables.

"Looks like it." Lu Han picks up his chopsticks, eyeing the food curiously.

"I'm starting to think maybe we should have gone somewhere a little busier if we wanted privacy," Minseok comments.

Lu Han makes a face. "We'll just...be quiet and hope her hearing isn't very good. At least an old lady like that probably has no idea who we are."

"I hope so." Minseok's not going to worry about that now. The room is warm and comfortable and the food looks delicious and he's with Lu Han again at last. There's some kind of hotpot on the table between them, and he takes a piece of what looks like fish out of it. Whatever it is, it's delicious, and he eagerly helps himself to more.

"You're really meant to do food commercials," Lu Han says, watching him.

"Shut up and eat," Minseok tells him. "It's really good."

Lu Han takes some food for himself, eating a few bites before he agrees, "That is really good."

Minseok is too busy eating to give Lu Han a hard time. He may well be going back to an idol diet soon, especially since he gained some weight in the army, so he's going to enjoy every bite of food on this trip to the fullest. There are a number of different dishes arrayed around the hotpot, all of them equally good. It looked like more food than they could possibly eat at the beginning, but they slowly work their way through it.

Lu Han knows better than to try to keep up a conversation with Minseok while he eats, so they just make the occasional comment on the food as they stuff themselves. The innkeeper brings them dessert eventually, looking at the cleared plates and making what Minseok thinks is a positive comment about eating well. They smile and tell her the food was delicious—that, at least, Minseok knows how to say.

By the time dinner is over, Minseok would be content to just lie down and digest. Lu Han looks offended when he flops down at the table in their room, his eyes half closing. "Are you really going to go to sleep now?"

Minseok laughs drowsily. "What's your hurry? How about a shower after all that traveling?"

Lu Han lets Minseok drag him into the shower, but he doesn't make it more than ten seconds before he goes for a kiss. Minseok pushes him away with a hand on his chest. "First the actual showering, then the shower sex," he says firmly.

"Then more showering?" Lu Han teases, but he obediently backs off.

They wash up quickly. Then, Minseok turns off the shower and switches the water to the tub to fill it up for later before turning his attention to Lu Han. "Now the shower sex?" Lu Han asks, grinning.

"Yeah."

It's more rushed than Minseok expected for their first time after being apart so long, but he probably should have guessed that they'd be too hungry for it to take it slow. They kiss deeply as they rub off against each other, then finish with Lu Han's hand around both of them. Lu Han's still catching his breath after coming when he asks, "More later, right?" 

Minseok rolls his eyes and pretends he doesn't want it just as much. "Sure, later."

They rinse off again and then climb into the tub together. It's deep and big enough for them to spread out, but they don't, sitting side by side. Lu Han's arm wraps around Minseok's back, and Minseok turns toward him, slinging his legs over Lu Han's. "I'm glad we decided to do this trip," Lu Han says. "It'll be really good to have this time, just us."

"Yeah." Minseok leans his head on Lu Han's shoulder. He feels even more ready for a nap now, full of food and happily spent. Lu Han's thumb absently strokes over his hip bone, and he rests his head on top of Minseok's. 

Minseok doesn't think he'll actually fall asleep, but his eyes drift shut, and the next thing he knows, he's curled up fully in Lu Han's lap, head resting on his chest, with both of Lu Han's arms around him. He opens his eyes, squinting against the light. "Good morning," Lu Han says softly.

Minseok chuckles at that. "I hope not. Was I out long?"

"Just a few minutes. I figured I should let you sleep so you'll be awake later."

"Someone's a little impatient."

"Only a little." Minseok can't see Lu Han's face, but he can hear the smile in his voice. "Plus you're cute when you sleep." Minseok lets that go without comment, just smiling against Lu Han's skin.

They linger in the bath for a while longer, enjoying the warmth and each other's company. They dry off, and Lu Han seems in no hurry to get dressed again, but Minseok pulls on one of the robes in the closet. It's a little big, and Lu Han grins as he rolls up the sleeves. "Are you cold?" he asks. "We can turn up the heat."

"I'm fine now," Minseok assures him.

"But how am I going to get you out of your clothes later?"

"You'll just have to warm me up."

They lay out the two futons right next to each other. "Do you think we'll scandalize the ahjumma of we leave them like this?" Lu Han asks.

"Good thing we'll be responsible and put them away," Minseok says.

Once the bed is arranged, Minseok lies down in the middle. Lu Han stays standing, looking down at him. "What are you doing up there?" Minseok tugs open the top of his robe, smirking at Lu Han.

He wonders if he should be insulted when Lu Han laughs. "You haven't forgotten how to do your idol smirk."

"It doesn't seem to be working," Minseok says wryly.

Lu Han laughs again, louder. "You don't have to try with me." He bends down to untie Minseok's belt and push the sides of his robe apart. The air is cool on his skin, but then Lu Han straddles his waist and bends down over him, his hands on either side of Minseok's head. He flashes Minseok a smirk of his own before dipping down to kiss him. Their shower quickie took the edge off, so now they take it slower, kissing deeply.

Lu Han stretches out on top of Minseok, only his head propped up to kiss. It very effectively warms Minseok up, having Lu Han pressed flush against him. Arousal warms him up too as Lu Han's tongue dips into his mouth and his hips move against Minseok's. Minseok arches up into him and Lu Han lets out a pleased sigh. "What do you want?" Minseok murmurs. "Since you were so impatient, you must have had some ideas."

"I want..." Lu Han chuckles softly. "I had many ideas. Choosing is the hard part." He kisses Minseok's neck, his collarbone, the underside of his jaw, and back to his mouth. "I want you to fuck me."

"Yeah?" Minseok plays it cool, like Lu Han's words don't send a thrill through him. It's been so damn long. "Any particular way?"

"Slow," Lu Han says, "Iike I know you can."

"Any other preferences?"

Lu Han laughs as if to say, _I know what you're doing._ He moves further down Minseok's body to kiss his chest and flick at his nipples with his tongue. "I wouldn't mind a foreplay blowjob." He drags his tongue over Minseok's nipple, then around it in a circle, making Minseok shiver in a way that has nothing to do with cold. "And then I want you inside of me, building up nice and slow." He repeats the motion on the other side, lingering until Minseok's breath catches.

Satisfied, Lu Han moves back up to Minseok mouth. "I want you to kiss me while you fuck me," he murmurs, right up against Minseok's lips. 

"I can do that." Minseok lifts his head and kisses Lu Han hard, hands coming up to pull Lu Han tight against him. ***

They kiss for a while until Minseok decides it's time to start indulging Lu Han's fantasy. "Wait here." He goes to Lu Han's suitcase and finds the lube and condoms where he always used to put them when they traveled together with EXO, in the top inside pocket. He comes back to Lu Han lying splayed out over the two futons, absently touching himself. Minseok kneels between his legs, setting the condoms aside and the lube within easy reach. "Did you think about this before?" he asks as he moves back, bending down until he's right above Lu Han's erection.

Lu Han makes a sound halfway between a laugh and a groan, even though Minseok's not touching him right now. "Too much."

"Well, I hope it lives up to the fantasy." Without waiting for a response, Minseok dips his head. He doesn't waste time with teasing, taking Lu Han into his mouth right away. Lu Han's hips buck up slightly, not enough to bother Minseok, but enough to show how eager he is for this. Minseok leans on his thighs to hold him down as he bobs his head slowly up and down, lips pursed tight and tongue dragging along the underside of Lu Han's cock. 

It's a sign of how much he's missed sex with Lu Han that he thinks, _This is nice_ at the familiar weight of Lu Han's cock swelling in his mouth and the familiar taste on his tongue. Spending a lot of time apart is difficult in a lot of ways, but it does make Minseok really appreciate sex with Lu Han when it happens, all the sensations familiar by now and yet simultaneously feeling new and exciting after months or years or absence.

As he sucks Lu Han off, he reaches for the lube, slicking up his fingers between Lu Han's legs. When he's ready, he touches his fingers to Lu Han's skin, dragging downward until he finds what he's looking for. He circles the rim a few times, feeling Lu Han's legs twitch and hearing his breath catch. Then he pushes a finger in and Lu Han chokes back a moan. Minseok pulls off just long enough to say, "Remember that we should be quiet."

Lu Han says nothing, but he's quieter as Minseok sucks him down again, moving his head steadily at the same time as his finger dips deep into Lu Han's body, shifting around and curling inside of him. He's rock hard now, and Minseok's lips stretch around him. He likes getting Lu Han ready like this, making sure he feels really good as Minseok stretches him open, working his way up to do and then three fingers. By the time he gets to three, Lu Han's breathing is harsh, his hands clutching at the sheets on either side of him.

Minseok continues longer than he needs to, making sure Lu Han is really worked up, for so long that Lu Han finally groans out, "Stop."

"You don't like it?" Minseok asks innocently.

Lu Han's disbelieving expression makes Minseok laugh, but then Lu Han smiles too. "I like it a lot, but I don't want to come before you even fuck me."

"No, we wouldn't want that." Minseok's neglected erection throbs between his legs just at the thought of fucking Lu Han. "Get up," he says. "Let's start out like this."

Lu Han gets somewhat shakily up onto his knees and straddles Minseok's legs, hands resting on his shoulders. "Like this, you mean?"

Lu Han riding Minseok is probably not what he had in mind, but it's a good way to ease into this, let Lu Han set the pace until he's less on the edge. It does let them kiss, Lu Han bending down to capture Minseok's lips as soon as he sinks down onto him. They kiss languidly and Lu Han slowly rocks up and down, any noise they make muffled against each other's lips. Minseok rests his hands on Lu Han's hips and revels in the tight press of his body, warm and slick.

For what feels like a long time, they continue like that, kissing as Lu Han moves on top of Minseok. Lu Han's probably a lot more turned on, but for Minseok, it's perfect, a slow build up that has his body humming, eager but not desperate for more. He also likes having Lu Han's mouth on his, feeling every little gasp and hearing every noise that escapes him when he bottoms out. Minseok gives his cock the occasional stroke, and each one has Lu Han moaning right into his mouth.

Finally, Lu Han breaks the kiss and looks at Minseok with dark eyes. His cheeks are red, his pink lips parted, and Minseok is struck by how impossibly beautiful Lu Han is up close and how lucky he is to have Lu Han all to himself. "Minseok." Lu Han's voice is rough and pleading.

"I got you," Minseok says, his voice none too steady either.

Lu Han lifts off of him and lies back. Minseok takes a moment to appreciate the sight of Lu Han spread out in front of him, his hair rumpled, his cock hard and wet, his legs spread invitingly. Minseok moves between his legs, nudging them a little further apart before he pushes into him in a sharp thrust that has Lu Han gasping and arching up off the bed. "Fuck, Minseok."

"Is that good?" Minseok asks.

"Really good," Lu Han affirms. Then, "But not too fast."

"Okay." As requested, Minseok pumps into Lu Han slowly, full thrusts that go in deep and pull all the way out at first. Lu Han moans every time the head of Minseok's cock pushes into him, pressing a fist to his mouth once he realizes what he's doing. That eggs Minseok on to keep this up, as does the feel of Lu Han's body, like it can't decide if it wants to push him out or pull him in.

Eventually, he leans forward, pressing in deeper still. Lu Han's body is a bit long for him, so he props Lu Han's hips up with their pillows and pushes on his legs until he can reach Lu Han's mouth as he thrusts into him. Lu Han moans approvingly, kissing back open mouthed and messy. Minseok's body is buzzing, the slow progression making it intense, and he imagines that's even more true for Lu Han, who's already trembling beneath him.

"Still good?" Minseok murmurs.

"Yeah," Lu Han breathes. "Don't stop."

Minseok takes him at his word, continuing his slow thrusts until Lu Han completely forgets himself. "Shh," he admonishes, but Lu Han isn't listening, and Minseok doesn't care anymore. If anyone's still awake and can hear them clearly enough to understand what they're hearing, they'll just have to deal with it.

When Lu Han starts to touch himself, Minseok knows they're getting to the end. "Come," he tells Lu Han (probably unnecessarily). "Let me see you."

Almost immediately, Lu Han does, breaking the kiss to tip his head back as he arches up off the bed, drawing a low moan from Minseok that's muffled by Lu Han's louder one. He thrashes around, hand eagerly pumping on his cock as he comes in spurts over his stomach, falling apart beautifully. His body clenches tight around Minseok, and he only has to thrust a few more times before his own orgasm hits him, an intense flood of pleasure that he drags out grinding into Lu Han, muffling a moan into Lu Han's chest.

In the aftermath, Minseok slumps down onto his forearms, gasping for breath and feeling Lu Han's chest hitch beneath him. Lu Han's hand (hopefully the clean one) finds Minseok's head, but since his hair is too short to play with, Lu Han just rubs the crown of his head with his thumb. After a moment, he presses a kiss to the top of Minseok's head, making Minseok smile. "You're the best," Lu Han says.

"I am, aren't I?" Lu Han laughs at Minseok's faux smugness but doesn't object.

Neither of them is eager to move, but they do eventually, cleaning up and then going back to bed. Minseok doesn't bother with his robe now, just curls up under the blankets with Lu Han. Lu Han pulls Minseok back into his chest and tangles their legs together, and Minseok pulls the blankets up to their chins. "I love you," Lu Han says, kissing the back of Minseok's neck.

"Mm," Minseok responds, too tired to open his mouth. It's not like Lu Han doesn't know it anyway. Warm and content, he falls asleep in Lu Han's arms.

~

Minseok wakes up in the morning, disoriented. He doesn't know what woke him up until he hears the innkeeper’s voice calling out. It takes another two repetitions before he understands the word. "Rice?" he asks, confused.

Beside him, Lu Han stirs. "Food," he corrects. "A meal."

"I guess breakfast is ready?"

"Oh." Lu Han still sounds half asleep. He makes no move to get up, and that means Minseok can't either, since Lu Han is lying half on top of him.

"Come on." Minseok pokes Lu Han in the back, since that's the easiest place to reach. "We have to get up fast unless you plan to go to breakfast naked."

"What's wrong with that?" Lu Han mumbles.

"I might not mind, but you should try not to traumatize any little old ladies on this trip," Minseok says dryly.

"She might like it," Lu Han mutters. All the same, he reluctantly sits up, leaving Minseok free to get up too. Minseok's clothes are already organized and he can quickly find something to wear, so he's already dressed while Lu Han is still rummaging around in his suitcase. "Can't I go in my robe?"

"Just get dressed already, whiner."

It takes a few more minutes, but eventually, Lu Han manages to find his clothes and stick his limbs in the right holes so that he's reasonably presentable. "All right. Let's go."

The breakfast that's laid out for them in the dining room isn't as enormous as dinner, but still sizable and tasty looking. The innkeeper offers them tea or coffee and they both ask for coffee. "Not quite an americano, but it'll do," Lu Han says.

They take their time eating and drinking their coffee, with nowhere they need to be. In both his idol life and his military service, Minseok got used to gulping down meals as quickly as possible more often than not. It's nice to linger, appreciating the good food and the company. "We're going to get fat in a whole week here." Lu Han doesn't sound at all bothered by the prospect.

"I'll get fat," Minseok corrects. "You don't gain weight because you're a lucky bastard." He frowns a little, being reminded of his impending diet. "I'm already fat."

"No way," Lu Han objects. "You look good. And you'd look cute a little pudgy."

"You've seen my childhood pictures," Minseok points out.

"And? You looked cute." 

Minseok sticks his tongue out at Lu Han, but he doesn't really mind. It's nice to be reminded that Lu Han loves him as he is. He's changed physically and on the inside in the years that they've been together, Lu Han's feelings don't seem to have changed at all.

After breakfast, they return to their room. It was tidied while they were at breakfast, Minseok realizes. "We left the futons," Lu Han says, snickering. "I wonder what she thought."

"We could have just slept next to each other." Whatever the innkeeper thought, he doubts she's going to go post online about it. As long as she keeps her thoughts to herself, it doesn't matter what she thinks of them.

"So, are we going outside today?" Lu Han asks, changing the subject. He goes to the window and lifts the curtains. They're on the second floor with a view of the nearby beach, and all the snow on the ground between them and the ocean. "It looks cold."

"Maybe later," Minseok says. "I'd feel lazy if we don't move around at all."

"We can do some calisthenics," Lu Han says. "Or maybe some other kinds of exercise."

"Are you going to be like this the whole time?" Minseok asks, laughing.

"Would you mind if I was?" Lu Han tosses back. "You can't tell me you went two years without sex and didn't mind at all. Could you even jack off or was that against army rules?"

"You just have to keep it quiet," Minseok says, and doesn't mention how afraid he was to do anything in case someone used it against him. His name was already tainted enough without people having even the flimsiest evidence to use to call him a pervert.

He thoughts he was being subtle, but maybe not, or maybe Lu Han's just good at reading him. He eyes Minseok seriously for a long moment. "How was it really in the army?" he asks. "I had my sources, but I bet you didn't tell them the worst of it. I'm sure you didn't tell me either, when we talked."

Minseok debates his response. He does want to be honest with Lu Han, but it also doesn't feel worth it to rehash the worst of his army experience. It's over and he survived and he's never going back. Why dwell on it? "I survived, didn't I?" he says lightly.

Lu Han's expression immediately tells Minseok he's not going to let it go so easy. "You don't have to tell me everything if you don't want to talk about it. But you shouldn't keep everything to yourself."

Minseok smiles reassuringly. "It wasn't _that_ bad. I mean, there were some tough times, especially at the beginning, but...I expected worse, to tell you the truth."

"You're still avoiding the subject," Lu Han says, bluntly but not harshly.

"Fine. What do you want to know?"

"People knew, right?" Lu Han asks. "About us."

"Everyone in Korea knows about us," Minseok says wryly.

Lu Han grimaces. "True. Did they make a big deal of it?"

"Some people did." Lu Han is obviously not going to drop it until he gets something more substantial, so Minseok continues, "There were some assholes in basic training—one of the lieutenants in charge and some of the other recruits. They said a lot of shitty things and shoved me around a little, but nothing too extreme. The rest of the training group avoided me at first because they didn't want to get dragged into it, but eventually I won some of them over."

"Of course you did," Lu Han says, smiling.

"There was one guy who told me that his little brother is gay and hasn't told else, so that made him more sympathetic."

"Yeah, you mentioned that." Lu Han's still smiling, but his expression turns more thoughtful. "When people are shitty or I get frustrated with things not being like they used to be, I think about kids like that hearing about us and seeing us still out there living our lives. I hope it makes a difference to them."

Minseok nods. "It must, right? I didn't know when I was younger that I was into guys, but if I had, I'm sure I would've wanted to see people like that."

"Yeah. Did I ever tell about the time I had a crush on a guy my first year of high school?"

"You told me about how you had a crush on a _girl_ in high school," Minseok says accusingly. That sounds like a big thing for Lu Han to have never told him.

"That too, but before her, there was a guy," Lu Han says, a little sheepish. "I didn't realize at the time that it was a crush—or if I did, I was in serious denial. He was two years older and on the soccer team and I thought he was so cool, but I figured I just looked up to him."

"You never mentioned that before," Minseok says.

Lu Han shrugs. "I kind of forgot about it. I mean, not about him, because we kind of got to be friends until he graduated, but about the crush part. I thought about it more recently when one of my high school friends brought him up. I was thinking about how much I liked him back then, and...knowing what I know now, I realized it was a crush."

"Cute," Minseok says.

"I'm not cute," Lu Han retorts. He doesn't press the point, instead continuing, "It just makes me wonder if I would have realized it back then if I understood that liking guys was an option."

"You didn't know that?" Minseok asks.

"I knew it was a thing, but not that it was okay, you know? Imagine how different it would be if there were people I could look up to see that." He laughs a little, awkwardly. "Maybe I'm giving us too much credit, but it's nice to imagine, isn't it? That somewhere out there, there's at least one gay kid thinking that it's okay to be himself because we are."

"It is nice."

"Anyway, tell me more," Lu Han says. "Was basic training as bad as people say it is?"

~

They do venture out in the early afternoon to find lunch and maybe attempt to visit the beach. Most of the nearby buildings look to be houses, but they meet the innkeeper’s husband for the first time and he gives them directions they sort of understand to get to a restaurant, or possibly a store. "It's cold," he warns them with a somber nod to emphasize his words.

Minseok is thoroughly bundled up, but the cold wind has him pulling his scarf up over his nose. Even Lu Han has his hands shoved securely in his coat pockets, his shoulders hunched. The directions get them to convenience store, which isn't quite what Minseok had in mind, but he doesn't relish the prospect of walking further into town. "Will this do?" Lu Han asks.

"Yeah." Once they're inside, defrosting in the blasting heat, Minseok says, "Maybe let's leave the beach for tomorrow."

Lu Han laughs. "All right, then. Calisthenics it is today."

They buy prepared meals and some snacks and drinks, then head back to the inn. No one seems to be around, which suits Minseok fine. It's nice to pretend for a while that it's just him and Lu Han, with no one to see or judge them. It's been far too long, short visits home aside, since Minseok felt that he could just be himself with no one judging him.

They pass a pleasant afternoon in their room, eating their convenience store food and drinking their convenience store coffee, talking and laughing together. In the middle of the afternoon, Lu Han announces that it's calisthenics time. Minseok (quite reasonably, he thinks) looks at him like he's crazy, but when Lu Han insists, he gets up and joins him in doing some jumping jacks and push ups and whatever else Lu Han decides they should do. 

"I feel like I'm in the army again," Minseok says, but he never laughed so much while exercising in the army. (He also had to do a lot more than this both in the army and in SM.)

~

On their second full day, they explore the beach, which is cold, windy and deserted, but beautiful in a way. "I guess no one goes to the beach in the winter," Lu Han says.

"I can understand why." 

Lu Han laughs at Minseok, who's bouncing on the balls of his feet to keep warm. "Do you want to go?"

"We can stay for a bit," Minseok says. Despite the cold, it is a pretty view, and he likes being out here all alone, feeling like they're the only ones in the world. Considering how the world has treated them, it's nice to imagine there being no one out there to look at and judge them.

On the third day, it snows all morning, but they go out in the afternoon and play in the snow like a couple of kids, throwing snowballs and pushing each other into fresh snowdrifts until they're covered in snow. They're soaked and shivering by the time they go back inside, apologizing for dripping melting snow everywhere. In their room, they hang their clothes to dry in front of the heater and take a long, hot bath until they defrost.

It snows again on the fourth day and continues all day long, so they stay inside all day, eating a very unhealthy lunch of leftover convenience store snacks. The snow is still thick on the ground the following morning, but they decide to make the trek to the center of town on foot. It's something of an ordeal, but the kind of that will make a good story once it's over. When they reach their destination, they stop for lunch at a small restaurant. It's busy, but most of the clientele is older, probably retirees. There's one table of younger people in suits, but they give no indication that they've even noticed Lu Han and Minseok's presence, let alone recognized them.

The next day is their last full day, and although Minseok can already feel the impending parting hanging over them, he doesn't mention it and neither does Lu Han. They talk and laugh like they have every other day, going to the convenience store and then briefly to the beach before returning to the inn for dinner. Aside from a middle-aged couple on Saturday night, they've been the only ones here every night. It feels a little strange, but it's nice to have the quiet and relative privacy.

They have sex right after dinner, then sit together under the blankets. The awareness of their looming goodbye is stronger now, and Lu Han holds onto Minseok like that'll keep them from having to leave. "Do you know yet what you're going to do after this?" Lu Han asks. They talked a little about the future on the phone last week, but they've avoided the topic in person.

"I guess the first step is to see whether people noticed that we went on this trip together and how much they're freaking out about it," Minseok says. They also have avoided the internet, except to talk to friends and family, so he doesn't know if gossip about their trip has spread. "I have a meeting at SM next week to talk about things."

"Do you think they'll let you come back?" Lu Han only pauses for a second before adding, "Do you want to come back?"

Minseok sighs. That question is another thing he's been avoiding, less because he doesn't know his answer as because he's afraid of being disappointed. "I do, if I can. If I can't, I'll figure something out, but I'd really like to try. But I don't know what SM thinks or what EXO thinks. I don't know if the fans will accept me back."

Lu Han tries to play with Minseok's hair again before remembering that he can't. He rests his hand on Minseok's shoulder instead, tapping his fingers there. "You know, right after those pictures came out, when things were at their worst and all my work just dried up, I was really worried that that was it. That once I finished filming, I'd never work as an idol again, or even be able to get a regular job if I decided I wanted one. Some people might like to not work and just enjoy living off what they have, if they could, but I don't think I could ever be happy like that, or at least not yet."

Minseok nods and doesn't interrupt. Lu Han continues, "As you know, I was pretty stuck for a while, but...then the first new offer finally came and I realized my career wasn't over after all. It was a variety show appearance, and I was so nervous when it came out, but then I went online and there were people excited that I was back. Also lots of people who weren't, but it turned out I did have enough fans left to keep working. It's nowhere like before, but I have steady work, and it's good."

"I'm glad," Minseok says. He already knew that Lu Han was working again, and knew that he was worried before, but they haven't talked about it so clearly like this. He's happy for Lu Han, who he also thinks wouldn't be happy without some kind of work to keep him busy.

"Anyway, what I'm saying is that you should have hope. There are people who will never accept you now, but there are people who will too. I know Korea is different, and obviously you have to convince SM, but I think you have a chance."

"Thanks." Minseok smiles. "And if it doesn't work out, maybe I'll move to China and mooch off my rich boyfriend."

Lu Han laughs loudly. "You're welcome to be my kept man any time. I'd take very good care of you."

He would, but Minseok also doesn't think he'd be happy without work. If EXO won't have him back, either based on their own choice or SM's, he'll figure out something else. For now, though, as Lu Han said, he's going to hope.

~

They wake up early on the last morning. Lu Han, who is less of a morning person than Minseok, grumbles and pulls the blankets over his head, but gets up as soon as he hears Minseok making tea. (There's no coffee in their room, but tea will do in a pinch.) "You want to waste time drinking tea?" he asks groggily.

"I was just waiting for you." Minseok turns off the electric kettle and goes over to Lu Han. "We have an hour or so if we want to shower before breakfast. Any ideas on how we should spend that time if we're not drinking tea?" He smiles innocently at Lu Han.

Lu Han isn't awake enough for games yet, judging by the way he blinks at Minseok for a few seconds and then says, "I'd like to spend it fucking you."

Minseok blinks right back at him, not expecting quite so straightforward of an answer, but then he grins. "That works for me."

They're up early specifically so they don't have to rush, so Minseok drags Lu Han back to bed and kisses him awake. It takes a few minutes of that for Lu Han's sluggishness to fully disappear, though he's by no means unenthusiastic before. He's in an aggressive mood today, taking control of the kiss and rolling on top of Minseok, grinding down until they both start getting hard. "You can take your time," Minseok reminds him.

"I will," Lu Han says, even as he grinds down again.

He doesn't let up until they're both pretty hard, finally rolling off of Minseok. "How do you want to do this?" Minseok asks, content to leave things up to Lu Han today.

He lies on his back while Lu Han preps him, holding his legs up to his chest. Lu Han goes more slowly now, but still not like he does when he wants to tease. He's clearly eager, and that's all right because Minseok is too. He wriggles around to grind onto Lu Han's fingers, getting them where he wants them, sighing with pleasure when he gets the angle just right. 

"I could watch you like this all day," Lu Han says. "Naked and fucking yourself on my fingers like you can't get enough."

"I definitely would—" Minseok has to break off to swallow a moan as Lu Han adds a third finger. "I definitely would not last all day." Another pause to gasp for breath. "But feel free to imagine it."

Lu Han's laugh is low and rough. "Oh, I will." He goes back to focusing on his work, continuing for just a little longer until Minseok is breathless and his cock is rock hard and leaking on his stomach. A reflexive whine escapes him when Lu Han pulls his fingers away, and Lu Han smirks, pleased with the reaction. "Get up," he says, offering his clean hand to Minseok to help. 

He pulls too hard and Minseok tips forward into his arms, laughing. "Is that where you wanted me?"

Lu Han laughs too. "I don't mind, but not quite." He uses his hands on Minseok's shoulders to turn him around, so he's sitting in Lu Han's lap with his back to Lu Han. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," Minseok answers without hesitation. He gets up on his knees to position himself better, scooting back and waiting while Lu Han lines himself up. He rubs the head of his cock around a bit, making Minseok shudder and Lu Han moan outright. "Let me feel you," Minseok murmurs, knowing Lu Han won't be able to resist. Sure enough, a moment later, Lu Han wraps an arm around Minseok's waist to pull him down and thrusts up into him, making them both moan.

Minseok rocks up and down a few times, but then he stretches his legs out, leaving the work to Lu Han. Lu Han keeps one arm wrapped around him as he thrusts upward again and again, hard and fast. It's hard work for him at this angle, but he doesn't falter, keeping up a steady pace that has Minseok's body buzzing and also screaming for more. Minseok bites back a moan when he experimentally touches himself, and Lu Han doesn't even try, groaning right by Minseok's ear at the clench of his muscles around him.

On and on they go, until suddenly Lu Han moans out, "Fuck," his thrusts stuttering and then stopping. He goes still, buried deep, and Minseok groans because he's close but not there yet. "I got you," Lu Han murmurs. He lifts Minseok off of him and says, "Lie down," as he hastily ties off the condom. 

Minseok doesn't argue, lying back. He could finish himself pretty quickly, but he waits for Lu Han to kneel between his legs, wasting no time in taking Minseok's erection into his mouth. He also slips two fingers into his ass, curling against his prostate, and the combination has Minseok coming in what feels like a matter of seconds, writhing around as the double stimulation drowns him in heady pleasure. Lu Han backs off slowly, waiting until Minseok goes still to slowly pull off his cock and then even more slowly drag his fingers out.

Lu Han sits up, licking his lips, and smiles at Minseok. "Good?" he asks, endearingly in between smug and hopeful.

Minseok smiles back. "Good," he confirms, "though we could have slept an extra..." He checks the clock. "An extra twenty-five minutes if that's all you wanted to do."

Lu Han makes a face. "There's always more I want to do. But this way we can take a bath. And maybe fit in a little more later."

Minseok laughs as he gets up and heads for the bathroom. "Not until after breakfast, at least."

Their last breakfast is as delicious as the first, and gone far too quickly. What it would be like, Minseok thinks, to have breakfast with Lu Han every morning? To stumble to the kitchen in their pyjamas and drink their coffee together until they wake up enough to talk? Realistically, considering what it was like when they lived together as part of EXO, Minseok would wake up early and be done eating before Lu Han even rolled out of bed, but it's a nice dream all the same. Even if it was more realistic, it seems likely that it would stay a dream for the foreseeable future.

They have a enough time between breakfast and leaving for a quick exchange of blowjobs that ends in them sprawled out on the unmade futons, half in and half out of their clothes, flushed and happy. "Have you had enough that you won't miss me for a while?" Minseok jokes.

"Never." Lu Han's smile wavers, and Minseok's heart squeezes unpleasantly. He asked a lot of patience and self-denial of Lu Han over the last two years, as Lu Han did to him when he left EXO and as they both had to do after their relationship was revealed. It's been too many years of being apart too much, and here they are planning on more of the same, with no end in sight.

Maybe something shows on Minseok's face, or maybe the silence just stretches out too long, because Lu Han's expression turns serious. "Minseok, it's okay. I don't...I wasn't trying to say anything."

"I know," Minseok says. Lu Han whines, but Minseok has no doubt that when Lu Han misses him most, when he has the hardest time coping with their separation, he keeps it to himself. He would never deliberately make Minseok feel guilty, or make him sad. "It's not going to be like this forever," he says with more conviction than he feels. "A few days here, an afternoon there, a week when we're really lucky. I don't know how it'll happen yet, but we're going to make this work."

"We will," Lu Han agrees. "I just...I hate when I can't touch you. Not even sex—well, I definitely do miss the sex a lot, but it's not just that." He wraps his arms around Minseok and pulls him close, making his point better than his words can. "I love you, and I'm happy being with you. I just wish it could be easier."

"Me too." Minseok doesn't know what to say, because nothing he can say will change the situation.

"Just remember what you said," Lu Han tells him. "We'll make this work someday, not just well enough to get by, but really work." He pulls back to give Minseok a kiss and a reassuring smile, as though Minseok was the one to bring this up. "Until then, I'll try my best not to miss you."

~

Minseok says goodbye to Lu Han in Kanazawa Station with a hug and a promise to talk soon, nothing that would look untoward if anyone is paying attention to them. Strangely, he doesn't feel down now. It may be a while until he sees Lu Han in person again, but it won't be two years. He'll find a way to make it happen as soon as possible, and with that in mind, it doesn't feel like goodbye so much as "See you soon."

It was nice to spend a week with Lu Han, ignoring the world and all the complications of their lives, but reality is waiting for Minseok at Incheon in the form of fans who found out his flight schedule somehow or another. Some of them do appear to be his fans, holding signs with his name and yelling, "Welcome back!" Some, on the other hand, are clearly not, yelling things like, "Go back to China! We don't want you here." (Did they think that's where he was or is it just a comment on him being with Lu Han?)

It's only a small group, but Minseok is alone, without the buffer of guards or other EXO members or anyone. Some of the people (anti-fans, he thinks, or at least not his fans) start to come toward him and he braces for the worst, but two girls with "Xiumin" signs block their way. There's only two of them and they're not big, but it provides enough of a distraction for Minseok to hurry past and get lost in the crowd outside the arrivals gate. It leaves him with mixed emotions, uncomfortable at the anger but relieved and pleased to see that there are people who are happy to see him, and who are willing to stand up for him. As long as some people want him back, that's what matters, isn't it?

~

After three days at his parents, Minseok ventures into Seoul for his meeting at SM. He's not sure what to expect, but in the end, he finds himself led into a room where only EXO's manager is waiting for him. He looks very serious when Minseok comes in and greets him with a polite bow. Minseok tries not to read too much into it; SM meetings are often serious. Besides, while it will be a definite blow if they tell him he can't come back, he'll deal with it. He's almost in his thirties now, not some fresh-faced trainee feeling like the world will end if he doesn't get to debut. He's learned by now that life goes on after all kinds of shocks.

"I'll be honest and tell you that there's been a lot of debate about what to do with you," EXO's manager says once they settle in. "But before we get into that, I want to know what you've decided. Do you want to return to EXO?"

"I'll understand if it's not possible," Minseok says delicately, "but if it is an option, I would like to do it. I've thought about it a lot and if I can still be an idol, I don't want to give up on it yet."

"Understand that if you do come back, we'll expect a commitment," the manager says. "You're still under contract, and besides, it would be a major inconvenience to the other members if you come back only to leave in a year."

"I understand." In less than two years, Junmyeon won't be able to put off going to the army any longer, and the next three members will need to go before he's done, so EXO's future is already uncertain, but Minseok isn't going to add to that. They've had enough shake-ups already.

"As I said, there's been a lot of debate, both within the group and at higher levels. The members have agreed that they'll accept you back if that's what the company decides, and more of them want you back than don't, but it's not unanimous." That's not pleasant to hear, but Minseok appreciates the honesty. He doesn't need things sugarcoated. "It's not unanimous at the higher levels either, but in the end, even after the fuss you caused by going on vacation with Lu Han, we've agreed to let you come back."

Minseok was expecting more equivocating before he got his answer, so it takes a second for the words to sink in. "I...really?"

Now the manager smiles. "Really. And I hope you know that I supported allowing you to return to EXO."

"Thank you." That's not a big surprise, but it is gratifying to know that after all the trouble Minseok caused him, their manager still supports him.

"You've missed a lot in two years, obviously. What we intend to do is have you spend about a month catching up on songs and choreography and getting back into performing shape. During that time, we will be keeping your return quiet, just in case, but I don't anticipate any change in the plan unless something big changes in your situation." He gives Minseok a look that warns him to make sure that doesn't happen, and Minseok nods.

"So that it's not obvious what you're doing, we won't put you in the EXO dorm until you're officially back. We can find you a room in the trainee dorms in the interim, or you're welcome to commute if you prefer."

"The dorms would be good." It'll be strange living with all the trainees at his age and level of seniority, but Minseok expects he'll be working very hard, and he doesn't want to worry about traveling at all hours of the day and night.

"All right, then. We'll work out the details, but..." The manager smiles. "Welcome back."

~

Going back to being an idol is harder than Minseok anticipated. While the army kept him in good shape during his time away, the activity he did there was very different from dancing. On his first day back learning new EXO choreography, he realizes just how many muscles he hasn't been using the way he used to. He's approaching thirty and while he's hardly old, his body doesn't work as well as it used to, but this is more than that, twinges in all kinds of strange places as his body informs him that he needs to ease into this.

There's no time to ease into it, though. A month seems like a long time, but EXO has released a lot of new songs in the last two years, and he also needs to review old choreography that he hasn't done in what feels like forever. Minseok was always a capable dancer, able to learn quickly, but his mind is rusty too, taking longer than it should to dredge up the right dance moves in response to verbal instructions.

When he isn't dancing, he's singing, and he's even rustier there, since he didn't have much opportunity for singing in the army. He dutifully works to retrain his voice, and learns the melodies of EXO's songs and the words in multiple languages. He likes to sing, and he enjoys some of the new songs a lot, but it's frustrating to feel like he's backslid a lot. He's determined and he'll do his best to improve, but it's a challenge.

He's on his third day of retraining, in the middle of a dance practice and sweating like a pig when the door opens. Minseok's in the middle of a spin and he does a rather dramatic stop facing the doorway. There's a snicker from the doorway, and then Jongdae comes in, followed by Baekhyun and Sehun. "May we interrupt for a moment?" Jongdae asks the dance teacher Minseok is working with. 

He gestures for them to go ahead and tells Minseok, "I'll be back in ten."

The second the door closes (though there's no particular reason to wait), Jongdae hurries over and pulls Minseok into a hug. "Welcome back, hyung."

_Well, at least I know who wasn't against me coming back,_ Minseok thinks, patting Jongdae's back. He's gratified but not surprised by any of the three.

"Welcome back," Baekhyun echoes, and Sehun gives Minseok a hug once Jongdae lets go, in that way he has where he pretends he doesn't care as much as he does. He makes a face when he lets go, presumably at how sweaty Minseok is, and they all laugh.

"It's good to see you," Minseok says. He met up with Jongdae once during his army service, but not any of the other members. It was deemed better for him to stay away, to avoid attracting attention to himself or reminding people of his association with EXO before they were ready for it. "How are things?"

They ramble at him for a while about the concert tour EXO just finished and the new song they've started working on, which will be promoted once Minseok's back. Then, Baekhyun asks, "So you're really coming back?"

"That's the plan," Minseok says, "as long as nothing happens."

"Just say yes," Sehun grumbles. 

"Fine, yes, I am." Minseok makes a face at Sehun like it's ten years ago when they were just a couple of trainees.

"Good," Jongdae says. "We'll be happy to have you." There's no doubt in his words, but Minseok is going to have to ask him sooner or later about the discussion over his return, so he doesn't have to wonder. "How is it getting back into the swing of things?"

"I've learned so many lyrics and so much choreography I don't think there's any more room in my brain," Minseok says dryly. "But I'll get it. I have a month to catch up."

"You'll do fine," Baekhyun says dismissively. "In a few weeks, you'll be putting us to shame with your dancing when we've been doing this choreography for months."

"Speak for yourself," Sehun mutters, but he can't hide a smile.

"We should be getting back to our practicing," Jongdae says, "but we'll see you soon. When are you coming back to the dorm?"

"Only when I'm officially back. But you can come visit if you want."

"To the trainee dorms?" Sehun wrinkles his nose and Minseok laughs at him.

"Are you too good for me and my trainee dorm room now?" he teases.

"I guess I could come," Sehun says, smiling again.

"It was good to see you, hyung," Baekhyun says.

~

Sehun does come visit him, along with Junmyeon, who to all appearances is also happy to have Minseok back. (Junmyeon's authority as EXO's leader is very limited, but somehow Minseok doesn't think he'd be back if Junmyeon was strongly against it.) Jongdae comes alone another day, sitting on the floor and smiling up at Minseok.

"I'm really glad you're back, hyung. I missed you." He hesitates only slightly before continuing, "You know, you get used to people being gone, even if it seems impossible at first. I did kind of get used to you being gone, but we were together since the beginning. EXO without you just didn't feel right, no matter how much time passed."

"I wouldn't feel insulted if you did get over me being gone," Minseok says, but it feels good to hear Jongdae say that. "Say, Jongdae, can I ask...I heard there was a lot of debate about me coming back..."

"You want to know who didn't want you here?" Jongdae asks soberly. Minseok nods. "Are you sure about that? You're here anyway, and it might just make things awkward."

"I won't blame anyone for feeling that way," Minseok says. "I just want to know so I don't have to wonder and then move past it."

"All right. As you can guess, everyone who's come to see you was in favor of you rejoining. Yixing-hyung too, which shouldn't surprise you."

He hesitates again, so Minseok prompts, "And the rest?"

"Chanyeol said he told you before you left that this had gone on long enough, and he stands by that. Jongin also said that we're doing well now as we are and he doesn't want to risk messing with that, even for you. I think his dating scandal really shook him up, and he's scared to deal with that kind of thing again. And Kyungsoo didn't have such a strong opinion, but you know he's always had a hard time dealing with the intense fans and anti-fans, and he's just had enough of the drama with members leaving and everything. It's nothing against you, but he doesn't want to deal with the backlash that I'm sure there's going to be, at least at first."

Minseok nods, letting Jongdae's words sink in. He's not really surprised by this either, and he understands that it's not personal, but it's still hard to hear that three out of eight current members don't want him back enough to deal with the inevitable fallout.

"It's really not anything to do with you, hyung," Jongdae assures him. "But we've had three and a half member leaving scandals and three dating scandals, one of them huge. Scandals are part of the idol life, but that's a lot."

"I know," Minseok says. "I understand. I just hope it won't be awkward."

"They all said they'll accept management's decision," Jongdae says. "It probably will be awkward at first, but they'll get past it. They do all like you, and I think once you're back, they'll focus on that instead of on the drama potential."

"I hope so," Minseok says.

Jongdae smiles and leaves it at that. Instead, he changes the subject, "So how was your trip with Lu Han-hyung? You managed to stay impressively under the radar."

"Because we were in the middle of nowhere buried in snow."

Jongdae laughs. "I'm not sure how overdramatic you're being."

"Just a little." Minseok tells Jongdae about the snow and the beach and the little old lady who ran the inn and the delicious dinners and breakfasts. 

"I'm glad you had fun," Jongdae says. "Did you want to stay?"

Minseok smiles even though the question also makes him sad. "I'll admit I was a bit tempted, but I wouldn't be happy hiding away from everything, and neither would Lu Han. Only if we had no other choice."

"And you do have choices," Jongdae says firmly. "So you're going to work hard and show everyone that bringing you back was a good choice, right? I know you can do it."

"I will." It's hard to be doubted by the people he has to work with, people he considers friends, but he's been doubted before, as an idol and as a trainee and just as a person, before he was anyone. He'll have to do what he's always done and smile and work hard and hope that's enough.

~

Only two days before Minseok's month of training is up, EXO's manager comes to see him. "You've done well," he says. "There have been whispers online about whether you're coming back to EXO and not everyone is happy about it, of course, but there's enough of a positive response that you will definitely be returning. We'll make the announcement tomorrow and get you moved into EXO's dorm the next day."

Minseok's been acting under the assumption that he would go back, not wanting to doubt why he's been working so hard, but it's still a relief to hear that it's really decided. Once they make the announcement, SM will be invested in keeping him in EXO, and his future—at least for the next couple of years—will be much more secure. "Thank you," he says.

"EXO's is working on choreography for their new song, and you'll be joining them today—quietly, of course. We'll get you in for recording today or tomorrow too. MV recording was already scheduled for next week, so you'll join in for that and be ready to be part of promotions. Even with this month of work, you'll probably still be playing catch up for a while, but I have every confidence that you'll do fine."

Not an hour later, Minseok finds himself walking into a practice room for his first EXO work in over two years. The members he's already spoken to since returning to SM greet him enthusiastically, but there are some shifty eyes from Kyungsoo and Jongin and a wry, apologetic smile from Chanyeol. Minseok greets them all politely, as though it's his first day at a brand new job, which earns him laughter as half of the other members reflexively bow in response, not knowing how to deal with Minseok being so polite to them.

There's no time to feel awkward or nervous because they get right to work. Minseok learned the basics of this choreography but not the blocking, and the rest of EXO learned it without a space for him in the formation, so they have to rearrange now. As usual, Minseok finds himself running from side to side, making the already intense choreography that much more tiring. There's no room for anything in his head except dance moves and positions and counts, and that suits him just fine. He's always preferred to throw himself into work without overthinking it.

He works with EXO for a few packed hours and then they go on to some other schedule while Minseok goes to get ready to record his part in EXO's new song tomorrow. His part is small, only the chorus and one solo line, but that's okay. He's used to not being in the spotlight, and that's probably for the best right now. He doesn't want anyone to be angry with him for stealing attention from their favorite member as soon as he comes back.

It's late by the time he returns to spend his last night in his tiny single room in the trainee dorms. He has a few messages from Lu Han over the course of the day that he didn't have the time or energy to reply to, so now he calls Lu Han instead. "Hi," Lu Han says when he answers promptly. "Been busy today?"

"No, I just don't like you," Minseok tosses back.

Lu Han just laughs. "I see."

"I got some good news today." Minseok doesn't want to spend time joking when he's eager to share his success with Lu Han.

"Yeah?"

"I'm officially coming back now," Minseok tells him.

"I thought you already were," Lu Han says.

"They still left the door open on changing their minds," Minseok explains, "but I practiced with EXO—the rest of EXO—today, and tomorrow there'll be an announcement that I'm back. Then it'll really be set."

"That's great!" Somehow the excitement in Lu Han's voice makes Minseok feel that much better about his accomplishment. "When do you start really doing stuff?"

"I'm moving back into the dorm tomorrow and doing recording so I can participate in the next round of promotions. I'm not sure when that'll be, but we're filming the MV next week."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you on my TV again," Lu Han says. "Being all sexy and cute."

"I'll make sure to look extra sexy for you," Minseok jokes. "It's not really a cute song, though."

"You always look cute anyway," Lu Han says. "But still sexy."

"Thank you," Minseok says dryly. Lu Han laughs awkwardly in response, and that makes Minseok smile.

 

 

(Minseok comes back, EXO does stuff, yay.)

 

 

(I never figured out the details, but EXO decides to break up/SM decides to break them up for some reason, probably before Junmyeon has to go to the army and then all the other Korean members after him. The details aren't important, anyway.)

 

 

The atmosphere in the EXO dorms is strained after the discussion of their (lack of) future, so it's no surprise that most of the members decide to spend their evening off elsewhere. Yixing goes to take a nap, and Minseok is the only other one who stays home, puttering around cleaning and otherwise distracting himself. Yixing gets up after only half an hour, yawning and stretching as he walks out into the living room. "Do you want to order something for dinner?" he asks.

They decide on food and place their order and then sit on the couch to wait. "I wanted to talk to you about something," Yixing says without preamble. He sounds serious, but Yixing often sounds serious, so it could be about any number of things. "You know that new training program SM is setting up in Beijing?"

"The one you were talking about helping out with?" Yixing has mentioned it a few times when his plans for the future came up. He wants to continue working as an idol in China but also help with training future idols.

Yixing nods. "I've been talking to some of the management involved in setting it up, and...this is just a casual offer, no pressure, but we talked about the possibility of you working there."

"What?" The offer comes out of nowhere for Minseok, though perhaps he should have guessed.

"Since you mentioned you weren't sure about continuing with solo work, I thought maybe you would be interested in a different direction, and the opportunity to live in Beijing."

It's obvious why Yixing thought this was something Minseok would want, and in that respect, it would be amazing. Actually living in the same city as Lu Han for the first time in six years (and counting), being able to see him every single day. On the other hand, the prospect of living in China long-term is very out of Minseok's comfort zone, and while he very much loves Lu Han, that's a lot to compensate for.

"I should add that it's not just about the location," Yixing continues when Minseok doesn't say anything. "I do think you would make a good teacher. You're talented in a lot of areas, and a lot of hoobaes—and even the younger EXO members—really like you and look up to you. You're the kind of teacher I would've liked to have as a trainee, firm but kind."

"How will I even talk to the trainees?" Minseok asks. "My Chinese is terrible."

Yixing smiles and doesn't dispute that. "There's no better way to learn a language than to live in the country, especially if your boyfriend happens to speak the language."

"My boyfriend also speaks Korean much better than I speak Chinese," Minseok reminds him.

"I'm sure he could be convinced to switch languages if you were serious about improving," Yixing tells him. "I would too. But anyway, the trainees are also going to be studying Korean, since they'll work with Korean choreographers and directors and possibly working in Korea, or at least doing concerts here. It would be good for them to have to communicate in the language outside of their classes."

"So they can't be lazy about it like me," Minseok says dryly. "Have you said anything to Lu Han about it?"

Yixing shakes his head. "I thought I should let you tell him if you decide this is something you want to do. I'm sure he'd be thrilled if you decide to do it, but you shouldn't feel pressured. You won't do either of you a favor by doing it out of obligation."

"I know." Minseok stops to think about it. "You really think I'd be good at it?"

"Absolutely," Yixing answers without hesitation, "even with the language barrier. I remember how good you were with Zitao in the beginning, even though it was hard to communicate sometimes. Me too." Yixing smiles reassuringly. "I can put you in touch with the management if you want to find out more before committing, but I think you should consider it."

"I will," Minseok says. "Thank you." The prospect makes him nervous for a lot of reasons, but it could be a really good opportunity for other reasons. He should at least give it the consideration it deserves.

~

Minseok, along with Yixing, meets with the managers and trainers involved in setting up the program a few days later. It surprises him somehow to find that they're enthusiastic about the prospect of him joining, but it does help make him feel a little more like this is really something he could do. They agree to let him think about it but encourage him to give them an answer soon, so they can start the process of getting him an appropriate visa and figuring out housing and so on.

Late that night when he finally finishes working, he calls Lu Han, who is unsurprisingly still awake. "How's it going?" Lu Han asks brightly, always enthusiastic about talking to him.

Minseok tells him about the preparation for EXO's last concert tour and a little about how the different members' plans for the future and finally asks, "Did Yixing tell you about the training program in China that he's planning to work on?"

"In Beijing? Yeah, we talked about it a little. He's excited about it." Lu Han's tone betrays his ambivalence about the topic, which Minseok can understand; his experience as a Chinese idol with SM was mixed. Yixing's has been too, but Yixing is unfailingly loyal, whether he should be or not. "It's an interesting idea, keeping Chinese trainees closer to home and actually having them work mostly in China."

"Yeah." Minseok hasn't thought that much about that aspect of it, focused on his own potential involvement.

"Why do you ask?"

There's no reason to feel anxious about telling Lu Han—and Minseok doesn't, exactly, but it does feel like a big decision anyway, even though he hasn't committed to anything yet. Once Lu Han knows, it'll be harder to say no. He won't deliberately put pressure on Minseok, but Minseok won't want to disappoint him, no matter how much he says it's okay. Still, he wants to discuss it with Lu Han before he makes a decision, so he'll have to do it.

"Yixing suggested to the people in charge of the program that they offer me a job teaching there."

"What?" Lu Han sounds totally shocked. "Wait, really? You mean coming here to teach?" The shock is quickly fading and now he sounds excited.

"Yeah."

"Wow. You living in Beijing..."

"I can't believe I'm actually considering voluntarily moving to China," Minseok says wryly. "No offense to your country, but then I have to speak Chinese."

Lu Han laughs. "I'll help you. And so will Yixing, and I'm sure SM will help with the administrative stuff." Then, sobering, he adds, "That is, if you really want to come."

"I..." Minseok shakes his head, although Lu Han can't see it. "I don't know. I've been thinking about it a lot, but I wanted to talk to you before I commit."

"Did you think I'd tell you not to do it?" Lu Han asks dryly.

"Of course not. I just wanted to talk about it."

There's silence for a few moments and then Lu Han says, "I'll understand if you decide not to do it. I know moving to another country is hard, and I like learning languages a lot more than you do. But it would be great to have you here. Really great. And I think you'd make a good teacher."

"You don't think anyone's going to mind about my history?" He hasn't talked to Yixing or the other people involved about that, but he has been thinking about it. The buzz about him and Lu Han has died down to quiet background noise, but him moving to Beijing and spending a lot of time with Lu Han will definitely kick it up again. Will trainees or their parents take issue with him teaching them?

"You mean about us?" Lu Han asks. "SM wouldn't have asked you if they thought it would be a big problem. I'm sure there'll be some objections, but you'll be fine. You've dealt with a lot worse." He's right, probably. It's not nothing, but Minseok has dealt with the backlash against him dating Lu Han as an idol and as a soldier. At least as a teacher, he'll be in a position of authority and less of an easy target.

"I think..." Minseok pauses, weighing his words. "I don't know how it'll go. And even if it does go well, this is a trial program and my part in it would only be set until my contract ends. But I think I have to try. I can't pass up the opportunity. Plus, you know, maybe I'll find out this is something I'm good at and want to keep doing. It's either that or plod along until the end of my contract with whatever solo work SM will find me, and I don't want to do that."

"So you'll come?" Lu Han can't, or maybe just doesn't try to hide his excitement.

"It depends on everything going well with the establishment of the program and on me getting a visa and everything, and SM not changing their mind about letting me do this, but...I'll tell them yes, so keep your fingers crossed about everything else."

He wishes he did a video call so he could see how happy Lu Han looks right now, but he can hear a lot of it in his voice. "I will. It'll work out, just you wait."

 

 

(Minseok gets the job and decides to move and off he goes to China.)

 

 

Yixing meets him at the airport, along with an SM recruited driver. When Minseok arrives, he's signing autographs, politely talking to the fans clustered around him. The fans look up when Minseok approaches and start whispering. He can't hear clearly, even if he could understand it all, but he catches "who" and "Xiumin" and "EXO," so it's obviously about him. "Hyung!" Yixing explains. He excuses himself from the group of fans and hurries over, giving Minseok a hug.

The fans either don't care about Minseok or just don't feel comfortable approaching him, because they don't bother him as he and Yixing and the driver gather his bags and head out. They take him to the apartment that SM arranged for him, and Minseok stares out the window. He's been in Beijing a number of times for EXO activities, but it feels different now to look at the surroundings and realize that he lives here now, and will for the foreseeable future. The thought is intimidating but also exciting because he'll _finally_ be with Lu Han again.

The apartment is small but serviceable, especially given that Minseok suspects he won't be spending all that much time here. Lu Han's apartment is much nicer, and he's going to want to be with Minseok as much as he can. "You've got today to get set up, and we'll give you the work orientation tomorrow," Yixing tells him. "Want me to help you unpack? Or just keep you company if you don't want me messing with your stuff."

Minseok smiles sheepishly; Yixing knows him well. "Sure." He checks around the apartment, cleaning anything that doesn't meet his standards, and then unpacks his things while chatting with Yixing. It doesn't take very long. He's going to have more things sent to him once he's settled in, and go shopping for the things it wasn't worth bringing from Korea.

When he's done, Yixing says, "You're welcome to stay here and relax, but I thought you might want to go visit Lu Han. He should be done with work right now."

"Yeah, he told me," Minseok says.

Yixing laughs. "He nagged me to bring you over too. He's a little impatient."

"No one is surprised." Minseok smiles wryly, but he doesn't mind. He's impatient to see Lu Han too. "Let me just get some stuff together."

He gathers some things in case he decides to spend the night, then heads over. Traffic makes the drive take forever, and Minseok's excitement builds as they go. This feels different from the other times they've met recently, knowing that he can stay the night, and he can see Lu Han again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. It's hard to believe that, but it starts to feel a little more real the closer he gets to Lu Han's apartment.

Finally, they arrive. Yixing comes up with Minseok to say hi, but Lu Han ignores him, beaming at Minseok and catching him in a tight hug as soon as the door is closed. "You're here," he mumbles into Minseok's hair.

"I am." Here and going to stay here, hard as that is to believe.

Lu Han pulls back to give Minseok a kiss, rather more enthusiastic than Minseok thinks they need to do in front of Yixing. Minseok lets him for a few seconds and then pulls away. "Later," he says, dropping a kiss on Lu Han's cheek and pulling out of his arms.

"Nice to see you too," Yixing says wryly when Lu Han finally turns to look at him.

"No offense, but I just saw you two days ago," Lu Han says. "And I don't want to kiss you."

"Good." Yixing laughs. "Should I leave you two alone?"

"Stay for dinner," Minseok tells him. He's excited to spend time with Lu Han, but he hasn't spent time with Lu Han and any of their mutual friends in such a long time. It feels like old times, though they're older and their lives are very different than they were when he, Lu Han and Yixing regularly spent time together.

"Do you mind, Lu-ge?" Yixing asks.

"I guess," Lu Han says without much enthusiasm, but he's smiling.

They order delivery and sit together, eating and talking and laughing like the years haven't passed, and Minseok feels happy. He's nervous about adjusting to life in Beijing, but he has friends here, and that makes the prospect much less intimidating than it would otherwise be. Yixing leaves after they finish eating, telling Minseok that they'll pick him up at his apartment in the morning "or here if you prefer."

"Was I rude?" Lu Han asks wryly.

Minseok laughs and pats him on the back. "Yixing is used to you. He won't mind."

"Good. Now that we're alone..." His smile is so bright, so unreservedly happy. Minseok feels like moving to Beijing was worth it just to see Lu Han like this again.

"I'm very proud of you for waiting until Yixing left to jump me," Minseok says.

Lu Han doesn't even respond, just kisses him hard. It's been a while since the last time they were together, a lot less than two years, but still far too long, and Minseok is just as eager to kiss Lu Han back. They stumble over to Lu Han's bed, pausing only to lose their clothes as quickly as they can before falling onto it. Lu Han's muscles have long since returned to their pre-scandal state, now that he's busy with things other than working out, but Minseok likes the flat planes of his body, the sharp contrast between his relatively thin upper body and his well-muscled legs.

They're a bit fumbling at first, too impatient after so long, but then Minseok pushes Lu Han away with a hand on his chest and takes a moment to catch his breath. "Slow down," he explains when Lu Han looks somewhat offended at the interruption. "We have time."

Now Lu Han smiles. "We do, don't we?" He does as Minseok says, kissing more slowly as their bodies twine together. They continue at that pace, slow and relaxed, until finally Minseok pushes into Lu Han and he whines, "Hurry."

Other times, Minseok felt like he had to rush but also take it slow to make it last, to make up for all the time he couldn't spend with Lu Han, but now it doesn't matter. Now he can go fast or slow, whatever they want, without thinking about how long it'll be until the next time. With that in mind, he gives in to Lu Han without teasing, snapping his hips and enjoying every moan his movements pull from Lu Han. "Fuck, I missed you," Lu Han groans after a while. Then, almost immediately, "I love you."

Minseok laughs breathlessly and doesn't try to respond, as if he needs to. Instead, he moves just a bit faster, until Lu Han is too far gone to even try to talk. He's flushed and writhing and so beautiful it still catches Minseok off guard after all this time. He can't hold onto the thought as the feeling builds up, barely managing to hold on until Lu Han comes with one more deep moan, clutching at the sheets and squeezing his eyes closed. Minseok follows moments later, collapsing onto Lu Han as his body shakes and pleasure courses through him. Lu Han's arms come up to wrap around him and it feels just right like that, the two of them falling apart together. 

They clean up minimally and curl up on Lu Han's bed together. Minseok has to remind himself that he doesn't need to watch the clock, doesn't need to get up and shower and prepare to go somewhere looking like he didn't just have sex with Lu Han. It's an amazing feeling knowing that they have time to relax and enjoy themselves without pressure.

Lu Han's expression tells Minseok he's having similar thoughts, a wide, relaxed smile on his face. "You'll stay tonight?" he says, barely a question.

"Yeah."

Lu Han's smile grows even wider. "I'm really happy you're here. Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" Minseok asks.

Lu Han's smile is no less wide, but it turns a little softer. "I know it was scary for you to move here. Probably still is. And I hope you didn't do it _just_ for me, but partly, right? So thank you."

He's right that it's scary, and Minseok doesn't know how his new job and new life will go, but he finds he's excited too, and not just about Lu Han. "Thank _you,_ " he says.

Lu Han looks at him funny. "For what?"

"For not giving up all those times that you could have. For being prepared to put up with more years of long distance if I couldn't do this. For...just everything, you know?"

Minseok half expects Lu Han to laugh at his cheesiness, but he doesn't. It seems the years and time apart have only made them sappier, and somehow Minseok doesn't mind. "I love you," Lu Han says. He could say more, but he wraps Minseok up in a hug instead.

"I love you too," Minseok doesn't try to say more either, only leans into Lu Han and revels in the moment of peace. He doesn't know what the future will bring, if they'll be able to live in the same place from now on or not, but they've come this far together and they'll deal with whatever comes next. No matter what, after everything they've been through, Minseok's not going to let go, and he knows Lu Han won't either. And someday, if not now then in the as yet unforeseen future, they'll have their happy ending.


End file.
